A Monster Of A Rewrite

, , , , , | Related | August 16, 2013

(I am about 11 years old, and am being home-schooled. I’m working on my spelling/vocabulary lesson, and have to write a short story using every word in the lesson. I write a story about a superhero who has the power to turn the villains and monsters good. I am proud of my story.)

Aunt: “Why does she make them all turn good?”

Me: “Because they were evil and hurting people.”

Aunt: “Well, it’s not right to make someone do something they don’t want to do. You should change it.”

Me: “How do you know they don’t want to be good?”

Aunt: “They’re monsters. Rewrite it.”

(I stop arguing, and change the ending drastically by making the superhero kill the monster. She doesn’t like this one either. She makes it clear that she wants it written one way.)

Aunt: “What is this?”

Me: “My alternate ending.”

Aunt: “Killing people is bad!”

Me: “They’re monsters, remember?”

Aunt: “That doesn’t change anything. Rewrite it!”

Me: “To what? You didn’t like the first one!”

Aunt: “Just change it!”

(By now, I am quite irked, and change the story once again to a more generic superhero story ending.)

Me: “Here.”

Aunt: “So she just sends him off?”

Me: “Yes.”

Aunt: “It’s better, but why did you choose this ending?”

Me: “Because you told me to.”

Aunt: “That’s not a good reason. Why don’t you write a new one?”

(I am more irked now, and refuse to write another ending.)

Me: “I’ve already written a new one!”

Aunt: “And I want you to write it over!”

Me: “Fine! How about the superhero goes and turns the monster into a good guy so she doesn’t have to keep fighting him? That way everyone is happy. And now the monster can live happily.”

Aunt: “No, he wouldn’t be happy. He would be forced to be something he’s not.”

Me: “Yes, he would. He is my monster in my story!”

Aunt: “You can’t act that way in the real world!”

Me: “How about we leave my story be, and not force it to change into something I don’t want it to be?”

Aunt: “Are you talking back to me?”

(I don’t want to get into trouble, so I just give in.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll learn from this. I can’t make people do stuff or they’ll be unhappy.”

Aunt: “Good. Now go work on math.”

Me: “Okay, Aunt [name].”

(I went on to my math lesson. I never chose to write a story for my spelling lesson again, which was unfortunate, because I love writing. I learned more from writing a story than I did copying the words over and over in my book.)

1 Thumbs
461

Should Have Inquired Down Another Avenue

, , , , | Related | May 29, 2013

(My sister and I are big Broadway fans. My dad decides to surprise us by getting the family tickets to see “Avenue Q.”)

Me: “Four tickets for…” *gasps*Avenue Q!”

Dad: “Yup!”

Me: “AAAGH, OH, MY GOD, YES! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!”

(I start flailing happily. My sister comes running down the stairs.)

Sister: “What’s wrong?”

Me:AVENUE Q TICKETS!”

Sister: “SHUT UP!”

Me: “YES!”

Sister: “OH, MY GOD!”

Aunt: “What’s Avenue Q?”

Dad: “Oh, no…”

Me: “YOU’RE JOKING!”

(My aunt has a sudden look of fear.)

Me: “IT’S LIKE SESAME STREET—”

Sister: “FOR ADULTS—”

Me: “AND THEY TALK ABOUT ADULT STUFF—”

Sister: “LIKE SEX—”

Me: “AND GAY PEOPLE—”

Sister: “AND LOSING JOBS—”

Me: “AND GARY COLEMAN—”

(My sister and I continue shouting broken sentences at my aunt as she shrinks down in fear.)

Me: “DOESN’T IT SOUND AMAZING?!”

Aunt: “You know what… never mind. I’ll just look it up myself.”


This story is part of our Musical Theater Roundup!

Read the next Musical Theater Roundup story!

Read the Musical Theater Roundup!

1 Thumbs
641

Keeping Abreast Of The Book Filing

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2011

(I am looking up a book for a little girl.)

Me: “I’m sorry sweetie, my computer shows I’ve only got one copy of that book left. The display’s right over there. It’s empty, so that means someone else has it.”

(A helpful customer overhears our conversation and produces the book.)

Customer: “Actually, someone misplaced it. It was over there. Here you go!”

Little Girl: *to me* “You must be almost as old as my mommy if you didn’t think to go do that!”

Me: “Well, I could be. I don’t know. I don’t know how old your mommy is, sweetie.”

(The little girl opens her mouth to tell us how old her mother is, but I interrupt her.)

Me: “I don’t think she’d want you telling everyone how old she is, though.”

Little Girl: “Oh, no. That’s okay. She told my aunt on the phone this morning. After she sees the doctor next week, she won’t care if people know how old she is. They won’t believe it with her new boobies!”

1 Thumbs
3,194

Over(bear)ing Demand

, , | Right | December 9, 2009

(A customer in his late 20s walks into the store looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “My niece is asking for something. I don’t know if it exists or not, but she asked for a rainbow-colored bear that smells like fruit.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I know exactly what you are talking about.”

(I lead him to the girls’ section where there is a new toy bear in stock. It’s multicolored and is scented like bubble gum.)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Customer: “Oh, is this all you have?”

Me: “Well, there are other bears but this is the only scented one.”

Customer: “I’m just not sure this is it.”

Me: “I can assure you, sir, this is the only rainbow-colored and fruit-scented bear toy in the entire store.”

1 Thumbs
3,467