My husband is an army veteran who did five combat tours in Afghanistan and Iraq combined. He suffers from severe post-traumatic stress disorder. He retired from the military a few years ago after twenty years of service, but he recently left a federal job on a disability pension because his PTSD is so bad. His three pensions more than cover our expenses, and I’m getting a housing stipend while I pursue my Ph.D.

I have an elderly aunt in another area of the region who finds out about the situation and decides to take it upon herself to get my husband a job as a door greeter at [Retailer]. She is from an era where she thinks that a man should ALWAYS have a job. My husband HATES her because she is always meddling in other people’s business and trying to force them into taking her type of “help”.

She is VERY social and loves [Retailer] — so much so that she is friends with her local store manager. She asks him to call the manager of the store in our area to “pull some strings” to get my husband a job as a door greeter there; she thinks that “disabled” means that he is well suited to be a [Retailer] greeter.

It is worth noting that my husband’s PTSD makes him WAY too volatile to work in a job that involves dealing with the public. He generally doesn’t get along with employers, he literally has no filter, and he compulsively uses profanity.

This is what happens when the manager of the [Retailer] in our area calls my husband to offer him a job at his store.

Manager: “Hi, [Husband]. I am calling to offer you a job as a greeter at our store. When would be a good time for you to come in and start the hiring process?”

Husband: “I didn’t apply for a position at your store! How did you get my phone number?”

Manager: “Well, your wife’s aunt told the manager at her local store that you were disabled and that you needed a job, so we decided to find a position for you at our store.”

Husband: “She did what?!”

He starts referring to my aunt with every curse word that he knows.

Husband: “She knows full well that my psychiatrist at the VA says that I am too unstable to work with the public! She didn’t mention that, did she?”

The manager is very shocked at my husband’s hailstorm of profanity.

Manager: “Ummm, no, sir, she didn’t! I don’t think that you should use profanity like that!”

Husband: “I am the last person you want working at your store! I have three pensions coming in from the government, so I don’t need the money! [Aunt] is going to get an earful for this!”

My husband hung up on the manager, and then he had me call my aunt to ask her to NEVER do that again! She had already talked to the manager, and she started yelling at me that my husband had embarrassed her by flipping out on him. She said that all she wanted was for my husband to get a job and that she was trying to help him.

I told her that she brought it on herself because she decided to meddle and that she knew full well that his mental stability isn’t the greatest so he wouldn’t be a good candidate to work a retail job.

It has been a few years since this happened and she STILL complains about this at family gatherings! She also still thinks that a [Retailer] job would be perfect for my husband!

My aunt was staying with us for a bit so she could attend a funeral. I didn’t know any details about it.

I was doing dishes when I came across a note on the counter with the name of a recently deceased former senator on it. I thought this was rather odd.

Me: “Hey, didn’t [Late Senator] die recently?”

Aunt: “Yes, he was my grandfather.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

There was silence for about a minute.

Me: “Wait, that’s the funeral that you’re here for.”

Aunt: “Yeah.”

Needless to say, it made her laugh. I was thoroughly embarrassed, though.

I’m a twenty-year-old woman, and I’m currently dating a rather sweet guy — also twenty-one — and we’re thinking of taking things to the next level. As such, he’s invited me to come back to his hometown and meet his family.

I’ve met a few of his relatives before, like his maternal cousins or his older siblings, but given how large his family is, that’s not a lot.

We get off at a train station, where his grandma and aunt will be picking us up to drive the rest of the way to his parents’ hometown.

[Aunt] is essentially the bane of [Boyfriend]’s existence. He spends most of the ride — good-naturedly — grumbling about her. I’ll sum up his complaints into three things: blackmail, mischievous prankster, and always get away with everything. He also warns me to never tell [Aunt] that he said any of that because she’ll definitely take revenge.

We get to the station and I go to buy coffee when I get stopped by a girl who looks around fourteen or fifteen.

Girl: “Hi, are you [My Name]?”

Me: “Ah, yes.”

I notice her hair and eyes, which are the same as my boyfriend’s older brother’s.

Me: “Are you [Boyfriend]’s younger sister? Uh, [Younger Sister], was it?”

Girl: “Close enough. So where is [Boyfriend], anyway?”

Me: “Let me buy some coffee and then I’ll bring you to him.”

We start up some small talk while waiting in line, and we basically become friends. She brings up [Aunt] and I share with her my boyfriend’s complaints about her, with which she commiserates.

Afterward, we go find [Boyfriend], who’s talking to a middle-aged woman who looks exactly like [Girl].

Me: “Hi there, [Aunt]. I’m [My Name]. It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Both of them suddenly look at each other, seemingly surprised.

Boyfriend: *Horrified* “Oh, no.”

Woman: “Dear, I’m not [Aunt]. I’m [Boyfriend]’s grandmother.”

I blink in surprise.

Me: “Wait, if you’re the grandmother, then…”

Girl: “Hi, I’m [Aunt]! Nice to meet you!”

She turns to face [Boyfriend], who’s rapidly paling.

Girl: “She’s told me everything.”

Boyfriend: “You told her?!”

Me: “You didn’t tell me that she was younger than you were!”

I don’t think [Boyfriend] ever forgave me for that. But in my defence, the word “aunt” conjures up an image of a middle-aged woman, not a fifteen-year-old teenager.

My aunt has lived for several months in Asia and then decided to move back to the USA. The plane was scheduled to leave at 10 am. She left her house for the airport, which without traffic was over forty minutes away… at 9:40 AM.

She was completely shocked and bewildered that the plane… DIDN’T WAIT FOR HER!

When she told us this and was confused by the fact that we had no sympathy for her, she said “Well, they should have realized from the manifest that we weren’t there yet!”

We all just laughed at her.

When I was around seven or eight I was very curious, and a lot of the time I would ask some very interesting questions.

Me: “Where do babies come from?”

My aunt, totally unprepared, quickly came up with an answer.

Aunt: “Uhh… C section?”

Me: “What about the A and B sections?”