I was in hospital for a severe illness. Because doctors were unable to identify what was causing it at my age, given I was in my twenties, I was in a ward for many weeks while they did multiple tests. 

Being a fairly active person prior, I didn’t take sitting idle very well. So, after a few days, I was restless, despite being unwell. 

I really enjoy crafty activities. The hospital happened to be holding an in-house competition where each individual ward got a theme, with the best decorated getting a prize. 

Being absolutely bored out of my mind, I asked if I could help them out with making decorations, which they agreed to. They provided the crafting gear and paints, and we made some pretty cool decorations. 

However, I will never forget the poor cleaners that came to do their rounds through the ward one afternoon and found me cross-legged on my bed, arms and gown covered in red paint, because I had dropped a large painted piece of decoration on myself. 

One emergency call to nurses later, and I ended up not doing most of the painting activities following that. 

That ward won the competition, and after an emergency surgery, I’m doing much better.

I am operating a ride in an area where guests are given stamps on their hands instead of wrist bands. It is an area designed for children under eight.

Me: “All right, sweetie, show me your stamp, please.”

The little girl stamps her feet twice.

Me: “Uh…”

(We sell plumbing supplies mainly to the trade. We also have a coffee machine, fresh water, cold drinks, etc. A plumber comes in and walks up to the self-serve coffee machine. After about two minutes, I hear him fiddling with the cup and looking confused. I walk over.)

Plumber: “There’s something wrong with the machine.”

Me: “Oh, okay. What happened?”

Plumber: “I pressed ‘espresso’ but all I got was this really small coffee.”

Me: *internal laugh*

(I work for a major cellphone company. When customers call during busy times, they are on hold for approximately five to ten minutes before coming through to us. During this time, our corporate adverts and promos and options on our website are relayed between music. This customer comes through to me.)

Me: “Hello. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help today?”

Customer: “I’d like to check my balance, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Can I take your phone number, please?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s [number].”

Me: “Thanks. Okay, your balance is $4.21.”

Customer: *sounding confused* “Oh… right. And how much is in my savings?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “How much is in my savings account?”

Me: “You do realise you’ve called [Cell Phone Provider].”

Customer: “Oh… this isn’t [Major National Bank that in no way sounds like our company or has a similar phone number]?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Right. Sorry.” *hangs up*

(I am the customer in this scenario. I have just walked up with my boyfriend to the doorman of the bar where my friend’s band is playing.)

Me: “Two adults, please?”

Doorman: “Uh…”

Me: “I’m not on the bus, am I?”

Boyfriend: “No, dear, you’re really not.”

Me: “I swear I’m sober!”