The cafe where I work is next to a public park. As the weather warms up, people like to take orders out and sit in the park. There are two homeless men who also hang out in the park, and occasionally, cafe customers try to make staff “remove” them, even though they’re on public property and have never bothered anyone.

Customer: “I can take this out and sit in the park, right?”

Me: “Of course, but be aware that you’ll need to return your items here and that the park is public property and not part of [Cafe].”

She leaves. After a minute, we hear her screaming.

Customer: “Get the f*** away from me! No one wants you here! Don’t you dare even look at me!”

The owner locks eyes with me and makes a horrified face. We both start to rush outside to intervene when we hear:

Customer: “G**d*** goose from Hell!”

The customer standing in the park, sandwich and coffee held high above her head, and as we get outside, she lands a solid kick on the body of a Canada goose, which finally takes off running.

The customer turns to her friend, who’s staring with his mouth open.

Customer: “Never tell me Tae Kwon Do is useless again!”

I am shopping at a home improvement store that is chronically understaffed. I need a few more of a certain item than what is stocked on the shelf, but there are more in the “backstock” on the upper shelves. One of the store’s rolling ladders is standing right there, and there’s not an orange apron in sight, so I just scamper right up and help myself.

As I am descending with my prize, SHE appears, haircut and all.

Customer: *In an angry, condescending tone* “Excuse me, can I get some help?”

Me: *Politely* “Oh, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I just saw you up on that ladder!”

Me: “Yeah, just getting what I need for myself. You’ll need to find a store employee to help you. Good luck with that.”

Customer: “I demand that you help me!”

I am feeling a little childish and have some old retail trauma to work out.

Me: “Don’t wanna!”

I stomp my widdle foot like a toddler, because two can play this game.

Customer: “What?! Are you refusing to help me?”

Me: “Yup! Because I don’t work here, so I don’t gotta! And anyway, you didn’t say please!”

Customer: “Well, you’re rude!”

Me: “Yeah, and mean, and ugly, too!”

Customer: “I— Wait, what?”

Me: “Also, I’m lazy and have questionable hygiene, unpopular political views, and weak moral fiber, and I don’t love Jesus!”

Customer: *Splutters and wibbles a bit* “Well, I never!”

Me: “Well, maybe you shoulda!”

And away I strutted, leaving her there with her chin on her chest.

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 43
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 42
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 41
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 40
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 39

It is the day before the Fourth of July holiday. I am at a cell phone company trying to switch my carrier. They are super busy, and sadly, I am going to be one of “those customers.” Not in a bad way… but one where I know they are going to have to call customer service, wait on hold, etc. Luckily, the staff understands the situation and are AWESOME!

The rep has to wait on hold and decides to move on to help another customer, as they are so busy. I am sitting at a booth waiting for the service to complete my transaction. The staff wears black shirts and khakis. I am wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt from a baseball team.

As I am waiting, I am playing on my phone, checking websites and whatnot. That is when I hear a rather loud cough. I look up to see a couple standing at the booth.

Me: “Oh. I am so sorry. I don’t work here. I am actually being helped, but the employee had to run to the back. I am sure someone will be right with you.”

Woman: “Oh… so, you don’t work here?”

Me: “No. Sorry. I apologise.”

Man: “Well, today is your lucky day, and we are putting you to work!”

They begin to laugh, and I laugh, as well. They suddenly stop and the man looks at me, dead serious.

Man: “I don’t think you understand. I wasn’t joking. You will help us… entitled little s***s like you don’t get to sit around and not work… Not on my watch! You obviously need the work.”

I start looking around to see if any staff member is available. Of course, they aren’t; they are helping other people and apparently missed this guy’s attitude. I look back at the couple.

Me: “Listen… I am going to say this once. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I don’t work here. If you took off your sunglasses and actually looked, you would see that I am not even wearing the company uniform, not even close. Secondly, there is a queue, and you stormed past three people waiting before you. There is a line… Get in it.”

The couple looked shocked but got in line.

They did complain about me, but even the staff told them I don’t work here, which made the woman go into some form of screeching rage and made me chuckle.

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 42
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 41
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 40
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 39
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 38

Every year, outside of the convention, without fail, there will always be some fundamentalist protester holding a sign and preaching to anyone who walks past about fire and brimstone, and how the actions of the convention-goers will doom them to Hell.

This year was no exception. I was stuck at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change, forcing me to listen to the protester when a group of bikers pulled up to the light. As the protester started his sermon, the bikers began revving up their engines, drowning him out. Once they stopped, he began to speak again only for them to resume revving up their engines.

It was at this point that I realized they were doing this on purpose. This went on a couple more times until the light changed, and I and a few others crossed the street with a smile and a newfound appreciation for bikers.

I work at an independent insurance agency. We are allowed to disconnect abusive calls, and the agents and owner will fire clients if the behavior is repeated. We are asked to give at least one warning before disconnecting; I give two.

We have recently hired a new customer service agent. She has many years of call center experience. She has been doing pretty well on the phone and has started taking calls solo. I follow up with her to make sure the files are noted properly after her calls. I’m reviewing some of her notes and notice she has in the notes that a client yelled and cursed at her.

I pull the call and listen to it. It’s vile. She kept trying to tell the client she was trying to help him, but he was yelling over her and cursing up a storm. He finally hung up on her.

I immediately notify the client’s agent and send him the call recording. I then ask the agent to come to my office.

Me: “Hey, I saw the notes from [Client]. Are you okay?”

Agent: “Yes, I’m okay. I’m sorry, I tried to calm him down and help him but…”

Me: “No, no, no, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I know I mentioned it when you started doing solo calls, but I want to reiterate that you do not have to put up with that kind of behavior.”

Agent: “You were serious?”

Me: “Absolutely. I ask you to give them at least one warning; it’s up to you if you want to give more. If they continue to be abusive, tell them their agent will be in touch and hang up. Let the agent know and they will take care of the issue.”

Agent: “I can seriously hang up on people?”

Me: “Well, not for random reasons. But if they are inappropriate or abusive, absolutely!”

Agent: “That’s amazing. We weren’t allowed to hang up on anyone at the call center. No matter what.”

Me: “That’s one of the perks of having an awesome owner. We don’t tolerate abuse.”

I love my job and my boss. Even though it can get stressful, knowing the agents and boss have our backs makes a massive difference.