Several members of the IT staff are ex-military, but I’m not. This has led to a lot of pranks and jokes between the IT techs.

I notice a technician passing through a hallway one day when our printer isn’t working.

Me: “Hey, [Tech], printer two is down again.”

Tech: “Ugh. We need to get that repaired for real.”

Me: “I’m putting in an order for parts for a few new monitors. Want me to add anything?”

Tech: “Yeah, add in, um… a new AGM-114.”

He leaves without explaining what that part is. I dutifully submit the order with “Part: AGM-114” and “Purpose: printer repair.” Ten minutes later, an IT higher-up comes storming into our office waving my order.

IT Supervisor: “What smarta** ordered a Hellfire missile for the printers?!”

We are no longer allowed to order parts from IT by serial number only.

This story is part of our Best Of February 2021 roundup!

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I am a front end supervisor. I see my next customer before I call the next in line and automatically know this will be a tough one.

Me: “Next customer, please!”

We go on our usual spiel of greetings and small talk.

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to be a bother, but could you call your closest store and ask if they have that dress in a different size?”

Me: “So sorry, we don’t have means to call another store. You would have to Google their number, call, and ask for customer service.”

The customer’s face turns sour and she starts to explode.

Customer: “This is the worst customer service I have ever experienced!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but that’s why you have the option to call another store and ask for customer service. I apologize that we do not have a direct calling staff.”

Customer: “No! Don’t apologize for being lazy! What’s the number to your closest store? Can you look it up for me?”

We can’t have our phones with us at the registers so I already know how this is going to go.

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’d have to Google the store number for [Location]. I’m not allowed to have my phone on me while I am on the clock.”

Customer: “You are such a lazy b****! Get me a supervisor!”

Me: “Of course. I am the front end supervisor and I am now denying you a sale because of the abusive language you have chosen to use against me. You can Google the address and number of any of our other stores in the perimeter, but as of right now I am refusing a sale.”

I void the transaction and pull her items to my side of the register, including the item she was demanding that I call another store about.

Customer: “Are you freaking serious?! I’ll have your job!”

She stormed out with nothing. Two months later, I still have a job.

My teenage son and I each have a holiday tin of popcorn, and I’m eating from mine.

Son: “Can I have some of your popcorn?”

Me: “No! We started with the same amount, and I’ve saved mine to enjoy longer while you already ate all of yours!”

Then, my son speaks in the voice of a beleaguered Victorian child.

Son: “But Mother, what of the spirit of Chismonukkah?!”

Of course, he got some of my popcorn after I stopped laughing.

I am a front end supervisor at a popular discount retail store. I arrive forty-five minutes prior to us opening to start my shift. A customer is standing next to me while I hit the buzzer to alert the manager I need to come into the building. This customer and I have been talking for a few minutes, my name tag and uniform clearly visible to her.)

Customer: “Oh, I never knew they had a doorbell!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s used for us employees to let the manager know we are here before opening for our shift.”

The customer completely ignores what I said.

Customer: “It’d be great if they let us in earlier!” 

My manager comes up to the door and unlocks it to let me in.

Customer: “OH! THEY ARE OPENING EARLY!”

Me: “Oh, I wish they would! It would be easier shopping for you! I’ll see you once we open!” 

The customer attempts to walk in after me but my manager slowly closes the door.

Manager: “We don’t open for another forty-five minutes, ma’am. She—” *referring to me* “—works here.” 

The customer gets irritated and raises her voice.

Customer: “SO I’M NOT AS GOOD AS HER TO BE LET IN EARLY? I HAVE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING TO DO AND IF SHE CAN GET IN EARLY, SO CAN I!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we are not open yet; we open in forty-five minutes. She’s obviously wearing a uniform with a name tag that clearly has our store’s name on it. I don’t understand how you could not see that she is an employee.” 

Customer: *Continuing to yell* “NO! YOU JUST THINK SHE IS BETTER THAN A CUSTOMER! HOW PATHETIC. NEVER AGAIN WILL I SHOP AT THIS STORE!” 

Forty-five minutes later, we open and she walks through the door. I greet her and she has her nose up in the air. Thirty minutes later, she comes to my checkout and says the following.

Customer: “I can’t believe you let me look like a stupid customer in front of your manager. You should be written up for that. ” 

Me: “Like my manager said, I’m clearly dressed in the store’s colors with black dress pants and a name tag that states the store name. I can’t help it if you didn’t notice it. I even told you the doorbell was for employees and you watched me as I pressed it. ” 

Customer: “WELL, I DEMAND A DISCOUNT!” 

Me: “Sorry, I can’t give a discount for you waiting for a store to open. And my manager will tell you the same.”

She ended up throwing her purchases at me and storming out.

I overhear this in the pet food aisle:

Small Child: *Pointing to a large bag of dog food* “Kitten food!”

Mother: “Yes, yes, we need to get kitten food.”

She puts a few bags of dog food into the cart.

Employee: “Sorry, ma’am, I just happened to overhear and wanted to make sure you know that’s dog food, not cat food.”

Mother: “Oh, no, I know… Hey, if you have kids, don’t let them name your pets, okay?”

This story is part of our Best Of December 2020 roundup!

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