Periodically Interrupted Again

, , , , | Romantic | July 1, 2017

(I am the author of this story – in which my female friends and family members and I will suddenly start talking about periods when a man is around, to make them leave when we want privacy. I am on the phone with a close relative in another state about time-sensitive travel plans and my husband keeps interrupting with things unrelated; worse, when I ask him to give me a few minutes on the phone, he starts pantomiming stuff he wants to say.)

Me: *into the phone* “So, [Husband] and I are thinking about trying to have a baby; I haven’t had a period in years, since having the IUD put in, but if I have it removed, that will start up…”

Husband: *gives me a funny look, walks out*

Me: *into the phone* “So sorry about that, hon.”

(We finish our conversation, hang up, and I go to find husband.)

Husband: “It’s a code, isn’t it? I didn’t catch it when it was you and Sis, but you start talking about REALLY private stuff when you are trying to get rid of me!”

Me: *burst out laughing* “What gave me away?”

Husband: *also laughing* “You were talking about your period, but I couldn’t hear [Relative]; your medical stuff is never an issue for me to talk about, but it just clicked that I hear about periods in your conversations with other people WAY more than in conversations we have.”

Me: “So, unless it’s something urgent, will you stop interrupting when I’m on the phone or having a talking to someone?”

Husband: “But, what if I might forget what I was going to say?”

Me: “Write it down?”

Husband: “That… makes a lot of sense, actually. And it means that I’ll never, ever have to hear about your sister’s period. Or your mother’s. Or any other relative or friend’s. Unless they are having some sort of medical problem or something.”

Me: “Exactly!”

Husband: “Deal!”

Unfiltered Story #89872

, , , | Unfiltered | June 17, 2017

(I’m wandering through a convention dressed as a Mooby’s employee from the Kevin Smith movies. I’m also black.)

Stranger: Nice costume.

Me: Oh, thanks.

Stranger: You should have had “P**** M***** For Life” on the back.

(Note: he’s referring to Clerks II when one of the characters, Randall, wore that on the back of his uniform after discovering it was a racial slur in an (failed) attempt to take it back.)

Me: What?

Stranger: You should have had “P**** M***** For Life” on the back of your uniform like in Clerks II.

Me: I know what you’re talking about, but why would I do that? I’m not dressing as Randall.

Stranger: Just thought you’d be trying to take it back.

Me:

(This wasn’t the only time it happened to me during that convention. I’ve since stopped wearing the uniform.)

Drive Hoo

, , , , , , | Right | September 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(The customer drives to the window.)

Me: “That’s $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(Pause.)

Me: “$12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “Woo!”

Me: “09.”

Customer: “Hoo!”

Me: “12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “…09.12.”

Customer: “Hoowoo!”

Me: “90.21.”

Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

Me: “Well played, sir.”

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