The Checkout Has Totally Checked Out

, , , , , , | Working | May 1, 2018

(I put two items on the bench at my local supermarket. The young man at the cash register rings it up and asks me to put my card in the reader. At that point, I realised he’s only rung up one of the two items.)

Me: “Aren’t you going to ring up the cheese, too?”

Cashier: *stares vacantly*

Me: “You’ve only rung up the orange juice.”

Cashier: “Oh. Yeah… Thanks.” *cancels and re-does the transaction* “Oh, well… It’s Monday, eh?”

Me: “No, actually, it’s Tuesday.”

Cashier: “Really? Huh…” *stares*

Too Much Money, Too Little Restraint

, , , , , | Right | May 1, 2018

(A customer pulls out a wad of $100s, $50s, and $20s to pay. Note: During this entire transaction he speaks with a monotone and has no facial expressions. I’m very animated and like to joke around with people.)

Customer: “I have too much money.”

Me: “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Customer: “Sometimes I think I need help spending it.”

Me: “Ha! I’ll take it. I need a new pair of work shoes!”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Actually, yeah. Look at these things. Ratty and the soles are broken.”

Customer: “Do you live in town?”

Me: “Yeah.”

(I begin to realize that he might not know I was joking about taking his money.)

Customer: “I’ll have to find you one of these days and take you out shopping.”

Me: “Who could say no to that?”

(After he leaves I mutter:)

Me: “I need to shut up. My chit-chat is going to land me dead in a ditch someday.”

Email Fail, Part 19

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2018

(My store, like many major chains, is trying to make the switch to email receipts. My store is in Connecticut.)

Me: “Would you like us to email you the receipt?”

Customer: “No, thanks. It’ll be sent to Florida.”

Email Fail, Part 18
Email Fail, Part 17
Email Fail, Part 16

20% Discount, 100% Understanding

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2018

(This grocery store is running a small promotion in which you can get a flyer from a newspaper with sale stickers — 20%, 10%, and 5% off — and you are free to apply them to anything you buy. The young woman in front of me has apparently collected a few of these flyers and covered her whole weekly shop in the stickers.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s been a policy change; we’re only allowed one 20% sticker per transaction, five 10% stickers, and as many 5% stickers as you want.”

Woman: “Oh, God. I think most of this is 20% and 10%. Let’s sort through it.”

(The woman and cashier try to figure out how to best scan all the items with the stickers while I’m unloading my cart.)

Woman: “Would it be all right to just break it all up into separate transactions for each 20% sticker I have, and then add as many 10% as we can?”

Cashier: “Sure, we could do that.”

(Figuring this out takes a while, and adding to it, the woman pays with a credit card, which means an entire new receipt to sign every time.)

Cashier: *to me* “I’m sorry for the wait. I can call to open another line if you want.”

Me: “It’s fine. There’s no one behind me, and I’ve got all the time in the world today.”

Woman: *while paying for her last transaction* “I’m so sorry, really, but I don’t think I could’ve afforded all this without the reductions.”

Me: “Trust me, I understand. You’re buying diapers, baby food, and staple food items. It’d be ridiculous not to use as many coupons as you can to stock up! I would’ve done just the same. And as I said, I’ve got time to wait today, so I don’t mind.”

Woman: “Thank you for understanding! Actually, I still have one 10% sticker and a few 5% left. Would you like them?”

Me: “You bet I do!”

(The cashier had a good laugh about it and was obviously glad I didn’t get angry, and I got a few of my more pricey items reduced. I considered it a win for all of us.)

Dressing Down The Price

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2018

(I’m helping a woman who is trying to haggle a lower price on a dress. The dress has a tiny thread hanging out of it. I try to explain that the prices are set, but she doesn’t care about the rules.)

Woman: “Every single store that I’ve been to has given me a lower price! Every single one!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me find you a manager. He’ll explain it to you, since you don’t believe me.”

Woman: “I believe you. I don’t need a manager, but why can’t you just do it?!”

(I try to find a manager, but he’s nowhere. Meanwhile, the woman is still hissing and snarling about her dress. After ten minutes of this, I get fed up and turn to her.)

Me: “Fine, ma’am. You win. Let’s go to the register, and you can have it any price you want if you leave right after.”

(I want to say, “…and don’t come back, ever,” but I think it’d be too rude.)

Woman: *pauses* “What’s the catch?”

Me: “No catch. Just you have to leave right after.”

(We went, and she paid for the dress with a smirk. Later, she wrote to corporate, complaining that I had a nasty tone!)

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