I work in a high-end grocery store, so most of the items we sell are usually out of my price range. However, I am hosting a dinner party and I want to serve some nice things, so with some staff performance vouchers (instead of bonuses we get vouchers — oh, well) and my staff discount, I am able to buy some relatively nice things for a not-crazy amount of money.

I am waiting in line, and the customer ahead of me turns around and spots me.

Customer: “Oh, did you need to get by?”

Me: “Oh, no, thanks. I’m just waiting in line.”

Customer: “You’re… shopping?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “But… you work here!”

Me: “Yes, but I am just a regular customer today!”

Customer: “But… you’re poor!”

Me: “Thanks for the reminder!”

It’s the customer’s turn, and she’s checking out. She leans over and whispers something to the cashier (who I also know), and then she finally pays and takes her shopping, glancing back at me worriedly.

Me: “What did [Customer] say?”

Coworker: *Sighs* “She said that you’re a poor person, like me, so make sure I don’t let you waste your food stamps on good food.”

Me: “Wow. I don’t know what’s worse: that she thinks that, because I work retail, I must be on food stamps, or that poor people don’t deserve to eat nice food.”

Coworker: “Actually, I think she was just upset that you were able to afford the same stuff she could, at least this once.”

Me: “Yeah, she’s probably worried that after we eat rich, we’ll eat the rich!”

We both laughed, and I went on to host a very successful dinner party!

I am a few spots behind a man with greying hair looking to be about in his fifties in a checkout line at [Chain Grocery Store]. A 1990s song is playing over the loudspeaker. I am minding my own business, scrolling through my phone, when I hear this exchange.

Customer: “I demand a discount!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but I can’t provide one.”

Customer: “I am giving you free business! The song on the speaker was made by me!”

Cashier: “I’m really sorry, but we can’t give you a discount regardless. We only offer discounts for the military.”

Customer: “I demand your manager!”

The manager has been patrolling the registers and has overheard the exchange. The manager comes over holding out his phone toward the man.

Manager: “I looked up the artist who made this song, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t die in 2014.”

I have an American accent, but I speak French fluently. My accent, however, seems to make certain people think I am incredibly stupid. The spoken language in this story is French unless otherwise stated.

Customer: “I’d like two [item]s, please.”

Me: “No problem, but just so you know, if you buy a third, it will only cost an extra 5€. Would you like to buy a third?“

Customer: “What?“

Me: “[Item]s are 12.90€ each or three for 30€.“

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “…So, if you buy a third, you save 8€.“

Customer: “I don’t understand.“

Me: “You’re buying two, which will cost 25.80€, but if you buy three, it will cost 30€ instead of 38.70€.“

Customer: *In heavily accented English* “Repeat after me.“

I wait for him to continue, but he just stares. I assume he is trying to ask me to repeat myself.

Me: “Would you like two for 25.80€ or three for 30€?“

The customer continues to stare blankly at me for what feels like an eternity and then looks at my coworker. She has been next to us the entire time but purposely ignores customers like this because she can’t stand when people treat me differently.

Customer: “I’ll just take one.“

Coworker: “That wins the stupidest conversation of the day.”

The after-church crowd hits restaurants the worst, but we grocery stores get our fair share of Sunday-Best-Screamers ourselves.

Me: “Your total is $78.41, ma’am.”

Customer: “You didn’t apply my discount!”

Me: “What discount is that, ma’am?”

Customer: “I always get the coupons applied! Whatever coupons you’re running right now, I get them applied! Are you new?”

Me: “I’m not new, ma’am, but usually, if you want a coupon applied, you have to present the coupon.”

Customer: “I don’t like your tone! Get me your manager! I’m going to get you fired for that tone of yours!”

There is a loud and purposeful “ahem” from the line at the next checkout. The cough came from a man wearing a priest’s collar.

Customer: “Oh! Father! I didn’t see you there!”

Priest: “Yes, clearly.”

Customer: “I… I was just—”

Priest: “—just about to reveal that your behavior is an example of what not to do if you want to be kind unto others, just like I mentioned in my sermon this morning.”

Customer: “Well, yes, I—”

Priest: “I assume you know the lesson all too well, considering you were on your phone for most of it and didn’t need to hear it again.”

Customer: “…yes, Father.”

Priest: “Very good! See you next Sunday!”

The priest continued with his purchases, and my suddenly very subdued and quiet customer finished with hers — no discounts.

I live in a relatively small town, but it’s near two larger ones and a city. MOST of my customers I can recognize, but we do get new ones, of course. I have three customers who are completely deaf: a husband and wife, who are very nice, and a homeless man, who is not so nice. The man always asks for a paper and pencil so he can ask us questions, but he can read lips. I am pretty used to dealing with him.

One day, however, he was in my coworker’s line. This was during the height of the global health crisis, so we were all wearing masks. He mimed for the pencil and paper, but she didn’t have any. Then, he kept pointing at the screen, trying to ask her a question, and my coworker was getting annoyed.

Coworker: “I already told you: that’s the price it is.”

The man tried to ask something, getting just as annoyed.

Coworker: *Louder* “That’s the price it is!”

She repeated this several times, getting louder and louder. I was in the middle of helping an elderly customer, so I hadn’t said anything, but she was starting to get way too loud. I looked over and saw who the customer was.

Me: “[Coworker]. [COWORKER]!”

She looked up finally.

Me: “He’s deaf! You’ll need to pull your mask down so he can read your lips, or write it down somewhere!”

Coworker: “Oh!” 

Instantly, she started to use sign language. After the customers left, I looked at her in surprise.

Me: “You know how to sign?! Wow! That’s awesome!”

Coworker: “Yeah, took it in college. Do you know any?”

Me: “I know ‘thank you’, ‘orange’, and ‘a**hole’.” *Pauses* “It was in a movie.”