I’ve started a new job in retail, and it’s one of my first weeks on register duty. I am still learning the keys. Keying in multiple items, e.g., ten chocolate bars, instead of scanning them one by one requires a supervisor code.

A well-dressed man comes through my line with thirty-two cups of instant noodles of varying flavours and varying amounts of each. I lose count with all the beeps and all of the slightly different cups, so I accidentally ring up thirty-five cups.

He pays and the receipt prints. He checks it and immediately has half his body shoved through a gap in the Plexiglas screen. (This is during social distancing.)

Customer: “What are you trying to do here? I bought thirty-two, and you rang up thirty-five!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it was an honest mistake. Let me just—” 

Customer: “‘Honest mistake’, my a**! That was intentional so you lowlifes can steal my money!”

Me: “I can assure you, sir, I merely miscounted, but if I could just—” 

Customer: “How hard can it be to count? Did you fail math class?”

Me: “It was an honest mistake because it’s so many—”

Customer: “I bet that’s what you always do with the old ladies to rip them off! They’re old and senile, so they won’t notice you pocketing some extra money!”

I drag my wallet out of my pocket.

Me: “You know what, sir? I overcharged you — what, three times forty cents. Here, you can have 1.20€ out of my own pocket; you clearly need it more than a broke university student.”

Customer: “How dare you?! I want to speak to your boss!”

Me: “He is not in anymore; he already went home. He will be here tomorrow after eight.”

Customer: “Give me his name! And your name! I will complain about you! I will write a letter!”

At this point, the young woman behind him interrupts his tirade and screams at him.

Next Customer: “Just piss off already! Seeing how you dress, you’d think you’re well-off, but to be such a b**** over such a minor mistake?! F****** cheapskate! You got your money, so take your s***ty cup-noodles and f*** off!”

The man just went, “Well, I never!”, huffed, and finally did f*** off.

The woman, the coworker on a register behind me, and I had a good laugh about that man.

A customer at the checkout is moaning about using their debit card.

Customer: “Why can’t you just override the debit machine so I don’t have to put my PIN in?”

Me: “Sir, would you want me to be able to?” 

Related:
PIN-Headed, Part 24
PIN-Headed, Part 23
PIN-Headed, Part 22
PIN-Headed, Part 21
PIN-Headed, Part 20

Customer: “That should be 50% off!”

Me: “The sale sign says, ‘up to 50% off.’ This item is just 10% off.”

Customer: “That’s deceptive, and you know it! I want it 50% off!”

Me: “If it was just small fine print on the sign saying that, I’d agree with you, but the ‘up to’ is the same size text as the ‘50% off’ on the sign, so it’s pretty clear to me.”

Customer: “I bet your manager will give me the discount!”

Me: “My manager won’t give you a discount just because you misread a sign. That would be like someone saying they misread the sign as ‘free’ and then demanding the item for free.”

Customer: “Well then, maybe I will for all the sass you’re giving me!”

I point to another sign, behind me. 

Me: “You see those names and stars on the wall?”

Customer: “Yeah? What about them?” 

Me: “Every time a customer complains about one of us following a policy set by the manager, to said manager, she rewards us with a star. If we get ten stars, we get a $50 gift voucher for putting up with customers making unrealistic demands.” 

Customer: “…”

Me: “Please make me call the manager. I have nine stars, and I need a new toaster.”

Customer: “This is crazy! We’ve been waiting for almost twenty minutes!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s a big sale day, and we don’t have enough staff to man every register!” 

Customer: “That’s stupid! You need to get more people!”

Me: “Would you like an application?”

Customer: “H*** no! Why would I want to work here?!”

Me: *Staring, not breaking eye contact* “You get to meet the loveliest people!”

I am checking out a customer who is here with her daughter and her mother, so three generations of women. The daughter — four years old — is having a great time talking to herself. The grandmother seems to be upset by this.

Grandma: “It’s totally inappropriate for her to have an imaginary friend, and I’m embarrassed by it!”

Mom: *To Grandma* “You get on your knees every night and talk to your sky friend and ask him to forgive you for gambling even though you play the lottery every week. She’s a four-year-old girl. What’s your excuse?”