I try to socialize and even joke with my customers a little, and I’ve gotten such positive feedback that one of the managers even takes me aside one day to tell me how impressed he is and how many good reviews customers are leaving for me.

Naturally, I’m delighted, and I do my best to continue encouraging customers to fill out the surveys at the bottom of their receipts. The surveys are one of the topics I like to joke about.

I’m ringing up a customer and her partner, and I hand her the receipt.

Me: “And there’s a survey at the bottom of the receipt that we’d appreciate if you’d fill out for us. Make sure to tell them I’m the worst person you’ve ever met, everything I said and did offended you, I’m just awful…”

Customer: *Deadpan* “And I’m pretty sure you’re a Nazi.”

Me: *Nodding* “Definitely tell them that.”

Usually, I just get a laugh or a phony scolding when I say that, but having a customer actually play along made my day.

I am working in a charity store that mostly sells books. Everything is donated and second-hand, and therefore quite cheap. Because it’s for charity, we don’t haggle.

A very old customer approaches the counter with a collection of books. Most are old paperbacks from our dollar bin.

Manager: “Okay, that’ll be ten dollars.”

Customer: “What?! I thought it was ten for a dollar!”

Manager: “No, it’s a dollar each, and you have ten books.”

Customer: “You big bunch of crooks!”

If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it, but the old lady takes her walking cane and slams it on the counter with force much stronger than one would imagine common in a woman of her age.

Customer: “Back in my day, we could get a new book for a nickel!” 

Manager: “Back in your day, nickel had just been discovered!”

A heavily pregnant woman is buying cigarettes. While I personally don’t approve, she has ID, and I can’t deny the sale, so I ring her up. Despite my saying nothing, the customer is immediately antagonistic.

Customer: “Judging me already, huh?”

Me: “What? No? I’m just selling you your cigarettes.”

Customer: “Then why’d you give me the packet that says, ‘Smoking while pregnant can cause birth defects and disabilities’?!”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t notice. I just grabbed the closest pack of the size and brand you asked for.”

Customer: “Uh-huh, suuuure you did. People like you are what’s wrong with society! Why are you so scared of disabled children? What’s wrong with disabled people? You’re just another example of an ableist a**hole who wants to police what women do with their bodies!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have literally said nothing to you other than telling you the total for your cigarettes and asking you for ID. Nothing more.”

Customer: “I could tell from your face!” 

Me: “So, you’re calling me a sexist ableist just from my face, but I’m the judgemental one?”

She pauses.

Customer: “You’re lucky I didn’t record this and blast you online!” *Storms off*

I’m working at the checkout in a grocery store. It’s admittedly very busy and chaotic, but most customers are forming orderly lines at the checkouts. A customer cuts through a bunch of customers and stands ready for me to serve him next.

Me: “Sir, there is a line.”

Customer: “I’ve made a new line.”

Me: “Uh, no, sir, there’s only one line.”

Customer: “Show me where it says there can only be one line.”

Me: “Well… it doesn’t, but it’s generally understood—”

Customer: “So, there’s no sign saying I can’t do it? Well then, here I am. Serve me next.” 

I look over to the other three customers in line, all glaring at this guy. I start speaking to them all.

Me: “If you could all move two inches to the left to make an even newer line, I can serve you first!”

The glaring customers immediately smile and move an inch or so to the left — but still very much in the same line — and I serve them next.

Customer: “What are you doing? I was next in line!”

Me: “I made a new line.”

Customer: “But I made the new line! I was next!”

Me: “Show me where it says there can only be one ‘new’ line.”

The customer glared at me, threw his items to the ground in protest, and stormed out.

Related:
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2

We have been very busy today — unexpectedly so due to an incoming storm that’s meant to be pretty bad. We’ve had a run on supplies, and our staff has been struggling to keep the tills stocked up with change.

A customer has paid with cash, and I am unable to get him exact change with bills alone, and as I have run out of paper dollar bills and coins, I use something I wasn’t expecting to.

Customer: *Counting their change* “What the f*** is this?”

Me: “That’s a dollar coin. I know they’re not used very often, but it’s legal tender and—”

Customer: “F*** that, give me a dollar bill!”

Me: “I’ve paged a manager to come and restock my register, but since we’re very busy today, it might take them a few minutes to—”

Customer: “Get them here, now! I don’t have time to waste! There’s a storm coming!”

Me: “Yes, I am aware, sir, as I’m here, too.”

Customer: “Yes, but you need to help us, and here you are giving me f****** fake coins! I’m gonna complain to your manager about you!”

Finally, my manager rushes over mid-customer rant. [Manager] is red in the face and clearly out of breath.

Manager: “[My Name]! Here’s your float. Sorry it took so long.”

Customer: “You need to discipline your employee! They tried to give me a fake coin!”

He shows his shiny dollar coin, and my manager looks shocked.

Manager: “Oh, wow! I haven’t seen one of those in a while! They’re super rare these days! Can I buy it back from you?”

Customer: “Wait, what?”

Manager: “That’s a dollar coin, yes, but they’re collector’s items, now. [My Name], I’m surprised you’d just give one out like that!”

Customer: “Oh… well…” 

Manager: *Holding out a dollar bill* “So, shall we trade?”

Customer: *Suddenly holding the coin like Gollum would The One Ring* “Actually, you got any more?”