Taking A Penny, But Giving You His Two Cents

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2019

(A guy comes up to the registers with three small housewares items, totaling $1.75. The guy rummages in his pockets and clatters down $1.50 in quarters, two dimes… and FOUR pennies.)

Customer: “Well, looks like I’ve only got $1.74. You can take that, right?”

(He gives me a tiny smirk, automatically assuming that I can.)

Me: *apologetically* “No, sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

(His smirk dies.)

Customer: “Well, do you have one of those coin trays?”

(He’s looking for the give-a-penny, take-a-penny thing.)

Me: “No, sir. We don’t have one of those.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

(I explain. To sum it up, our money goes to a local No-Kill animal shelter for surrendered pets and strays. We make money off items sold, and we have little house-shaped banks to take dollar bills, and a pair of Big Belly Banks — one penguin, one begging dog — for coins, which kids and even adults love. Any declined change goes straight into these banks as a direct donation.)

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should just have a tray for loose change!”

(He then drops a dime on the counter. Now, here’s the thing: he didn’t rummage in his pocket to try to scrounge up what he owed. He made no effort to LOOK for more money. He literally had the dime in his palm the ENTIRE TIME that he was trying to get me to accept a penny less for what he was buying. I don’t say the half-dozen smart-mouthed things that fly through my head as I make the nickel in change for him.)

Customer: *retorts, in what is clearly a Direct Order from His High And Mighty-ness* “Just keep the nickel and use it to spot someone else who is short! I can’t believe you won’t take a freaking penny less!”

Me: *sickly-sweet grin, calling out as he stomps out the door* “The homeless animals thank you for your donation, sir! I’m sure they appreciate you not stealing money from them!”

(Maybe petty. Maybe passive-aggressive. But I don’t regret a word of it. I fed the penguin bank his nickel at the end of the night. Oddly enough, no one else had the gall to try to short change our charity.)

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Don’t Discount The Customers’ Hope You Won’t Count

, , , , , , | Right | October 30, 2019

We have a certain customer that always tries to use four or more duplicates of the coupons that say, “limit of two per household per day.” Usually, I somehow end up dealing with her, and she leaves half — or all — her stuff behind because I deny half of her coupons. 

Tonight, she shows up and goes to one of my new cashiers that I’ve not had the “read your coupons” talk with. I decide to hang around, just in case. Lo and behold, the lady tries to pull her usual coupon fraud. I count and she’s instantly on me, saying, “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COUNT THEM? THE OTHER MANAGERS ALWAYS LET ME USE FOUR. YOU NEED TO BE NICER TO YOUR CUSTOMERS!”

She and who I’m assuming is her mom then switch over to Spanish so that I can’t understand them. After they’ve left — in a huff — I explain to my cashier the policy on coupons. She then tells me that when the lady switched to Spanish, she said I wouldn’t take her coupons because I was white. 

Not sure what that has to do with your inability to properly use coupons, but you have fun coming back to see another manager only to find me still staring down upon you and your coupons like the eye of Sauron.

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Bounces Off Of Her Like Rubber(s)

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2019

(I have just served an old lady who is now bagging her items. A teenager — about 16 to 19 years old — is next. The teenager is just buying a package of condoms. I scan them and put them beside the belt, far from the old lady’s groceries. The teenager is paying with his card and is about to finish the transaction. The old lady sees the lone packages of condoms beside the belt.)

Old Lady: “Are those mine?!”

(She grabs them.)

Old Lady: *shouting* “Did I pay for these? What is it?”

(She’s holding them high to get better light, in full view of everyone around.)

Old Lady: *loudly* “I can’t see. Can you tell me what this is?”

Me: “No. No, that item is not yours. It belongs to…” *looks at the distressed teenager* “…it belongs to someone else.”

Old Lady: “Oh, very well…”

(She put them down by the belt again. The teenager took them and left quickly. I still believe that the old lady did this on purpose.)

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The Classic Signatures Of A Crazy Customer

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2019

(Our credit card PIN pad, like most, asks the customer for their signature, either with the little stylus or with their finger. I’m ringing out a customer.)

Customer: “This is illegal, you know.”

Me: “What? What is?”

(Everything has been normal until now, so I am very confused.)

Customer: “This isn’t my signature since it’s not on paper. It’s electronic, so it’s not my signature. That’s illegal.”

Me: “I… don’t think so?”

Customer: “IT’S ILLEGAL!”

(She signs anyway and I give her the receipt, which she snatches. As she storms off:)

Customer: “I’m going to call the Better Business Bureau!” 

(When I mentioned it to my manager later he said I could have printed a paper one for her to sign, but I didn’t know that. I hope she did call the BBB so they could laugh at her.)

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Try Not To Get All Tore Up About It  

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2019

(A woman walks into my line and puts a big 18-pack of soda on my belt with a coupon attached that’s sometimes hard to remove.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

(She’s attempting to remove the coupon and she tears it.)

Me: *trying to make a joke* “That’s why y’all don’t normally take those things off. They’re so difficult.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! I’ll remove it if I want to! Don’t worry; I’ll go to another line!”

Me: “It was a joke…”

(She left and went to another register, and she got that cashier to get one of the managers. She loudly complains to them, pointing at me and such. My manager never brought it up to me.)

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