Cards Against Humanity

, , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(I’m serving customers. We’re currently understaffed due to a miscommunication between managers, so I’m trying to be fast and keep the line down until the next staff member arrives. An older lady comes through my register and asks to pay by card, and I just know there’s going to be a problem.)

Customer #1: “It’s a new card; is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

Customer #1: *takes out a card and places it on the register* “I don’t know how to use it. You do it.”

(We’re not technically supposed to use the customer’s card on their behalf; however, it’s usually easier and more time-efficient to do so. We’ve been informed that the district manager will be visiting the store any minute now so I’m being very cautious of my behavior.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I can’t do it for you, but I’ll help you. First, insert your card at the bottom, chip side in.” *[Customer #1] inserts the card incorrectly* “No, sorry, the other way.” *she corrects the card* “Okay, now select the account, type in your PIN, and press the green enter button.”

(She does all this, but she must input the wrong PIN number as the machine asks for her PIN again. Instead, she removes the card, which automatically cancels the transaction.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, because you’ve removed the card, the payment failed. Would you like to try again?”

Customer #1: “Oh, no, I don’t how to use this card!”

(By this time, a line has built up, so I radio desperately to my coworkers to help, including one whose shift hasn’t technically started yet. [Customer #2], who turns out to be [Customer #1]’s son, approaches my register.)

Customer #2: “Here, Mum, let me help. Why don’t you just use tap-and-go?”

Customer #1: “Oh, no. It’s a new card; I don’t know how to use it.” *to me* “What if I try my other card? I know how to use that one.”

Me: “Yeah, no worries.”

Customer #1: *swaps the first card for the second card* “Now, I don’t how to use this card.”

Me: *mentally face-palming* “Oh. Did you want to pay cash, then?”

Customer #2: “Here, Mum, let me just pay for it. You can give me the money later!”

Customer #1: “Oh, no, dear. I’ll just pay cash. It’s a new card, you see. I don’t know how to use it, you see.”

(She hands me the money and leaves, telling her son she’s heading to the car.)

Customer #2: “I’m so sorry about that!” *pays very quickly and leaves*

(It ended up taking ten minutes for her to pay. Her son paid in about twenty seconds!)

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Must Have Her House In That Car

, , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(I’m cashiering at a well-known department store.)

Customer: *puts her items on the counter* “Can I keep the hangers? And will you put this in a garment bag?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.” *starts ringing her up*

Customer: “I forgot my [Store] card in my car and I don’t want to walk all the way outside to go get it.”

Me: “That’s okay. I can look it up using your ID. And you get an extra discount for using it today. It brings your total to [total].”

Customer: “I left my ID in the car, too. I didn’t want to carry around my heavy purse while I shopped. Can you use my husband’s ID? It’s the same last name and address.”

(On a normal day, I would do this. However, my store just changed the way we do a card lookup for security reasons and I definitely need her ID. She makes a HUGE show of having to go to her car to get her purse, and when she gets back she is exaggerating being exhausted)

Customer: “Ugh. This thing is so heavy. And it’s so hot outside.” *digs for her store card, can’t find it, and hands me her ID*

(I go to perform the lookup but it directs me to call our authorization department. I call and go through various steps with the woman on the other end to find the customer’s card, who tells me it’s been closed due to inactivity.)

Me: “When was the last time you used your card?”

Customer: “Maybe six months ago.”

Me: “Well, they told me that it was closed due to inactivity, but you can—“

Customer: *flips me off* “You can tell that to the b**** on the phone that I’m never opening another card here.” *leaves without taking her items or paying*

Me: *ringing up the next customer*

Customer: *comes back in the store* “Can I just pay with a Visa?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that.” *pays for her things* “I can’t believe this. I’ve been in here using my card! How can it be closed?! What’s the time limit for inactivity?”

Me: “Usually a year, but they’ve changed a lot of things this year.”

Customer: “I’m going to call them tomorrow. So, can I reopen my card here?”

Me: *internal scream* “Yes, ma’am. Here at the register, online, or over the phone.” *gives her the corporate number* “Have a good night!”

Customer: “You too, sweetie. Sorry I yelled at you. It’s not your fault.”

Me: *to coworker* “At least she apologized.”

(She walked out to meet her husband. However, she spent the next 45 minutes bothering various workers in the store because she couldn’t find her phone. We called it and took her information down only for her to find it in her car.)

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Might Not Be A Veteran But Is Always Starting A War

, , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(I’m at a home improvement store to return some paint after deciding the color didn’t look right. I get in line behind an older man with a cart full of paint. He has four one-gallon cans and one quart can. I have no idea why he is in the return line, as colored paint is non-returnable. The clerk calls for the next person and it is his turn. He tells the clerk that one of the one-gallon cans is empty and only there as a color match — odd because you really only need the lid. She begins to ring up his items for sale when he tells her he’s a veteran.)

Clerk: “Okay, I’ll need your service photo ID.”

Customer: *starts fumbling through his wallet* “I don’t have it with me. But I have…”

(He empties his wallet of all kinds of cards onto the return desk, none of which are the requested ID.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to have the photo ID. It is our policy so I can apply the discount.”

Customer: “I have this card, this card, this card…”

Clerk: “Sir, it has to be their photo ID.”

Customer: *still pushing other cards at her*

Clerk: “Sir, if you want me to apply the 5% discount, I have to see your service card with a photo ID.”

Customer: *now getting agitated, begins to make exaggerated gestures to the regular checkouts on the other end of the store* “Well, they applied it last time and I didn’t have it.”

Clerk: “Whoever it was shouldn’t have.”

Customer: “Ma’am, I’m a veteran. I served my country. I did my time. Why would I lie about my service? I served my country.”

(This sounds like a scam. I want to say, “Why would you lie about being a veteran? Oh, I don’t know… maybe for a 5% discount?”)

Clerk: “I can’t apply the discount without the ID.”

Customer: *goes into a full, loud rant and throws his credit card at her, accepting that he’ll have to pay the full price* “This is disgraceful! Disgraceful. I’m going to call in a complaint. I will.”

Clerk: “Certainly, sir. Please sign here.”

Customer: “Disgraceful. I’m going to complain about you!”

Clerk: “Okay, sir.” *directs her attention to the line that has grown behind me* “Next.”

(I state my transaction while he is leaving. Once he’s gone:)

Me: “Did you want me to put a call in to counter his complaint?”

Clerk: *laughs* “No, it’s all right.”

(I did, anyway. It was probably an empty threat, but I didn’t want her to get in trouble for upholding policy.)

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Card Payments Are Basic Human Rights, Apparently

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(The credit card system breaks down due to a server error. We hang a sign outside apologizing and explaining the situation. A couple walks in.)

Customer: “I’ll pay with a card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not possible right now. The system broke down. Cash only.”

Customer: “But I want to pay with a card. Can’t you just let me do it?”

Me: “As I said, it’s not possible. The system is not running. I’m sorry—“

Customer: “Are you kidding me? You can’t refuse my payment, you idiot! Who’s the customer, you or me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The system broke down. It’s just not possible. It’s not our fault. The company’s whole system has broken down.”

(The man walks away and joins the woman in the seating area. They are discussing for about ten minutes, constantly pointing at me and shaking their heads. Then I get a call by the company that they fixed the problem; the system is running again. I approach the couple.)

Me: “Excuse me. The problem was fixed. We can accept cards again.”

Customer: “Do you really think we still want to buy anything from YOU? I am a customer and you have to show me at least some basic human respect!”

(However, they stayed in the seating area for about one hour, just talking.)

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Speed Rant

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(Because my daughter is waiting for me outside my home and I’m headed home from work, I am in a bit of a hurry to get a few items for dinner and go. I get into the “15 items or less [sic]” line where there are two cashiers. The guy at the near cashier has a mostly full cart, but fortunately he’s reached the point to have to pay so I figure this won’t be a problem. The second cashier tries to wave me over but I point to the other customer’s cart positioned so I can’t get past and I make a shrug and palms-up motion. I figure I’ll wait it out. But then I get frustrated as the other customer — who appears to be about my own age — is struggling with the credit-card reader. I sigh internally and wait for him to finally finish and go. I throw my four items on the counter and after he’s out of earshot and say:)

Me: “So how many customers come through who seem like they’ve never seen one of these before?”

Cashier: *laughing* “You would be amazed. It was just as bad before the switch.” *meaning adding the ability to read the chips in cards now, not just swipe*

Me: “And how many still use checks?”

Cashier: “Also way too many. I thought those were gone. I’ll take your rewards card.” *which she quickly scans and hands back*

Me: “Me, too. I guess they use the excuse that they are old.” *I pause* “I am old and I know how to use these things, so what’s their excuse?”

Cashier: *laughing* “You have a great day, sir.”

Me: “You, too.”

(The whole thing was done that fast. And who says you can’t have a friendly conversation in the fast lane?)

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