Reading this story reminded me of when the owner of our store helped us out using a similar method. I work in a small-ish convenience store owned by a guy who has been in retail a long time — long enough to have heard it all and to have had some fun putting some random fun signs up near the cashier stations.

Me: “Hmm, this item doesn’t seem to be scanning. I’ll need to type it in manually.”

Customer: “Ha! If it doesn’t scan, does that mean it’s free?”

I stare with cold, emotionless eyes at the customer as I point to a sign literally above my head.

Sign: “In this store, ‘It must be free’ is a request for ritualistic combat to the death.”

Me: “Would you prefer swords, axes, or a spiked mace as your weapon of choice, sir?”

Customer: “I… guess you hear that a lot, huh?”

Not everyone shared the owner’s sense of humor, but all agreed if there was a sign dedicated to it then it must happen… a lot.

Related:
Signs Of Influence

A customer has been waiting in line during a busy stretch at my convenience store. I am finally serving him.

Customer: “What’s your name?! I want to call corporate!”

Me: “It’s Aaron.”

Customer: “Erin?”

Me: “No, sir, Aaron.”

Customer: “Ron? Just say Ron! None of this extra crap! It’s worse than pronouns, I swear!”

Me: “Sir, my name is Aaron.”

Customer: “No, you’re Ron! Stop trying to be all fancy!”

Me: “Wait, sir. If I may ask, why are you going to call Corporate?”

Customer: “To complain about you, of course!”

Me: “Then, in that case, you can call me anything you like, sir.”

“Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix” has just come out. It’s the largest of the books, running over 750 pages. A frazzled-looking woman approaches me.

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This book is supposed to be for children!”

Me: “It is, ma’am.”

Customer: “But look at it! It’s huge!“

Me: “It’s a long book, but it doesn’t contain anything unsuitable for children if they’ve already enjoyed the series so far.”

Customer: “But… my kids already read too much! They’re always stuck at home, reading, reading, reading! I told them they could only read one book this summer, and you’ve gone and f****** given me a book that will take them all f****** summer to read!”

Me: “Oh… Well, most parents would be happy to have kids so into reading.”

Customer: “But they’re boys! I didn’t raise them to be little nerdy wizards! This is all your fault!”

She still — begrudgingly — purchased two copies of the book, grumbling for the whole transaction about how kids should be out playing.

An older couple is checking out at my lane.

Customer: “You look familiar. Did you used to work at [Store]?”

Me: “No, this is my first job.”

Customer: “No, I could have sworn you used to work at [Store]. It would have been around 1990.”

Me: “Ma’am, I was born in 1993.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I swear it was you.”

Me: “I am pretty sure I wasn’t working at [Store] three years before I was born.”

Customer: “Well… if you’re sure.”

Customer’s Husband: “Honey, seriously?” 

Customer: “What? People could work younger back then!”

I work at a big box store as a cashier. I grew up very conscious of waste and so I started out trying my best to give customers as many shopping bags as they needed and no more. We have tiny bags, normal bags, and giant bags.

A customer is buying just one or two normal-sized bottles of Gatorade. They are just about the perfect size for a single tiny bag, so I started to bag them.

Customer: “Wait! I don’t want that bag; I want the normal bag! Those heavy bottles will go right through the plastic!”

As this is my first retail job and I am very young and naïve I guess I still thought I was a normal human being when wearing the uniform. I also know those bags have pretty much the same strength because they have the same construction, just a different size. I am confident that the tiny bag will hold those bottles fine, so I say, a little confused:

Me: “But it’s the same plastic?”

Customer: “…Cancel my order and I’ll take my business elsewhere. Or maybe we should get a manager?”

Me: “Here’s your normal bag, ma’am. This is your total. Thank you and goodnight.” 

She went straight to the customer service desk to complain about me anyway. The shift manager and the desk clerk came to me after she’d talked to them and left in a huff. Apparently, they were both baffled by her story and needed me to even clarify what she wanted. One of them said, “But… it is the same plastic?”