(I rang up a customer and about ten minutes later, the woman comes back in, cuts in front of the rest of the line and begins yelling at me.)

Customer: “You never gave me my credit card back! You stole it!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I did not steal your credit card. I gave it back to you.”

Customer: “No you didn’t! I know you stole it! I demand my credit card back!”

(This goes on for ten minutes as I continue ringing up other customers, all of them staring at the insane woman screaming at me.)

Customer: “I looked everywhere and I cannot find my credit card! I know you have it!”

(She opens her wallet to show me that her credit card is missing. I spot the credit card in her wallet.)

Me: “Is your credit card a light-blue visa?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “…It’s in your wallet, right there.”

(She storms out with an attitude and doesn’t even apologize.)

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(I have been ringing up a customer’s purchases on the register and am just about to put through his credit card for payment.)

Me: “Sir, just sign here please.”

Customer: “No, I don’t sign.”

Me: “You have to sign so that your credit card is verified; it shows you paid for it and not someone else.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to sign. Forget about it all, goodbye!”

(The customer leaves his purchases on the counter which he’s just paid for; the electronic system isn’t actually activated by a signature. It goes through automatically; the signature is just a formality.)

Me: “Wait, where are you going? You just paid for this stuff! Are you going to leave it here? Hey!”

(The customer exits the store, and my manager motions for me to follow, with a big mean smile on his face. I sigh and run after the customer.)

Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, you can’t just leave that stuff there. You need to come back and claim it or we’ll refund it for you.”

Customer: “Why are you following me? What’s wrong with you? Leave me alone. I told you I didn’t want to sign anything!”

Me: “I’m not going to chase you all over the city, but you should know you’ve got things in there you just paid for. You’re down $120 if you leave them there.”

Customer: “But I didn’t sign.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter if you signed anything; your purchase still went through. Now are you going to come back and get your money or your items, or are you happy with donating $120 to our store?”

Customer: “You’re crazy! I didn’t sign anything so I didn’t pay. You’re just trying to get me back there so I’ll buy more stuff! Leave me alone!”

(I decide to give it up since it’s clear this person isn’t going to listen to me; he’s convinced I’m trying to rip him off while, in fact, I’m doing the opposite…)

Me: “Suit yourself, then. Thanks for the $120.”

(Sure enough, three days later, the customer returned, angry about the store stealing money from him when he didn’t make a purchase. I rolled my eyes and left him for someone else to deal with. He was still yelling that he hadn’t signed anything.)

(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

Lady: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What isn’t?”

Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

Lady: *growing fidgety* “But that’s not what the coupon says.”

Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [Drugstore Chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back; I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

Me: *head-desk*

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(At the store where I used to work, most of our bags didn’t have handles. Only the largest size did. A woman was buying a greeting card, which, after scanning, I gave to her in a small paper bag.)

Woman: “Don’t you have any bags with handles?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The only bags we have with handles are these big ones.”

(I show her the large bag with handles.)

Woman: “Well THAT’S stupid!”

(She then proceeded to call a few other things stupid.)

Woman: “Fine, just give me the bag without handles.”

Me: “Do you want your receipt?”

Woman: *looking at me as in disbelief* “NO, I don’t want a RECEIPT!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Well… you… DON’T have a nice day!”

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Guest: “I’d like to return this toaster.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, do you have a receipt for the purchase dated within ninety days?”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “Okay, well you can’t return it then. However, if you have an ID you can exchange it for an item of equal or lesser value from the same department.”

Guest: “But I don’t want to exchange it. I want my money.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but if you don’t have a receipt, you can’t return the item.”

Guest: “[Other Store Name] would take it back!”

Another Guest In Line: “Excuse me, I work there and, no we wouldn’t!”

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