Innuendo Is Priceless; For Everything Else…

, , , , | | Right | June 25, 2019

(I’m checking out an older gentleman who pays for his purchase with a debit card with a chip attached, but the machine doesn’t read the card.)

Me: “Sir, could you put the card back in? You took it out too soon.”

Older Gentleman: “Story of my life!”

(I held it together until he left. It was a good thing it was slow, as after he left I laughed really hard!)

CE-Oh No!

, , , , | | Right | June 24, 2019

(My father is the CEO of a high-end food store chain. He is known to fly around the country working as a bagboy in certain stores. Today he is at a store near headquarters while my mom and I are shopping.)

Customer: “No, no, no! You are doing it all wrong! You do not bag like that!”

Father: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You idiot, you are a horrible bagboy. You nearly broke the eggs I just bought. I ought to have you fired! I am the assistant manager—“ *while showing his badge* “—at [Store several miles away] and I am going to complain to your manager.”

Father: Bu—“

Customer: “At my store, my employees all work their hardest and if they do one thing wrong, they get their paycheck cut in half. You idiots should consider that!”

Father: “Is that so? I should report you.”

Customer: “What are you going to do? Complain to the corporate scumbags? They won’t care what you say. I am better than you and all bagboys at your store.”

Father: “Well, I can proudly say that the corporate office does, in fact, care about the little guys like bagboys. Want to know how I know?” *shows the customer his badge, which clearly states “CEO”*

Customer: “Uh, sir, uh. I was… uh… just kidding.”

Father: “Oh, really? No, don’t think so. Go to [His Store] and tell [Manager] you just got fired by a ‘corporate scumbag.’”

He’s Just Blowing Hot Air

, , , , , | | Right | June 21, 2019

(I work the till at a marine supply store that sells almost everything a boater could ask for. We get a lot of regular customers that many of my coworkers and I know by name. It’s late in the day, so it’s a little slow, and it’s just me and two other coworkers at the registers. A customer I’ve never seen before comes over to my coworker’s register with about $300 worth of product. She begins to ring him out and while he waits, he walks over and picks up a can of electronics duster — compressed air. He proceeds to spray the can of air into his hand for a good, long spritz and then places it back on the shelf.)

Me: “Um, sir, I think you need to pay for that since you just used it.”

(Both my coworkers simultaneously agree with me.)

Customer: “Oh, I was just checking the air pressure. Don’t worry about it.”

Me: “Okay, but you could have asked us about that, instead of spraying a good amount of the can into your hand. We can’t sell that now that you’ve used up a good bit of it.”

Customer: *irritated* “Like you would know what the air pressure would be like when I sprayed it.”

Me: “No, but we have our own cans. You could have asked us first before you wasted one that we can no longer sell. You really should pay for that since you used up a decent amount of it.”

Customer: *irritated and acting like he owns us because he’s spending lots of money* “I’ve been shopping here for twenty years; besides, I’m buying a few hundred dollars’ worth of your stuff. I can just leave here and not buy any of it!”

Me: “Okay, then you should be able to afford that $8 can of air you just wasted!”

(The customer begins to turn red and looks about like he’s ready to explode. My manager, after overhearing the entire conversation, quickly interjects by taking the can of air from the guy.)

Manager: *while walking away* “I’ll take care of this; just get him rung up.”

(The customer stands there, red-faced and angry, while my coworker finishes up his order. All the while, my other coworker and I glare at him. He notices my coworker giving him her best and scariest glare and quickly puts his head down for the remainder of his transaction. Once he’s been rung out, he quickly and quietly leaves.)

Coworker #2: “That guy was such a narcissistic a**hole.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, he said he’d been shopping here for 20 years, but I’ve never seen him before and he didn’t even have an account with us.”

The Mother Of All Bad Cashiers

, , , , , , , , | | Working | June 21, 2019

(I’m shopping after work at an electronics store. They have convenience items, like cookies, sodas, and various treats along a small aisle by the cash registers. A man and his kid are checking out in front of me.)

Kid: “Daddy! Daddy-daddy-daddy-daaaaddyyyyy! Can I have this? Please?” *puts a bag of cookies on the counter by the register, and addresses the cashier* “I wanna get these cookies, too!”

Dad: “Son, no. Reme—“

Cashier: “OH! I don’t know; you’d better ask your mommy! She mi—“

Kid: “I DON’T HAAAAAAAVE A MOMMY!” *starts wailing*

Dad: “Who? What?” *trying to talk and comfort his son through the crying* “Son, I already told you, we have those cookies at home!” *glares at the cashier and says quietly* “You have some d*** nerve.”

(They rush out of the store, the man consoling his very agitated son, as I bring a cart, a soda, and the same brand of cookies to the register, along with a ticket for a TV in the back.)

Cashier: “Oh, you just like contradicting your husband, don’t you? And what is this?” *holds up my ticket for the TV*

Me: “What? I’m extremely single. I don’t have any husband. And that’s for a TV.”

Cashier: “Oh, so, he won’t be helping out with this today? How can a little girl like you lift such a thing?” *holds up the ticket for the TV*

(Instead of scanning the ticket for the TV, the cashier talks in the most condescending, smarmy manner she can muster about how small and weak I must be, and how a real man would help me lift a TV like that. I’m pretty vexed at this point, and while I may be super skinny, I’m also rather tall so, instead of slouching over the cart I have for the TV, I push the cart aside and stand up to my full height. The cashier stops talking mid-sentence.)

Cashier: *finally scans ticket* “Um… so, how will you be paying for this today?”

Me: “Oh, me? Pay? This?” *going from serious to sarcasm in the next couple sentences* “Oh, I am no longer interested in purchasing those items. They are oh sooooo very hard to lift because I’ve never, ever, ever lifted a single thing ever in my entire life before this! Oh, dear me. Whatever shall I doooo?” *wipes my hand across my forehead, fake coughs, and becomes serious again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now!”

(The manager seemed rather apologetic about her behaviour, saying that they’d gotten several complaints, and even had one customer who was refused service after the cashier had scanned her item with a guy’s items, and told both of them to suck it up, when he realized that he was paying for the random person behind him. I said that while I appreciated his apology and the offer for free delivery and installation of my TV, the fact that the company seemed willing to tolerate this cashier and her antics – particularly the story he mentioned – made my decision for me. I accepted only corporate’s phone number, opting to never shop there again. On my way out, I saw the man come back with his son, who was sleeping in a cart. I gave him the number to corporate and introduced him to the manager I had spoken with. The manager was short-tempered and grumpy towards the man, who returned his entire order and got a refund for that and the cookies he was charged for but never took out of the store.)

Your Policy Knowledge Cannot Be Discounted

, , , , | | Right | June 20, 2019

(I work at a discount retail store. We often don’t have enough space to separate nested boxes individually on the shelves, so we will leave them within each other, but they do have the prices on each box. A customer comes up to my register and I begin to state that the nested boxes are individually priced.)

Me: “Just to let you know these boxes inside are individually priced.”

Customer: “No, they are not! They were inside each other and are sold as a set!”

Me: “I can assure you that they are not sold as a set; we just do not have enough shelf space to take out each individual box.”

Customer: “Then show me the price tags on each!”

(I slowly lift the second box out of the first box — without even looking at the bottom because I certainly know they are priced separately — and show the customer.)

Customer: “This is a disgrace! I will be contacting the Better Business Bureau on you and your store!”

Me: “Well, miss, if you have shopped here for a while, you know we never sell sets.”

Customer: “No! You just haven’t worked here long enough to know the policy for these items! I should get a four-box for, say, $6.99.”

Me: *starting to get aggravated* “Well, I’ve only worked here for six years and am the front-end supervisor.”

Customer: “That’s not enough time to know how your policy works!”

(She ended up storming off without purchasing anything.)

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