Express Lanes Provide Expressions Of Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I am a cashier at a large supermarket, working in the express lane with a sign: “eight items or less.” A guy pulls up with a cart full of groceries.)

Me: *politely* “Sir, this is an express lane.”

(He keeps unloading and either really doesn’t hear me or ignores me. I repeat myself, but by then half his cart is on the belt.)

Customer: “There’s no line.”

(That much is true. I start ringing him up. The fight that I feel I might start if I insist on him moving isn’t worth it to me. As we are finishing up the order:)

Me: *again, politely* “In the future, please pay attention to the sign that says, ‘eight items or less.’”

Customer: “But I was looking at that lane sign.” *pointing to the next lane* “That lane wasn’t an express lane.”

Me: “Do you mean the lane sign where the light is out telling you that the lane is closed?”

(He had the decency at least to look a little embarrassed.)

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Cool Old Ladies Can Be A Retail Worker’s Best Friend

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(I am ringing up a woman and her teenage daughter.)

Guest: “I just don’t understand why you can’t give me a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the sale ended yesterday.”

Guest: “I just think you’re being a b****.”

(She leaves. The elderly woman behind her has been eyeing her with disgust.)

Elderly Guest: *with a thick Georgia accent* “Now, don’t you pay her no mind. People like her don’t know how to be classy.”

Me: “I suppose so.”

(As I’m ringing her up, I notice a tattoo on her right hand in the shape of a diamond. She also has a large diamond wedding ring on her left hand.)

Me: “I love your tattoo!”

Guest: “Oh, why, thank you! Was quite a scandal when I got it, but I don’t really care. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, you know. Make sure your boyfriend buys you a nice one, now!”

(She leaves. Absolutely made my day.)

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If He Has Nothing Else, He Has The Audacity

, , , , | Legal | March 17, 2020

(I stop at a gas station to fill my tank and get a cup of coffee. I approach the register with my drink and am greeted by the cashier.)

Cashier: “Hi, I can take you here if you’re ready.” 

Me: “Thank you.”

Cashier: “Just the coffee?”

Me: “Actually, I’d like to get $20 on the first pump, please.”

Cashier: “Okay.” 

(A random man comes to stand beside me. He puts a few bags of snacks on the counter in front of me and smiles. The cashier smiles at him and begins scanning.)

Me: “Oh, those aren’t mine.”

Man: “It’s okay, babe.” 

Me: *shaking my head* “No, I –”

Man: *to the cashier* “I’ll take a case of [Cigarettes], too.”

Me: “Stop. I do not know him; I am not buying anything for him.”

Cashier: *uncomfortable* “Okay. So… Uh…”

Man: “Don’t tease her, honey.”

Me: “I’m not teasing anyone. You need to wait your turn.”

Man: “It’s not a big deal.” *puts his hand on the small of my back* “Smile!”

Me: *putting my hand in my pocket* “I will mace you.”

Man: *steps back, hands up* “Okay. It was just a joke. No need to be a b****.”

(The man pushes everything off the counter — thankfully not my coffee — walks out to his car and watches us at the register.)

Cashier: *blushing* “I’m so sorry. I thought you knew him and he was just adding to your order.” 

Me: “It’s okay; it’s not your fault.” 

Cashier: “Do you still want your coffee and gas?”

Me: “I’m going to wait until he leaves if that’s okay with you.” 

Cashier: “Totally acceptable.”

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Will Get A Good Whine At The Grocery Store

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(A young professional woman in her twenties or thirties comes through my line. She’s on her cell phone but I don’t mind as she has already indicated her bagging preferences.)

Me: “I need to ID you for the wine.”

(She hands me an expired license.)

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t sell you alcohol without a valid ID.”

Customer: *her whole body slumps* “Why not? I’m obviously over 21, and my birth year is on the card even if it is expired.”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s against the law, but I’ll check with a manager.”

(The manager arrives quickly and gives me the sideways eyeball since we both already know the answer is no.)

Manager: “We are unable to sell alcohol without a valid ID.” *hands the customer the expired ID*

(The customer then started loudly complaining to her friend on the phone about how they never need her ID at another large grocery chain in the area. I had to continue to fill the bags as the customer loudly “talked” to her friend on the phone about how inconvenienced she was, and on her birthday no less. It was obvious from the sideways looks and phone narration that this was for my benefit. Sorry, lady, but your $9.99 bottle of rosé is not worth losing my job and health benefits. The number of customers who drive to get wine but are driving without their license is mind-boggling.)

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The Only Line I Speak Is The Checkout Line

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(It is midnight and I am just getting off my shift at a family-owned grocery that closes at two in the morning on Saturday nights. I’ve been at work for ten hours now, taking in extra hours after a coworker was sick. My boss puts my chain up on my lane to let people know that I will not be checking anyone else now because I am clocking out. My light is off and everything. A Mexican lady comes through and takes down my chain and has her two kids push two grocery carts full of food. I am a white Irish female.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, I am clocking out. I can’t check you out, but we have four other lanes open and they will be happy to check you out.”

Lady: “I don’t speak English.”

Me: “Okay.” *points to light* “I can’t serve you; I am going home.”

Lady: “I don’t speak English.”

(An older woman coworker, who is also Mexican, comes over as the lady starts putting her groceries onto the belt.)

Coworker: “What’s going on?”

Me: “I am trying to tell her that I am clocking out, but she does not understand me.”

Coworker: *speaks Spanish to the lady* 

Lady: *looks confused* 

Coworker: *speaks Spanish again, and sighs* “You don’t even speak Spanish, do you?”

Lady: *clear English* “She has no one in her lane! She can check me out. I just want to go home!”

Coworker: “Well, miss, I was told that she has been here for ten hours; she wants to go home, too. Please go into another open lane.”

Lady: “But it’s sooo busy. I don’t want to wait around!”

Coworker: “Miss, please go into another lane before I call my boss.”

(The lady finally left and went to another line. For the past three weeks, no one has seen her, and my coworker and I still have a good laugh about it.)

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