I used to work at a grocery store as a bagger.

Customer: “I want my milk in a bag.”

This guy has a lot of stuff… so when I finally got around to the milk (because prioritizing and all that jazz), I wanted to confirm that’s what he said. It just slipped my mind. So, I asked again:

Me: “So that’s just this milk in a bag, sir?”

He proceeded to yell so loud that the next two lanes got quiet, and they were all staring at what was going on.

Customer: “Are you f****** stupid? Do you have hearing problems? Where is your manager? They should fire you for being so stupid. I already said I wanted it in the bag!”

Me: “Sir, I was just double-checking—”

Customer: “—You stupid piece of—”

Suddenly, his phone starts ringing. He answers it immediately, and his voice goes soft and gentle.

Customer: “Hiiii, darling! How’s my little sweet pea?”

I just stare at the cashier, and we shrug. The cashier later told me that she knew of a bunch of promotions and coupons for many of the items that the customer was purchasing that day that she just ‘happened to forget about’ for twenty minutes.

Related:
Has Baggage About The Bagging

Customer: “I get that this is a godless world, but do you have to have these… things on such clear display! Kids can see them!”

I look around the counter and see she’s pointing at the condoms.

Me: “Well, we actually want them to be easily seen, ma’am.”

Customer: “But it’s encouraging ungodly behavior! I don’t believe in premarital sex.”

Me: “Oh, it happens! It’s a real thing. It exists.”

Customer: “That’s… that’s not what I…”

Me: “Sounds like a pretty shoddy belief system to me.”

Customer: “But that’s…”

Me: “That’s like saying you don’t believe in the color blue. You’d be in for a shock looking up on a sunny day!”

Customer: “Ugh! You know what I meant!” *Walks out.*

Our store had a slight lack of cashiers, so we had some lines going back a bit. I was quickly scanning when, suddenly, a family I’d never seen before came to my line. The kid is absolutely screaming:

Kid: “I WANT RED BULL!”

Parents: “Alright, go grab them!”

I mean, whatever, that’s their choice. But then they (two kids, seven to eight years old) run around the bag spin thing next to me, literally PUSH me, and yell:

Kids: “I WANNA HELP SCAN!”

They pushed each other, saying:

Kids: “Let me do it! Let me do it!”

Me: “Hey, guys, you can’t be back here. This is only for the cashiers.”

They completely ignored me (I know they heard me because they looked at me when I started talking), and then one literally CLIMBS ON TO THE REGISTER, and presses random buttons on the computer!

Me: *Starting to raise my voice.* “Hey, don’t touch that! You guys have to go!”

The kid who is still on the ground trying to scan, starts screaming:

Kids: “I DON’T WANNA GO!”

The parents tell me:

Parents: “Hey, man, they’re kids. You better not have a problem with them; just let them have fun.”

I still have a long line, and after a few minutes, they finally decided to pay and go. I was so furious.

About thirty minutes later, my manager needs to talk to me. She tells me, and I quote:

Manager: “So, why are you yelling at kids in here?”

I explain what happened, tell her I did NOT yell at the kids, and she just interrupted me and said she didn’t want a complaint from a customer again about me with children.

A woman is coming through my lane at the grocery store’s pharmacy, on the phone, which is a pet peeve already, but then when she holds up a finger telling me to wait, did I?

No. I did not.

I start talking loudly, over her phone conversation, but also loud enough for other customers in the line (who she is holding up) to hear.

Me: “Ma’am, what is your name?!”

Me: “Ma’am! I’m sorry, I can’t hear your name over your phone conversation that you’re not pausing at the checkout!”

Me: “Ma’am! Just so I can narrow it down, are you here to pick up prescribed medication or regular over-the-counter items, like, for example, incontinence underwear?!”

Customer: *Giving me the stink eye.* “Oh my god! I’m on the phone!”

Me: “Ma’am, you got in my line, and it’s your turn, so we’re going to talk. In five seconds, I’m ignoring you and serving the customer behind you, and you’ll have to get in line again.”

Customer: *Still giving me the stink eye, talking into the phone.* “I’ll call you back. The pharmacist is being a b****.”

Me: “Aaaaand now you’re going to the back of the line anyway!”

Customer: “What?! No! I hung up! It’s my turn!”

Me: “You can wait ten minutes again and take the time to think about why you just called me a b****. Next customer, please!”

The customer protests, but the next customer wastes no time in pushing ahead of her and naming her prescriptions.  

The customer tried to speak over our conversation, but we gave her no way in, so she shrieked:

Customer: “B****!”

And storms off completely. I never saw her again. I hope her meds weren’t more important than her phone call.

Related:
Checkout Calling

I work retail, and one thing we sell a lot of at our store is bird food for wild birds. One popular item we have is a sausage made of a mixture of tallow and seeds, and during a certain period, you would get this item for free with your purchase if you bought other kinds of bird food or a bird feeder.

A woman in her sixties came in, and I ended up ringing her up. She had two different bird food items in her cart along with two sausages, and expected to get them both for free since she was buying two items of bird feed. One for each, basically. I told her that it was one per purchase, not per item of bird feed, which she thought the sign put up didn’t make clear. Fair enough. Agree to disagree.

Customer: “But then I can go out and come back and make another purchase and get another for free.”

Me: *Not really caring.* “If that’s what you want to do, that’s fine!”

Despite her opinions about the unclear phrasing of a very simple sign, she never got rude. She simply removed one sausage and a bag of bird feed, since that one sausage wouldn’t be free anymore. I stay at the registers after she paid and left, and it doesn’t take long until she comes back inside. The big fur coat she had on earlier is now removed, like she meant business.

Customer: “You know what, I think I’ll take the bag and get the sausage!”

Sure thing, lady.

As I’m ringing her up again, she’s laughing like she thinks she’s a criminal mastermind who’s figured out how to get free items. She doesn’t stop laughing once during our second time at the register together. It keeps going as she takes out her wallet, offers me her ID again, during payment, and as I offer her her receipt. Then out she goes, happy as can be with her one free sausage.