A Signature Sign Of Why Stupid People Shouldn’t Be Allowed Money

, , , , , | | Right | May 1, 2019

(As a store manager, I get called to problematic customer situations. Today, I hear the customer screaming through the store before I even get there.)

Customer: “No! I’m not leaving until no one can see! You won’t steal my identity!”

(The customer is draped over the PIN pad of the register, while several employees stand around looking confused.)

Me: “Hi. What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “They’re going to see and steal my identity!”

Me: “Were you signing up for a credit card?”

Employee: “No, she doesn’t want us to see her signature.”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you that your signature is securely–”

Customer: “No! All the other customers will see! They’ll steal my identity!”

Employee: “She didn’t use the stylus to sign; she used a permanent marker from her purse.”

Customer: “Everyone will see my signature!”

Me: “Uh… Okay, well, let’s see if we can find something to clean the signature off.”

Customer: “No, no, no!”

(She angrily grabs the PIN pad section and starts to pull it back and forth until it rips it off of the register, then turns and starts to walk away.)

Me: “Ma’am, ma’am, you can’t do that. Ma’am!”

(Fortunately, security was already there and managed to stop her. She ended up banned from the mall. The rest of the week, I had to deal with customers furious that the register was out of order and closed until a replacement shipped in. I couldn’t tell them why.)

You Will Buy What We Tell You To Buy

, , , , , | | Right | April 30, 2019

(There are two customers at my register. I’m currently serving [Customer #1], while [Customer #2] has just finished unloading her groceries onto the belt, ready to be served next.)

Customer #2: “Sorry, I just forgot to get something. Do you mind if I quickly run and grab it?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Customer #2: “Thanks.”

([Customer #2] leaves her groceries on the belt and races back down an aisle to find what she wants. This is a fairly regular occurrence, so I think nothing of it. Shortly after she has left, though, [Customer #3] arrives and starts unloading her groceries onto the belt behind [Customer #2]’s stuff. As she does, I finish serving [Customer #1]. Then, although she is not back yet, I start scanning through [Customer #2]’s groceries.)

Customer #3: “Um, excuse me. Those aren’t mine.”

Me: “I know. They’re—“

Customer #3: *sounding very panicked* “No, really, they’re not mine. I didn’t put them there. I have no idea where they came from.”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: *sounding even more panicked* “I really don’t know how they got there, honestly. I didn’t put them there. They’re not mine. Please. I don’t want them.”

(At that moment, [Customer #2] returned to claim her groceries. A look of relief instantly washed over [Customer #3] as she finally understood where those groceries came from. But for a moment there, it honestly sounded like she thought I was going to force her to buy these groceries that had magically appeared out of nowhere. Customers are weird.)

Does Not Register How To Use The Register

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2019

(Our card reader does take chip cards, but it’s a very persnickety thing and if you do things in the wrong order, it will either ignore you completely or force you to start over.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, before you chip it, just confirm the amount—“

Customer: “I know how to do it!”

(She jams her card into the chip reader. It gives an angry buzzing noise.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, please take your card out of the chip reader and press the green circle on the screen.”

(Ignoring me, she jams the green circle on the keypad.)

Me: “Ma’am, you have to take your card out, press the circle on the screen, and put the card back in.”

Customer: “I know how to do it!”

(She jabs the circle on the screen but doesn’t take her card out. The reader proceeds to ignore her card in the slot and instructs her to swipe or chip her card.)

Customer: “Why does it say to swipe or chip?! It’s already in there!”

Me: “Ma’am, this machine is very persnickety. You need to take your card out and start over.”

Customer: “No, I don’t! I know how to use these things!”

(The card reader times out, meaning we now have to start over. I press the appropriate buttons.)

Me: “Take your card out and press the green circle on the screen. Then put your card back in.”

(The woman pulls her card out, then jams it back in before pressing the green circle. Since she didn’t press the green circle first, the machine buzzes at her.)

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I know how to use these things!”

Me: *annoyed* “Ma’am, please listen to the instructions–“

Customer: “This is bulls***! You do it, then!”

(She throws her card down on the counter. I sigh, turn the scanner toward me, and press the green button. It chimes happily and I put her card in. In seconds, her card is authorized and I take her card out and hand it to her.)

Me: “Now you just need to sign using the stylus and press the green circle on the screen again…”

(She jabs the screen viciously with her finger and rubs back and forth.)

Customer: “Why isn’t it working?!”

Store Manager: *who has been nearby, watching* “Because you can’t seem to follow directions. Use. The. Stylus. And press the green circle on the screen.”

(The woman finally grabs the stylus, scribbles incomprehensibly on the screen, and jams the stylus back into its holder. I sigh and pick up the stylus, pressing the green button. The persnickety machine is finally happy; it chimes again and the woman’s receipt prints up.)

Customer: “I know how to use these things!”

Me & Store Manager: *as she flounces out* “No… You clearly don’t.”

The Rewards Program That Isn’t That Rewarding

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(Our department store has a rewards program. Customers have praised the rewards program for the discounts it offers, but the only problem is that the customer is the only one who has access to their rewards account, meaning we cashiers can’t look it up on our registers. We can only connect their account to their purchase so that they can get the points for it. They either have to download the store’s app on their phone, look it up online, or print out and show us their coupons on their email to use their rewards. It just takes a matter of preparation in advance. Unfortunately, our store’s competitor has a very similar rewards program that CAN be accessed through their registers, as well as being able to use the coupons from that account. Customers occasionally confuse us for our competitor and ask us, “Do I have any rewards?” despite us not being able to check. Sometimes the customer is cordial about it and will accept a coupon I may have at the register, or annoyed because they “hadn’t planned on stopping in” and hence didn’t think to see if they had any coupons. Regardless, I try to take it in stride and offer as much help as I can so that they can get their discounts now, or tell them how they can save more the next time they come in. An older gentleman approaches my register with some expensive shoes.)

Customer: “Can I give you my rewards number?”

Me: “Absolutely! What’s your phone number?”

Customer: *tells me number* “I should have some rewards there. I want to use them for this.”

Me: “Oh, well, unfortunately, I can’t see what you’ve earned in your rewards account. You can either look it up on your app, the website, or your email.”

Customer: *stares at me* “That’s not right. I did it last time, and you guys were able to do it!”

Me: *confused, before I realize something* “Oh! Do you by any chance mean you did this at [Competitor]?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can’t do the same thing they can. Our register just can’t see your rewards account. But I can definitely put the points you earned in this purchase into the account!”

Customer: “But I want my coupon. What can we do so that I can use my coupon right now?”

Me: “Well, you can look it up on the website! May I see your phone?”

(Presumptuous me assumes he has a smartphone connected to our store’s WiFi. Imagine the dumb look on my face when he hands me an old-school flip phone. He stares at me as I laugh nervously and apologize, handing it back.)

Me: “Another option is that you can look it up on your email! Do you have a computer at home with email access?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cool! So, when you get home, print out the coupon and show it to customer service, as they’ll happily take the discount off today’s purchase. Or, you can always leave your shoes here on hold and buy them with the coupon when you come back.”

Customer: “So, I need my email?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Give me something to write with.”

Me: “Okay, sure!”

(I hand him a piece of paper and a pen and I watch, clueless, as he writes something down. He turns the paper to me and stares.)

Me: “Is this your email?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can I ask what you want me to do with it?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “I want you to look up my account and use my coupon.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t look it up on my register. It—“ *turns the register to show him* “It doesn’t give me the option.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “And it’s not a computer, so I can’t look up your email.”

Customer: “But you said I needed my email address to get my coupons!”

Me: “Yes. For you to use at home. On your computer.”

Customer: “So, you can’t get my coupons for me?”

Me: *genuinely apologetic* “No.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Whatever.”

(He purchases his shoes and leaves in a frustrated huff.)

Me: *to myself* “My lips were moving, but all he heard was, ‘blah blah blah.’”

Will Not Give Them Credit For Assuming

, , , , , | Working | April 25, 2019

(I am 21, checking out at a popular women’s underwear store. As I am checking out:)

Employee #1: “Would you like to sign up for a [Brand] card today?”

(At this question I take a moment to contemplate opening up a credit card here since, granted, I shop here a lot and want to build credit. However, before I can answer [Employee #1], [Employee #2], who I guess has been listening, chimes in.)

Employee #2: “She can’t have one.”

Me: “Why not?”

Employee #2: “It’s a credit card, and you need to be 18 to have a credit card.”

Me: *pulling my credit card out of my wallet* “Like this one?”

(The rest of my transaction was done very quietly and awkwardly. I understand that I look young, but they could have asked if I was 18 or older instead of assuming.)

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