Wanting The Bread Buttered On Both Sides

, , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I haven’t done much retail work, but the one thing I did was as a cashier in a bakery. One day an elderly lady comes in carrying half a loaf of bread in a dish towel. I should note that shrimp salad is a sort of cheese-like spread with tiny chunks of shrimp in it.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I bought this bread yesterday and it has a hole in it.”

(She then unwraps the half-loaf and shows it to me. It does indeed have an air bubble around the size of a coin.)

Customer: “I was wondering if I could have a refund?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But I can’t give you a refund, as you have already eaten part of the product.”

Customer: “But my shrimp salad falls through the hole. Do you think you could give me a new loaf, then, in return for this one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that, either.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, can you write a note to the baker himself, and tell him that this bread had a hole in it?”

(I promised her that I would, and she left with her hole-y bread. Bless her heart, she was so sweet and patient about it, and I really wanted to just give her a new bread, but I knew I couldn’t.)

En-Treat-ing Them Not To Get Her In Trouble

, , , , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I am helping a lady with two trolleys and two toddlers through my till on a Friday afternoon. One of the poor mites is sick with a cold, and the other is grumpy and tired. I’m trying to keep them amused while keeping the experience as stress-free as possible. The mother has unloaded everything and just arrived at the other side of the till when she leans down and puts her head in her hands in genuine distress.)

Customer: “Oh, dear God, no. Please don’t. This isn’t happening. It can’t be happening.”

Me: “What’s wrong, love?”

Customer: “I left the bags in the back of the car. I left the d*** bags in the back of the d*** car and I can’t go get them.”

(Her sadness is so distressing I immediately try and fix it.)

Me: “That’s okay; I’ll go get them for you!”

(The customer stares at me as if I have two heads, and I make a hasty retreat.)

Me: “I mean, only if that’s okay with you. I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said anything—“

Customer: “No—“

Me: “—but, I mean, you can’t go get them, and you’re under enough pressure as it is… I apologise, ma’am, I over-help sometimes.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. Go get them for me, please. Thanks so much!”

(She hands me a HUGE bunch of keys.)

Customer: “I’m the white one by the brick wall opposite the pub. Bags are in the boot, left-hand side. Thanks so much!”

(Astonished I’m not in trouble, I take the keys and hurry into our car park. There is only one brick wall next to the pub, but there are at least five white cars. One of them is a brand-new, gleaming Rolls Royce Phantom which is being admired from afar by several gentlemen. Not knowing which car is the one I want, I find the key-fob and press it. Everyone jumps as the Phantom lights up and clicks. Everyone stares at me as I casually walk over, pull open the boot, grab a stack of neatly-folded shopping bags, and close it again. In the back seat of the car is a stack of kiddy treats. Acting on impulse, I open the back door and grab a couple.)

Me: *shrugs* “Forgot the bags, didn’t I, like a silly numpty.”

(I scurry back inside to find the mom trying to corral two screaming kids and arguing with my manager.)

Customer: “No, she offered to get bags for me out of my car! She has not abandoned me!”

Me: “Hey, I’m back. They were exactly where you said they were. No problems. Hey, [Manager], how about we get this lovely lady checked out and you can tell me off later, yeah? Hey, boys, want a treat?”

(Between us, we get everything packed up in record time. Her kids calm down, and their mom visibly de-stresses and feels a lot better. As she turns to go:)

Customer: “Thank you so much! Hope you don’t get into trouble!”

(When I arrived for my next shift, I got called into the manager’s office where I found a letter addressed to me. Turned out the lady’s husband was the CEO of one of my company’s suppliers, and the letter was to make sure I wouldn’t get in trouble for what I did. Instead, I was complimented on my level of service, and I was also offered a small gift, which I chose to donate to the local food bank. I never saw the lady again, but her husband comes in for his lunch occasionally and always makes sure to ask after me, and when he found out I was trying to change career, he offered me a new job!)

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This Part Is Always Self “Check” Out

, , , , , , | | Right | June 29, 2019

(I’m cashiering one slow evening. A regular customer comes through my line. I go through my usual spiel and start to scan his groceries.)

Customer: “D***, I forgot my credit card at home. Do you guys take checks?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Great. The checkbook is in the car; I’ll be right back.”

(His order is large enough that I’m just finishing up when he returns.)

Me: “All right, the total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The guy opens his checkbook to the next blank check, rips it out, and hands it to me without filling anything out. I stare at him, then I stare at the check, and then back at him, not sure what to say.)

Customer: “Oh, do I have to fill that out?”

(I have never seen a customer so trusting with their money that they would hand a complete stranger a blank check.)

A Problem Attributed To This Individual

, , , , | | Right | June 28, 2019

(A customer is buying a huge amount of mix-and-match tableware from our houseware department. I happen to be nearby as the cashier is ringing him up and hear that the customer sounds upset with the cashier.)

Me: “Hi there. I’m the store manager; is there something I can do to help?”

Customer: “Yes! Little miss here wants me to get tackled by security.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “She isn’t scanning each item! The alarm will go off and security will come after me!”

Me: “I see. Well, it looks like she is entering the SKUs in by quantity, and that’s fine. It will go much faster.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! You have to scan each item or the alarm goes off.”

Me: “Don’t worry. The barcode doesn’t affect the alarm, so you are fine.”

Customer: “I am not! You all want to see me tackled by security, huh?”

Me: “Okay, [Cashier], why don’t you just ring each item through, if it will make the customer feel more confident about his purchase today?”

(The cashier did, scanning quantities of 30-50 of each item while the customer grumbled about the wait.)

Pepsi Vs Coke: The Great War Of Our Time

, , , , | | Right | June 26, 2019

(I work in a convenience store. You meet all kinds of weird or dumb people but this one, in particular, can’t grasp the simplest concept. This lady comes up with two two-liter sodas, both of which are part of a deal where you get both for one sale price, but they can’t be mixed and matched; they must be made by the same company.)

Coworker: “Your total is [amount].”

Customer: “That isn’t right; it should be [Sale Price]. Fix it. The sign says it’s [total].”

(I look over to see she has a bottle of [Soda #1] and a bottle of [Soda #2]. Anyone who knows anything about soda knows there are two major manufacturers. The sale doesn’t work with one of each.)

Customer: “Why isn’t it giving me the sale price?!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are two separate brands of soda made by two different companies. The sale price only applies to two sodas from the same company.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous! They both say two for [total]! I want that price.”

(This went back and forth for a while and we didn’t want to keep dealing with her, so we overrode the price to get her out of our hair. All this was over less than a dollar.)

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