, , , | Right | July 23, 2018

(I recently started working as a cashier at a membership-based store that requires cashiers to slide a membership card to begin a transaction. A group of guys come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi, can I get your card, please?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your membership card? I need it to ring you up.”

Customer: “What? We just want to check out.”

(His friends are behind him, snickering at this point.)

Me: “In order for me to ring you up, I need your membership card…”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Just ring us up!”

Me: “Are you guys members? You need to have a membership to shop here.”

Customer: “We don’t want a membership; just ring us up.”

(His friends were all laughing behind him. We went back and forth a few times before I got a supervisor, who also tried to explain it, before eventually just using a spare membership card on them, something that we are not allowed to do. I forgot all about it until years later, when I read a story on Not Always Working about a cashier that wouldn’t ring some guys out and instead just kept yelling, “Your card! You should have a store card!” who may possibly be me…)

In Receipt Of Every Complaint

, , , , , , | Right | July 23, 2018

(We are the customers in this story. My husband and I are rushing to pick up some last minute props for our maternity photoshoot. We are next in line behind an older lady with a very unhappy look on her face.)

Cashier: *politely* “Receipt in the bag okay for you, ma’am?”

Customer: *abruptly* “NO! It is absolutely not okay!”

(She then goes on to mumble into her purse as she slowly folds the receipt, about how everything in the store was horrible; it was too crowded, and the music was too loud. It is 10:30 am on a Saturday, there is barely anyone in the store, and you can barely hear the soft music.)

Cashier: “Have a nice day!”

(The customer waves her off and stomped away.)

Me: “Well, that was different.”

Husband: “And you stayed smiling the entire time! How did you manage that?”

Cashier: “Oh, you wouldn’t believe the things we see in here sometimes.”

(There are some individually-wrapped chocolates at the cash register. I pick one up and add it to the pile, intending to surprise the cashier with it. My husband then picks it up and makes like he’s unwrapping it.)

Me: “NO! Put that back. It’s not for you; it’s for this nice girl for dealing with that horrible lady and keeping a smile on her face.”

Cashier: “Oh, thank you so much!”

(She brightened considerably and looked a little happier as we leave. Hubby still couldn’t believe how rude the lady was. Sadly, having been a bartender, I can totally believe it.)

The Joke Has Become Self-Aware

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2018

(I’m helping a customer at the till.)

Me: “Oh! It looks like this shirt doesn’t have a tag on it!”

Customer: “So, it’s free?” *looks horrified* “Oh, God, I’m becoming what I hate most.”

(At least this customer realized afterward that we REALLY hate that joke.)

Bought Those Books For His Shorty’s Birthday

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2018

(I work at an independent used bookstore.)

Me: “All right, sir, the total is $32.10.”

Customer: “What forms of currency do you take?”

Me: “We accept all major credit cards, sir—”

Customer: “No, no. Currency. What types of currency do you take?”

Me: “Um, all forms of legal American currency, sir.”

Customer: “Great!”

(He then proceeded to pull out rolls of half-dollar coins and pay for the entire purchase in 50-cent pieces.)

Keep The Change, However Much It Is

, , , , , , | Right | July 22, 2018

(One afternoon a customer walks in and orders a $3 item. He pays with a $5 bill and the coins needed to get a flat amount back. Before I can give him his change, he pulls three $1s out of his pocket.)

Customer: “I just realized I had these extra dollars on me. Think I could give you these then you could give me a $5 back?”

Me: “Not a problem.” *completes the transaction* “You know, this kind of looks like you spent $3, only to be given $5 and a drink.”

Customer: “What? How? Explain this to me.”

Me: “Ignoring the coins, your order was $3. You gave me $5, for $2 change. Then you handed me $3 so I combined them—”

Customer: “And I got my $5 back.”

Me: “And you got your $5 back.”

Customer: *laughs* “Okay. Tell me that one more time.”

(We ended up repeating this conversation three more times, the customer laughing harder each repeat. In the end, he thought it was amusing enough to let me keep the change!)

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