The Bread Bag Paradox

, , , , , | Right | September 11, 2018

(A customer walks up to my lane with a reusable bag. She’s purchasing several canned items and a loaf of bread. I start ringing her up.)

Me: “So, a layer of cans on the bottom, and I’ll put the bread on top?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “So, I’ll bag the bread separately?”

Customer: “No, they can all go in one bag.”

Me: “…?”

(I just bagged her items as I initially said.)

Sounds Like A Heavy User

, , , | Right | September 11, 2018

(I work at an alternative smoke shop. We sell glass pipes among other things, and I always ask if people would like their smaller pieces wrapped to save bubble wrap.)

Me: “Would you like me to wrap that up for you?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter. Why do you ask?”

Me: “Sometimes people prefer to not waste the packaging. You know, save the dolphins.” *trying to be humorous, as it’s a hippy store*

Customer: “Oh.” *stares blankly with the pipe in her hand*

Me: “So would you like that wrapped up?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah.”

Me: “Okay.” *slightly stunned*

(I wrapped up the pipe and she left.)

Can’t Let That Slide

, , , , , | Right | September 10, 2018

(I have finished ringing up a customer and have given her the total. We have the new chip reader in our pin pads, but it only works for credit.)

Customer: *with card ready to stick in* “Chip or slide?”

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *angrier now* “Chip or slide?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that depends; will it be debit or credit?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter! Chip or slide!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it does matter. If it is debit you need to slide it and if it is credit you need to insert the chip.”

Customer: *grumbles under her breath* “Fine.”

Customers Are Like Angels With Filthy Souls

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2018

(I have a friend who is not well versed in ‘90s and early ‘00s pop culture references. She works delivery for a pizza chain, and prides herself on being prompt and accurate with orders. One December night, she approaches a house and, after a fairly pleasant exchange with the customer, this happens:)

Customer: *throws money at her and slams door shut* “KEEP THE CHANGE, YA FILTHY ANIMAL!”

Friend: “UM?”

(Not knowing what’s happening, she texts me.)

Friend: “I don’t know how to feel right now. And I quote: ‘Keep the change you filthy animal!’?”

Me: *after I finish dying laughing* “It’s a Home Alone reference.”

Friend: “Really? I was traumatized.”

Off-Duty But Always On

, , , , | Legal | September 10, 2018

(I am a young male working as a cashier. Because I’m underage, I cannot sell alcohol. A woman in her 30s approaches my checkout.)

Customer: “Hello, sweetheart. Just this.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to go to the other register. I’m underage, so I can’t sell you liquor.”

Customer: “Come on. Can’t you let it slide, cutie? I can give you a nice tip.”

Me: “Rules are rules. I cannot sell you alcohol.”

Customer: “Baby, you’re making this way more difficult than it should be. I just want some good liquor to enjoy with someone handsome, like you.”

(The customer is uncomfortably close and is trying to place cash in my jean pocket. A regular customer comes and drags her off me.)

Customer: “Hey! What gives?”

Regular: “Please step away from him.”

Customer: “Do you know who I am?”

Regular: “Yes, a woman in her thirties flirting with and trying to get a minor to sell her alcohol.”

Customer: “And who the hell are you, a**hole?”

Regular: “An off-duty cop. Want to see my badge?”

(I have never seen anyone run so fast out of a store. A report was filed and camera footage was given. I have no idea what happened to that woman.)

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