I was checking out at the supermarket.

Checkout: “£2.04, please.”

Me: “Sorry, this is all I’ve got.” *Hands them a £20 note*

Checkout: *Pulling a grumpy face* “Haven’t you got anything smaller? It will take all my change, and I don’t wanna count out £17.96.”

Me: “I can pay by card; shall I?”

Checkout: *Snapping* “Don’t do me no favours.”

I kept my cool and just put my PIN in.

Checkout: *Very sarcastically* “Cash back?”

I couldn’t stop myself…

Me: “Oh, yes. £17.96, please.”

I am a mother to a baby who has just figured out that he can grab things and move objects around. He’s also being fussy right now, so I am carrying him as I am buying some items at a grocery store.

The checkout clerk, a young male, is making me feel nervous as he keeps looking at my breasts.

Me: “Uh, excuse me. My eyes are up here.”

Checkout Clerk: “Actually, they’re down there, too.”

Confused, I looked down, and I immediately turned red. My son must have played with his older sister’s collection of “googly eyes” and brought a few with him. When I picked him up, he must have managed to stick them to… well… right in the middle of my breasts.

I removed them quickly and finished the checkout process in silence. 

I’m sure life will present me with plenty of creeps in the future, but I might quickly check for extra eyes before I assume!

I am helping an angry-looking woman at the self-checkout. I am relatively new to working — and to working retail!

Customer: “It is ridiculous that it needs you to come over and verify my age! I’m sixty-f******-three!”

Me: “The machine can’t confirm that, ma’am, so it needs to call me over.”

Customer: “It has cameras, don’t it? It should be able to tell!”

Me: “Maybe one day, but for now, it’s not capable of—”

Customer: “Are you calling me incapable?”

Me: *Confused* “No? I was saying—”

Customer: “Get me your manager! You’re ageist!”

Knowing better than to argue with crazy, I call my manager over. He deals with her, sends her on her way, and then comes over to me.

Manager: “Yeah, she just wanted to make a scene to try and get a discount. Her story was changing as she was telling it.”

Me: “What did she say?”

Manager: “Did you call her a b****?”

Me: “Maybe in my mind.”

Manager: “Is that all? I thought far worse words.”

Me: “Haha, well, no, I said nothing like that. She said I called her a b****?”

Manager: “She said your face said it.”

Me: “Not my fault I have resting b**** face.”

Manager: “That’s resting? I’d hate to see if you put any effort into it.”

Me: “A few more weeks working here… we’ll see.”

I loved that manager.

Relate:
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 6
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 5
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 4
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 3
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 2

Self-checkouts were new at this time, and everybody still used cash. It was before tap-to-pay had really caught on.

I was monitoring the self-checkout area; it was my job to sort out problems. This bloke came through the self-checkout with headphones on and a great big army camouflage coat. He had a basket of stuff. No big deal. He seemed to know what he was doing, and nothing beeped and flashed at me to tell me to sort something out, but he was taking a long time to pay, so I went over in his direction to see what he was doing.

It turned out he had a pocket full of small coins — not even silver, but copper stuff — and he was feeding the coin feed from a big handful, coin by coin by coin. It was taking him ages, and he was holding up the line for everyone else. There were only about eight machines, and not all of them were working.

Me: *Firmly and politely* “Sir, that’s enough coins. You’ll clog the machine.”

Customer: “I’m getting rid of my small change. I thought you’d be happy to not have to refill the change drawer.”

Me: “You’re going to have to stop that and use proper money.”

But he ignored me and carried on.

I summoned a manager to summon security — I’m not allowed to do that myself — but by the time, he arrived and I told him what was happening, the bloke in the coat had finished and was casually strolling out of the door with his stuff. I checked the machine, and it looked as though he must have paid the full amount because there were no alarms on it.

I made sure to keep an eye out for him coming back and pulling that stunt again, but I didn’t see him again when I was on self-checkout duty.

I’m a self-checkout attendant. A customer with a toddler has called me over.

Customer: “I left my purse in the car. Can I run and grab it a minute?”

Me: “Sure, just leave your things here. And take your child with you.”

She gives me a look somewhere between confusion and “What idiot would leave a child with a stranger?”

Me: “I wouldn’t have to say it if someone hadn’t tried it.”