Don’t ask why — long story — but I once was buying 100 individually packaged button batteries.

The queues for the manned checkouts went round the store, so I went to the self-checkouts, which were were empty. They were new at the time and people didn’t trust them. These were the kind with weighing pads.

Imagine the “delight” of the sole person on the Customer Service desk, whose duties now included resolving issues with the new-fangled self-checkouts, when we both discovered that the button batteries were too light to register on the weighing pad.

One hundred items. To be scanned individually. And requiring staff confirmation for each one.

I like to think that this incident may have contributed to them disabling the weighing function in that particular supermarket within the week.

Oh, I nearly forgot! Once I had finished and pressed the “Pay Now” button… a total rescan was triggered!

A customer comes to the register looking at his phone.

Me: “Hi. Do you have a [Store] membership?”

He points to his ear and shakes his head.

Me: “Oh, okay.”

I point to the screen asking for a membership. He frowns and shakes his head, waving me off.

Me: “Okay.” *Gives a thumbs-up*

I scan his items without talking because… what’s the point? He is texting the whole time and can’t hear me anyway.

When I’m done scanning, I wave at him and then point at the total. He gives a thumbs-up and pays with his card.

Me: “Okay, here is your receipt. Have a— Oh, dang it!”

I hand him the receipt and smile.

Customer: *Smiles* “Thanks. Have a nice day!”

I must look as stupid as I feel because he bursts out laughing.

Customer: “I’m not deaf. I just f****** hate small talk.”

Me: “Right… Well, enjoy your day!”

I got tricked into thinking a customer was deaf!

I’m at the register line, and a mother and her adult daughter are in front of me unloading a full cart of groceries. It’s the only line open at the moment, so I patiently wait behind them.

Suddenly, a man shows up with one single can of beer and assumes he can cut in line before these ladies. He doesn’t even ask, “Can I go first?” He just declares, “I’m going ahead of you,” and does so with a wink and a very self-centred smirk.

Mother: “I don’t think so, pal. The self-scan is right there. You can use that.”

The man smirks even more, muttering some things and suddenly pretending he doesn’t understand Dutch. He keeps hovering around the mother and daughter. The cashier is too busy scanning their many items to notice anything.

Another employee does notice, and she opens the register next to us. The man’s smirk becomes even wider as he struts to the front of that line, making sure he looks around to look down upon everyone like he’s the king who just got a red carpet rolled out for him.

The second cashier doesn’t give him the satisfaction of even talking to him and makes the transaction as quick and blunt as possible, giving the rest of us patrons an apologetic glance. The man takes his can of beer and even has the gall to bow to us as he leaves the store.

A lady behind me saw the whole exchange and locks eyes with me.

Lady: “Did you see that? I think I found the winner for the ‘stuck-up b*****d of the week’ award.”

I am shopping at a grocery store when I overhear this.

Customer: *To the self-checkout help clerk* “I have never, ever seen anything like this! Can you not wait at all?! Have you no sense?!”

Since I cannot help but overhear — she is screaming in the manner of a banshee — I become very aware of what the problem is: the clerk picked up the customer’s empty basket and put it in the pile of empty baskets.

Clerk: *Meekly* “I need to put the baskets in place.”

Customer: “How dare you stand behind me?! I have no privacy! You could be about to rob me!”

It goes on forever. I do not have this issue, since I put my basket where I’m meant to like someone who knows how to buy food, and I’m quite sure clerks at the corner store do not rob customers.

It’s my turn next, and buying beer means I need to check my age with the clerk, so I say, loudly:

Me: “Don’t worry about her. Anyone who presents their opinion like that is clearly mad and not worth listening to.”

The clerk sighs.

Clerk: “Thanks for the support. Since I converted, this sort of thing has happened a lot.”

I just noticed her headscarf then; I’m not really bothered with what people wear, and it was not a loud one. What the eff is wrong with people?

I went with a friend to help him purchase a new refrigerator. I brought my truck, and he was paying me to bring it back to his house.

We got to the big box store, and he found the one he wanted. The sales associate talked him into applying for their store card and explained that he would get a discount for using the card on his purchase.

My friend was approved, and the associate clearly explained:

Associate: “The store card will be used to make today’s purchase.”

Friend: “I understand.”

Associate: “So, that’s [total].”

My friend pulled out his own credit card to pay.

Associate: “No. The store card will be used to make today’s purchase.”

Friend: “I understand.”

Then, the associate handed him the receipt and went over it. The price of the fridge and the discount were applied, and the total cost had been run through the store card.

Again, my friend tried to hand his own bank card over.

Associate: “No, sir, you are all set.”

Friend: “But how do I pay for it?”

Me: “Dude… you have already paid for it with the store card.”

Friend: “…oh.”

Related:

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 115
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part… *Quiet Sobbing*
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 114
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 113
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 112