Sued To Satisfaction

, , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(I’m next in line at the cash register when a middle-aged woman shoves me out the way.)

Woman: “Last week that dress was only 80€. Now I come back today and it’s 110€.”

Cashier: *to me* “I’m sorry.” *to the woman* “Yes, we had a promotion last week for that brand but it has already ended.”

Woman: “NO! This is false advertising! Give it to me for 80€!”

Cashier: “The promotion has ended. That has nothing to do with false advertising.”

Woman: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR 80€ OR I’LL SUE THE H*** OUT OF YOU!”

Cashier: “I’m just going to call a manager. One second, please.”

(The annoying woman now looks incredibly smug as she apparently — as do I — expects them to cave in. After a minute a manager comes over and the cashier relays the story to him.)

Manager: “I see.” *fumbles around his pockets and hands the woman a piece of paper* “That’s the card of our lawyer. As you threatened to sue us, our employees are, as per policy, no longer allowed to talk to you. For further communications please contact the number on the card. Thank you and have a nice day.”

(The manager walks away and the cashier motions to me to step forward and starts scanning my purchase.)

Cashier: *ignoring the woman* “Do you have a loyalty card?”

Woman: “You can’t be serious. I’d still would’ve bought it!”

Me: *also ignoring her, to cashier* “No, thank you.”

Cashier: “Do you need a bag for 5¢?”

Woman: “Don’t you know how much I buy here?! Sell it to me for 110€ or I’ll take my business elsewhere!”

Me: *grinning uncontrollably, to cashier* “No, but thank you.”

Cashier: “All right. Have a nice day.”

Woman: “WHY IS EVERYONE IGNORING ME?! HELLO? I WANT THAT DRESS NOW!”

Me: “Thank you, I’m having a great day already.”

(Best. Policy. Ever.)

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Kicking Up A Desert Storm

, , , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(A customer comes in. He is a short, stocky man, and very loud, but for the most part personable… until checkout comes up.)

Customer: “So, do you guys have a military discount?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we do not have one.”

Customer: “Well, there should be one! I fought in Desert Storm. I deserve a discount for this!”

Me: “I really am sorry. The only discount we have is…”

(I explain the terms of our discount. The guy rifles through his wallet, and it turns out he has a discount card for our store.)

Me: “All right, that is 10% off!”

(He pays, complaining the whole time, but after I help him bag up his purchase…)

Customer: “So, if you’re not doing anything after work, I have a party I am going to…”

Seriously Checked Out

, , , , , | | Working | May 18, 2018

(I am at the cashier to buy groceries, including a six pack. People under 18 are not allowed to sell alcohol. As the cashier sees the beer, he looks at me.)

Cashier: “I’ll need to call a manager over to ring this up since I can’t.”

(He calls for a manager on the phone, and then stands and stares at me.)

Me: “Um, how about you go ahead and ring the rest of my stuff up while we wait for the manager?”

Cashier: “But I can’t ring up your beer; I have to wait for him.”

Me: “But you could ring the rest of it up in the meantime, and then they could ring up the beer.”

Cashier: “I have to wait.”

Me: “But you don’t need them for the food, and this way you’d already have the rest of it rung up.”

Cashier: *looking very confused* “Why?”

Me: “Because it would save time for you, me, and the people in line behind me.”

(He looked at me suspiciously, then slowly began ringing up my groceries, eyeing me the whole time as though I was trying to pull a scam he didn’t quite understand. The other customers in line just shook their heads.)

I’ve Got A Couple Of Beeping Words I’d Like To Say To You

, , , , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(The customer is trying to pay using PayPass, which means you just tap your credit card to the reader. The machine beeps twice, which means the transaction hasn’t gone through.)

Customer: “It beeped twice; does that mean I was charged twice?”

Me: “No, it means it didn’t go through at all. Try holding the card a bit longer; it will only beep once.”

(The customer taps and takes her card away too fast, and the machine beeps twice.)

Me: “Just hold it there for a second while the machine reads the card, then it will beep once.”

Customer: *taps too fast, machine beeps twice* “It beeped twice! It’s charging me every time it beeps!”

Me: “No, only one long beep means the transaction has been accepted.”

Customer: *holds card to the reader until one beep sounds*

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes! I want to make sure you didn’t charge me six times!”

Prematurely Insulted

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2018

Clerk: *cashing me out, looks me up and down* “Are you over 55?”

Me: “Next year I will be, but this year I’m just insulted!”

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