Caught Red-Handed

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2008

Guest: “I’d like to return this toaster.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, do you have a receipt for the purchase dated within ninety days?”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “Okay, well you can’t return it then. However, if you have an ID you can exchange it for an item of equal or lesser value from the same department.”

Guest: “But I don’t want to exchange it. I want my money.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but if you don’t have a receipt, you can’t return the item.”

Guest: “[Other Store Name] would take it back!”

Another Guest In Line: “Excuse me, I work there and, no we wouldn’t!”

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Whoever Blinks First Loses

, , , | Right | February 11, 2008

(It is Christmas time, and we are all extra wary of credit card fraud, so we are required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)

Me: “The total is $17.88.”

(Customer pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “All right. Do you mind if I see your ID?”

Customer: “What if I do mind?”

Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”

(I folded my arms, and looked at her straight in the eyes.)

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Fun With Hypocrites

, | Right | February 6, 2008

Me: “That’ll be $49.95, thank you, sir.”

(Customer takes out his credit card and his reward benefits card from his wallet and pointedly separates them before handing them over. I take the cards.)

Customer: “No, you can’t touch the cards together like that, it ruins the magnetic strip.”

Me: “Oh it’s okay, the strips on these cards are very durable.”

(I continue on with the transaction.)

Customer: “Are you deaf? I said don’t touch them together!! You’ll ruin my cards!”

Me: “Sir, trust me, you could put a strong magnet on these cards and they wouldn’t be damaged. Touching them together is not going to affect them.”

Customer: “Well, the customer is always right, so don’t touch my cards together, okay?!”

Me: “Okay, okay, geez.”

(I make a big show of keeping the cards separate.)

Customer: “The service here is terrible.”

Me: “Whatever.”

(I hand his cards back, still making a show of keeping them separate. The customer then proceeds to put them back in his wallet, in the same flap, so they are rubbing against each other through a thin piece of material.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “You just put them together in your wallet.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Yeah well…shut up and do your job!”

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The Problem With Blank Checks, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 3, 2008

(I’m standing behind my counter when a man comes up to me with a prepaid phone and airtime card in his hand.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I wanna buy this.”

(I usually make people tell me what they want before I just “hop to.”)

Me: “That’ll be $63.55.”

Customer: *sets check down in front of me* “Just fill that out for me.”

Me: *thinking about writing a check for $20 over for a tip*

Related:
The Problem With Blank Checks

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And The Cases Serve Their Purpose

, , , | Right | January 11, 2008

(Note: this is before Halo 3 has come out. A customer walks into the store and looks at the display cases of Halo 3.)

Customer: “HALO 3 IS OUT! HOW DID I MISS IT?! Do you have any copies left?”

Me: “No. The game does not come out for another month.”

Customer: “Then why do you have the cases out on the floor already?! It’s ridiculous! It serves no purpose but to taunt the customer. I hate when stores do this!”

(Customer turns and complains to his friend for five minutes, then turns back to me.)

Customer: “Is there any way that I can reserve Halo 3?”

Me: “Yes, you can, for $5.”

(Customer buys the reserve.)

Me: *as he is leaving* “And the cases serve their purpose.”

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