, , , | Right | March 11, 2019

(I am on the register, putting a woman’s groceries through.)

Me: “In total, that is [above £100].”

Woman: “Oh, I don’t have that much in cash.”

Me: “Card, then?”

Woman: “No, I don’t trust those card thingies.”

Me: “There’s a cash machine just outside. I can hold your things for you.”

Woman: “No, no. That won’t do.”

Me: “I can suspend the transaction until you can get the money.”

Woman: “No.”

(She then stands looking from me to her watch to the entrance for about five minutes. I try to come up with other solutions for her, but she refuses each one. After enough time, my register logs me out. I start signing back in.)

Woman: “I told you I didn’t want to suspend it!”

Me: “I’m just logging back in. We’ve done nothing for so long that it has kicked me out.”

(She blushes and continues her bizarre ritual. Everyone is confused now, from the other customers and cashiers, to the duty manager on the kiosk. Finally, when she looks to the entrance she jumps and claps her hands together. I look, as well, and see a man, out of breath and red-faced, running up to us.)

Man: “I’ll… pay for that… for you!”

(The woman looked at him like he was a guardian angel. He put his card to the reader, but as the price was over £30, it denies the wireless payment. When he put his card in the reader, the woman whispered something to him and he put the PIN in. Once everything was paid, the man put all the bags into the trolley and the woman literally JUMPED ON HIS BACK and he gave her a piggyback ride while pushing the trolley. He was still out of breath. It’s safe to say everyone was clueless as to what was happening.)

Fraud Is Mighty When In Blighty

, , , , | Legal Right | March 8, 2019

(I am from the USA, visiting the UK. Every single place I visit asks to see my ID since I don’t have a signature on the back of my credit card.)

Employee: “May I please see your ID?”

Me: “It’s amazing! Everywhere I’ve been in the UK, they’ve checked my ID!”

Employee: “Well, it’s law. We have to check to see if your signature matches.”

Me: “It’s law in America, too, but that doesn’t stop every single place I’ve worked from allowing people to check out after saying they were using their boyfriend’s/mom’s/whoever’s card!”

Employee: “That’s credit card fraud!”

Me: “To an American business, that’s a sale!”

The Penny Dropped When They Got Home

, , , , | Right | March 7, 2019

(I’m at a grocery store with my brother. We’re only getting some ice so we’re paying with cash. I’m the stupid customer here.)

Me: *hands money to cashier*

Cashier: *gives a dollar back in change, though we should have gotten some coins back, as well*

Brother: *looks questioningly at me*

Me: *whispering* “Let’s just go.” *I didn’t want to make a fuss out of less than a dollar*

(A few minutes later I tell my mom what happened.)

Mom: “There’s a machine the coins drop out of. You were supposed to take them yourself instead of the cashier handing them to you.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I felt very stupid and a little ashamed for thinking the cashier was trying to take our money.)

Spent More Time On The Bar Than The Barcode

, , , , , | Right | March 7, 2019

(I often find myself put on the self-service and scan-as-you-shop department on my own, which is incredibly frustrating in itself. When dumb people come through it only enhances my frustration. A drunk woman comes through the self-service area with a four-pack of cider.)

Customer: “Can you help me, love? I’ve never used these.” *a lie I hear on a regular basis from people who’re too drunk to remember I’ve helped them before with self-service*

Me: “With the barcode, scan the item in front of the glass and put it on the scales in the bagging area.”

Customer: “Do what?”

Me: “Scan the item with its barcode in front on the glass and put it on the scales.”

Customer: “Scan it where?”

Me: “In front of the glass.”

Customer: “Then what?”

Me: “Put it on the scales.”

Customer: “How do I scan it?”

Me: *getting more frustrated* “With the barcode.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “In front of the glass panel.”

Customer: “Where’s the barcode?”

(Totally pissed, I speak in an angry tone and poke her cans of cider hard with my finger at the barcode.)

Me: “It’s there!”

Customer: *looks at me like I’ve just kicked her mother* “All right. I’m not thick.”

Me: “Could’ve fooled me.”

Remove Card Like You Removed Your Brain

, , , , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(This happens several times a shift. A customer inserts their debit or credit card into the machine, and the machine starts beeping. The screen says, “Please remove card.” The customer stares blankly at the machine for several seconds then looks at me. Finally…)

Customer: “It says to remove card; what do I do?”

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