Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

, , | Right | June 18, 2008

(I am working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. Keep in mind that they look like something straight out of the Beverly Hillbillies. They purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

(His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!”

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Ah, Fathers

, , | Right | June 15, 2008

(I am a cashier and father and young son are in line.)

Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”

Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”

Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”

Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

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5 Minutes And 9 Months

, , | Right | June 1, 2008

(The couple walked up to my line and the guy put his stuff on the belt first. Then, the girl put up a divider and her stuff.)

Guy: “Sweetie, let me pay for your stuff.”

Girl: “FINE!” *storms off*

Me: *thinking to self* “What the f*** is going on?”

(I looked at what she was purchasing and realized that the only thing was a home pregnancy test.)

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All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash

, , | Right | May 23, 2008

(I am one of the quickest and most efficient cashiers at my store, and often receive positive comments about this from the customers.)

Wife: “My, you’re just whizzing along! I can’t believe how fast you are!”

Husband: “Didn’t you know? That’s the store’s new policy. They only hire fast women.”

Me: *chuckles good-naturedly*

Wife: “Don’t mind my husband. We only let him out on weekends.”

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Time For A Tenth Circle Of H*ll

, , , | Right | April 18, 2008

(I was working checkout, in the express lane (15 items or less). A lady with a very full trolley comes up.)

Lady: “Hi! Is this an express lane?”

Me: “Yep. You might want to go through another–”

Lady: *starts unloading stuff* “Good. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “?!”

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