How About A Coupon For A Free Psych Evaluation

, , , | | Right | July 9, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, with this order, you received a free coupon for [Brand] Cosmetics.”

Customer: “What, do you think I need it?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “That’s very rude, telling someone they need makeup!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not suggesting you need makeup. I’m just offering it to you because the computer printed it out.”

Customer: “Oh, what, now the computer thinks I need makeup?”

Me: “No, ma’am… it prints out coupons for random items.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t need it any coupons from you, so there!” *storms off*

Me: *rubbing my temples* “Have a good day, ma’am.”

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Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood

, , , | | Right | June 20, 2008

(A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.)

Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.”

Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.”

Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.”

Tourist: “Puerto Rican?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Tourist: “Cuban?”

Me: “No.”

Tourist: “What are you, then?”

Me: “I’m Native American.”

Tourist: “So am I.” (She’s white as notebook paper.)

Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.”

Tourist: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?”

Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.”

Me: “Just take your change.”

 

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Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

, , | | Right | June 18, 2008

(I am working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. Keep in mind that they look like something straight out of the Beverly Hillbillies. They purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

(His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!”

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Ah, Fathers

, , | | Right | June 15, 2008

(I am a cashier and father and young son are in line.)

Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”

Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”

Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”

Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

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5 Minutes And 9 Months

, , | | Right | June 1, 2008

(The couple walked up to my line and the guy put his stuff on the belt first. Then, the girl put up a divider and her stuff.)

Guy: “Sweetie, let me pay for your stuff.”

Girl: “FINE!” *storms off*

Me: *thinking to self* “What the f*** is going on?”

(I looked at what she was purchasing and realized that the only thing was a home pregnancy test.)

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