From my years of working in retail, this will always be my most memorable encounter. I work in a big box store in the electronics department. A customer is purchasing a high-end gaming laptop.

Customer: “I can finally play me some Call Of Duty! Yeah, baby!”

Me: “This system should be more than enough to handle that! How will you be paying today, sir?”

Customer: “Cash, baby! After my grandpappy died, he left me the money tin under his bed. It was full of cash!”

Me: “Oh… well, sorry for your loss.”

The customer hands over the cash, and my eyes go wide.

Customer: “I know! Bet you haven’t seen that much cash in one go before, huh?!”

Me: “Do you… uh… Do you mind if I call my manager over? To verify?”

Customer: “Why? I checked; it’s real money!”

Me: “Oh, I don’t doubt that at all, sir. That’s why I would like to call my manager over.”

Customer: *Getting agitated* “Hurry, then! I need to get home to play my new games!” 

I call my manager over and show him my issue. He understands straight away.

Manager: “Sir, where did you get this money?” 

Customer: “From my grandpappy. He died and left me the money box from under his bed.”

Manager: “And how long was this… box… under the bed?”

Customer: “I dunno, forever. Why?”

Manager: “It’s just… You’re presenting us with a $1,000 bill, and those are rare.”

Customer: “Still legal tender, ain’t it?”

My manager looks at me, and I shrug. I don’t actually know! We both end up Googling it and shockingly, while no longer issued, any discontinued large-denomination bills still in circulation are still legal tender, up to the $10,000 bill! 

Manager: “It appears that it is legal tender, but sir, this is a rare collectible item. It’s likely worth far more than what’s printed on it.”

Customer: “It’s real and it’s legal! I want to use it to buy my gaming laptop!” 

Manager: “Sir, you misunderstand. I’m not saying it’s not worth the $1,000; I’m saying it’s likely worth more.”

Customer: *Still not getting it* “You trying to short me? I know it’s old and s***, but it’s still legal tender! I looked it up! It’s a thousand, so you gotta take a thousand!”

My manager calls the store manager over, who just so happens to be a coin collector (and another reason why this story is so memorable to me so many years later). The store manager checks the bill and gets excited; according to his expert analysis, it is real.

While the customer is shouting, I find a website selling vintage real discontinued money as collectible items, and I show it to my manager and store manager. 

Store Manager: “Sir, it looks like you could get $4,000 for this bill.”

Customer: “I don’t want money. I want my gaming laptop! Take my money!” 

Store Manager: “Sir, I—”

Customer: “Take my money! You just discriminatin’ now!”

Store Manager: “Sir, I will happily take your money and sell you this laptop, but I just wanted to make it absolutely clear to you that you could sell this bill for a lot more than the thousand it’s worth in this transaction right now. Do you understand?” 

Customer: *Seething now* “Do you understand that if you don’t sell me my laptop right now, I’m gonna stop askin’ so nicely?!”

Store Manager: *To the manager and me* “Process the payment, [My Name], and sell the good man his laptop.”

I do as I’m told, and the customer walks away with his laptop smug and happy.

Me: *To my managers, holding the $1,000 bill* “What do we do with this? I obviously don’t have a drawer for it.” 

Store Manager: “Do you want to swap it for $1,000 in bills that are in circulation and take it home with you?”

Me: “You seriously think I could get $4,000 for it?”

Store Manager: “I actually think I know someone who would be willing to buy it for that much.”

Me: “But it belongs to the store… You’d give it to me?”

Store Manager: “The customer spent a thousand in cash. As long as the store gets a thousand in cash, who am I to know what denominations those bills came in?”

My cash drawer was due to be cleared in a couple of hours. The store manager said that if I wanted it, I would have that long to replace it with smaller bills.

I took the plunge, and on my lunch break, I took out $1,000 in ten $100 bills from my account (thanks, student loans!) and replaced my cash drawer (with my manager witnessing for protection). 

The next day, my store manager introduced me to his collector friend, who excitedly offered me $4,000 for it!

I hope that customer is happy playing his “Call Of Duty”.

I walk into a tiny convenience store. It has only one self-checkout machine, and I almost laugh at what I see as I pass it.

Hanging above the machine, from the ceiling, is a huge sign saying: “NO CASH! THIS MACHINE DOES NOT ACCEPT CASH!” There is a slightly smaller version of the same sign stuck to the top of the screen in a laminated sheet. There are also more signs saying the same thing next to the scales, on the wall behind the machine, next to the card machine, and somehow even in front of the “impulse purchase” section where customers can grab last-minute candies or gum. (The decision to put a sign there must be costing them a few sales.)

The cashier notices me reading all the signs.

Cashier: “Trust me, they’re necessary.”

Me: “I’ve worked retail; I believe you.”

He smiles at me and shows me that he is writing up yet another sign right that moment at the counter! We share a laugh, and I go to pick up my few items.

As I am returning to the checkout, I hear a woman arguing with the cashier.

Customer: “What do you mean, no cash?!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we’ve been through this. No cash at self-checkout. There are literally signs all over it saying the same thing.”

Customer: “This is so inconvenient! How am I supposed to know those signs are for me?!”

Cashier: “What’s your name?”

Customer: “Carol.”

The cashier finishes making the sign he was working on as I was walking in.

Sign: “NO CASH, CAROL! THIS MACHINE DOES NOT ACCEPT CASH, CAROL!”

He places the sign literally on the screen, covering an almost comically large part of it, and points at it.

Customer: *F*** you!” *Storms out*

I approach the self-checkout.

Me: “Does this thing do cashback?”

Cashier: “Noooooo.”

Related:
Cash Back Attack, Part 18
Cash Back Attack, Part 17
Cash Back Attack, Part 16
Cash Back Attack, Part 15
Cash Back Attack, Part 14

I have this customer who is always miserable and will find fault in the customer service no matter what you do. This came to its ridiculous peak when I finished a transaction and said:

Me: “Thanks, and have a nice day!”

Customer: *Scowling* “Don’t you tell me to have a nice day! Not everyone is capable of just having a nice day if they feel like it!”

From that point onward, I just gave up. I will just do as I do, and I’ll accept that they’ll never be happy.

A few days later, I had just finished serving them again.

Me: “Have a good one!”

Customer: *Snaps back* “A good one of what?”

Me: “A good one of whatever you’d like! Next customer, please!”

I’m a self-checkout attendant in a grocery store. A customer needs an ID check for a $20 bottle of gin, and we make small talk as I do the check.

Customer: “I know I shouldn’t be spending this much; my wife is going to be mad…”

Me: “If cost is an issue, there’s a mini-bar display right behind you. Every bottle is only one dollar, so it’s a lot easier to fit into a budget.”

He turns around and just about lights up upon seeing the display: a rolling cart with about twelve different bins for different kinds of tiny bottles of alcohol, plus tiny cardboard carriers in case a customer wants to make their own $6 six-pack.

Customer: “That’s amazing! How long has that been there?”

Me: “A few months now. They put it up in an attempt to entice the college crowd but, well, half of them can’t drink.”

He didn’t buy any mini-bottles, but he swore that he would next time. I’m not sure if I saved his finances or enabled an alcoholic.

This story reminded me of my first Christmas season at my old grocery store. We closed early on Christmas Eve (6:00 pm instead of 11:00 pm), and a guy came through my line about fifteen minutes before we closed. I did my standard greeting.

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: *Snappy* “No! You’re out of eggnog! How can you be out of eggnog on Christmas Eve?!”

Because IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE, dude. Everyone else in the greater Portland metro area has been buying eggnog in bulk for the last few days.

Related:
Say That Again, But Slower