Humanity Has Signed Off

, , , | Right | February 16, 2020

(I’ve just been informed that the system we use for having visitors sign in and out is down over the entire country. Fantastic. So, I turn the sign-in computer around so it’s facing me instead of any visitors and I put a large, brightly-colored sign on it that says, “System is down. Please use the paper to your left to sign in and out. Thank you!”)

Visitor #1: *goes right to turning the sign-in computer around*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that computer is down right now. Can you sign in on the paper, please?”

Visitor #1: “Oh!” *looks surprised* “Okay…”

Me: *inner facepalm*

Visitor #2: *stares at the sign* “Oh… Can I not use this, then? How do I sign in?”

Me: *indicates the paper and pen right in front of her*

Visitor #2: “Ugh, that’s too complicated.” *proceeds to take five minutes to write her name, the time, and who she’s visiting*

Visitor #3: *reads the sign and proceeds to sign in with the pen and paper* “Well, isn’t this quaint!”

Me: *smiles* “Thanks.”

Visitor #3: “It wasn’t a compliment.” *stomps off*

Me: *faith in humanity gone… again*

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Ministry Of Magic Retirement Homes

, , , | Right | February 8, 2020

(I work at an assisted living facility. A resident comes shuffling up to my desk and stands there looking expectantly at me.)

Me: “Good morning, [Resident]. [Coworker] has already taken the papers for delivery.”

Resident: “Well, where is she?”

Me: “She’s probably still on the first floor.”

Resident: “Why didn’t she give me my paper?”

Me: “I guess she didn’t see you. Did you see her?”

Resident: “No. I was just upstairs. Why didn’t she drop the paper at my door?”

Me: “I don’t think she’s been up to the second floor yet.”

Resident: “Well, why don’t you know? You should know where she is!”

Me: “I’m sorry? I don’t have any way of knowing where she’s gone. She’s usually very quick at it, though, so you should have your paper soon.”

Resident: “I don’t understand why the h*** she doesn’t leave the paper at the desk.”

Me: “Because you asked for it to be delivered to your room.”

Resident: “No, I wanted it left here. I told you idiots to leave the d*** thing here.”

Me: *knowing full well he didn’t* “Okay, [Resident]. Would you like it left here instead of delivered, then?”

Resident: “Yes! D***, you’re all idiots! Now, where’s my paper today?”

Me: *vein-pop* “[Coworker] is delivering it.”

Resident: “I just told you to leave it at the desk!”

Me: “That’s… that’s not how that works. She already has it for today.”

Resident: *incoherent yelling as he stomps off*

(I guess I’m supposed to be omniscient, know where my coworkers are at all times, be able to magically apparate his paper back to the desk, and also be psychic to know what everyone wants. Also, this lovely man… if we leave his paper at the desk, that day he wants it delivered. If we deliver it, he wants it left at the desk. And every time, I’m an idiot for not knowing he’s changed his mind yet again.)

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We Need To Quarantine Up All The Stupid

, , , , | Healthy | February 7, 2020

(I work at the front desk of an assisted living community and at this time, a nasty norovirus is making its rounds of our residents and staff. We’ve been on a “visitor restriction” and quarantine for the past week, meaning unless your visit is mandatory for the continued well-being of the resident, you don’t come in. We’ve emailed all of the family, friends, and health care companies about the restrictions, asking them to call if they’re thinking about a visit, and I’ve posted a sign on the front door, with bold, black lettering highlighted in florescent orange, right at an average eye-level height.)

Visitor #1: *walks in, oblivious to the sign* “Hello!”

Me: “Hello! Before you sign in, I have to let you know we’re under quarantine at the moment, so all visitors are restricted.”

Visitor #1: “Oh? What’s going on?”

Me: “Well, like the sign on the door says…” *goes on to explain and they leave*

Visitor #2: *waltzes in, ignoring the sign* “Good morning!”

Me: “Good morning! Just so you know…” *explains quarantine again*

Visitor #2: “Huh! You should really post a sign or something!”

Me: *glances between her and the sign* “Yeah…”

Visitor #3: “What do you mean, you’re still under quarantine?! I drove [amount of miles] to visit [Resident]! I’m her daughter!”

Me: “We called, emailed, and posted signs asking visitors to call before they come. I see you’re on the list that we called. Is [number/email] your correct phone number and email?”

Visitor #3: “Well, I got the call, but I didn’t think it applied to me!”

(I will never, in my years of working with the general public, understand why people are so g**d*** stupid.)

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Unfiltered Story #186472

, , | Unfiltered | February 6, 2020

I handle billing for a retirement home. Some of our residents are feeling their years more than others, and have a hard time understanding their bills.
One resident thought that she had overpaid, and brought her daughter with her to get an explanation from me. I explain, and the daughter understands, while her mother still does not.

Resident: “But I thought I would get money back.”

Daughter: “Momma, all he can give you is a nice smile and a ‘thank you'”

Me: (Smiling broadly) “Thank you!”

Someone Is Getting Very Agitated With The Salad Dressing

, , , , | Working | February 4, 2020

(I work at an assisted living facility. I’m sitting at my desk, typing up the next day’s menu as I talk to a coworker.)

Me: “Why do I always have to put ‘with dressing’ when we have a salad? Are we forcing residents to have dressing or no salad for you?”

Coworker: “Well, what else would you put on it?”

Me: “The blood of my enemies.”

Coworker: “I thought you were vegetarian?”

Me: “I’d make an exception.”

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