Shout Until You’re Bleu In The Face

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2010

(I work in the dining room at a retirement home. I’m offering an elderly woman soup.)

Me: “Hi there, [Woman]! Would you like some soup tonight?”

Elderly Woman: “What?”

Me: *raising my voice* “Would you like some SOUP?”

Elderly Woman: “WHAT?”

Me: *I put mouth right by her ear and basically yell at her* “DO YOU WANT SOUP?”

Elderly Woman: “Why are you speaking French?”

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Just Quit While You’re Ahead, Part 2

, , | Right | July 31, 2008

Me: “Hi, I haven’t seen you in a while! How are you?”

Elderly Resident: “Good. You’re getting chubby.”

Me: “Really? I’ve been working out every day for about a month now.”

Elderly Resident: “Oh… maybe your boobs are just getting smaller.”

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The 8th Sign Of The Apocalypse

| Right | March 27, 2008

Grumpy Old Man: “There’s too much salt in the shakers.”

Me: “…”

G.O.M.: *picks up shaker to demonstrate*

Me: “I’m…sorry?”

G.O.M.: “THERE’S NO SHAKE ROOM!”

Me: “I’ll get right on that.”

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