I’m sitting at the front desk of the assisted living facility where I work, going through my opening tasks, when a coworker comes around the corner to talk to my boss near my desk.

Boss: “Hey, [Coworker], you doing all right today?”

Coworker: “Not really. My stomach is upset and I feel awful, honestly. I was going to ask—”

Boss: “Oookay!” *Backs up* “Go home! Get out! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!”

The boss makes shooing motions and then an X with her fingers. [Coworker] puts their hands up and laughs.

Coworker: “Thank you. I’m going! I’m going!”

The boss runs and hides in her office as my coworker starts toward my desk.

Me: “NO! Unclean! Go awaaaay!”

I hide under my desk.

Coworker: “Nice to know I’m loved! Bye, [My Name]!”

Me: *From under the desk* “Bye! Feel better!”

We’ve been dealing with a norovirus here for twelve days and counting now and we’ve pretty much all had it, me included. We’re all a little punchy and sick of it.

I work in an assisted living facility. The phone starts ringing and, looking at the caller ID, I see the name of a home care agency whose worker I’ve just had to deny access to. Sighing and preparing for a fight, I pick up and answer.

Me: “[Business], this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] from [Home Health Agency]. We just sent over an aide and she told us she was denied access. I just want to apologize for that.”

Me: “Oh…”

Caller: “We had her marked in our system as credentialed when she isn’t yet, so that’s our fault. We’re working on sending someone else out as we speak.”

Me: “I… Wow, okay, great! Thank you for being understanding! Usually, I get yelled at when I have to deny someone.”

Caller: “Oh, it’s no problem. It was our bad.”

We went on to talk more about her new aide coming out, etc. But I’m still floored that she was actually understanding about me having to deny her worker access to the building. I just… that doesn’t happen. It was a very nice change!

I am an aide for the elderly. I’ve been sick for a few days and since all of my clients are high-risk — as am I because of asthma — I decide to call in sick for a week, just to make sure it isn’t anything serious.

One of my clients has managed to get my personal number and gives me a call.

Client: “[My Name]? Hello!”

Me: “Hello, Miss [Client], how are you?”

Client: “I’m fine. Listen, I was just talking to my son and he is worried about all this nonsense. He wants to cancel your appointments for the month.”

Me: “Oh, that’s actually a great idea! You’re very high-risk because you’re in your nineties and on oxygen. I’m glad you listened to him. Plus, I’m sick, too, so I was really worried about infecting you if this is more serious. “

Client: “You know I don’t care. If I get this disease, then it’s a good day.”

I’m used to her talking like this.

Me: “No, no, no, you don’t want to die from this; it’s pretty bad. You want to go peacefully in bed, remember?”

Client: “Right, right. So, I won’t see you during this month. But you can stop by anytime if you’re in the neighborhood!”

I’m trying not to laugh.

Me: “Miss [Client], I can’t. The whole purpose is to keep you safe.”

She is one of my favorite clients. She’s one of those tough cookies but has a good heart. I’m sure she’s going to be super lonely this month but I told her to call me anytime she wanted to! Also, for those curious, I am feeling a little better but still coughing and having trouble breathing. Yay, asthma.

(I’m talking with a coworker about a restaurant she went to with her family last night.)

Coworker: “It was really good. They had lamb.”

Me: “Eww! Poor little lamb!”

Coworker: “Well, it’s not like it was a baby one or anything!”

Me: *blinks* “But a lamb is a baby, [Coworker]. A baby sheep.”

Coworker: “What? No, I’m sure it was a full-grown lamb. They wouldn’t eat a baby one.”

Me: “All lambs are baby sheep, [Coworker]. If it’s a full-grown one, it’s a sheep. Lambs are, by definition, sheep who are under a year old.”

Coworker: “Well… I didn’t eat any.” *nervous laugh*

Me: “It’s okay if you did, [Coworker]. Just because I don’t eat meat, it doesn’t mean you can’t.”

Coworker: “I’m sure lambs aren’t babies, though. They wouldn’t eat a baby.” *walks off muttering about eating babies*

(We both grew up in the same general area, an area that is known for farming and lots of farm animals. I kind of thought everyone knew that a lamb was a baby sheep, though, especially people around our area, where there are sheep and lambs like every mile.)

(I started working as a personal assistant to the elderly in August. Since then, I have begun receiving calls for final expenses. I have no clue how they got my number, but whatever. Usually, I just hang up, but this time I want to try and get on the do-not-call list and press a number to speak with a rep.)

Rep: “Hello, thank you for holding. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hey there. This phone belongs to a 35-year-old. I do not need final expenses. Can you please remove my number from your database?”

Rep: “Oh, I see.”

Me: “…”

Rep: “…”

Me: “So, can you please remove my number?”

Rep: “Are you sure you’re 35?”

Me: *confused pause* “Am I sure I’m 35?”

Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I am. Stop calling.”