Unfiltered Story #116456

, , | Unfiltered | July 12, 2018

(I’m in the middle of the high street arresting someone who was caught trying to steal a bunch of dvds. As Im about to put him in the car I hear a man comment)

Man: See *child*? thats what happens if you arent a good girl

Girl: (shouts) You shouldnt have been a naughty boy

(The man goes bright red and doesnt look up til I get him into the station)

The Mother Of All Cheap Customers

, , , , , , | Right | March 11, 2018

(It is Mother’s Day. We have had lots of deliveries of £1 bunches of daffodils. A lot of them are dated today, so to clear them, we have reduced them down to 40p per bunch and put them on the checkouts for customers to see. We have also been told to offer them to all customers. A young man comes up to my till with a nice bouquet of flowers costing £6.)

Me: “Your mum will love these. Would you like a bunch of daffodils to give to her as well?”

Customer: “They’re only 40p?”

Me: “Indeed. A little extra present for Mum?”

Customer: “Actually, I’ll leave these [the £6 bouquet] and buy a bunch of these [the 40p daffodils], instead! Thanks!”

(He pays his 40p and walks off. I realise that instead of getting an extra 40p from him, I’ve lost £5.60 from the sale! As I mull over this…)

Next Customer: “I feel sorry for his mum!”

Hard-Pressed To Complain About The Press

, , , , | Right | February 2, 2018

(The front page of one of today’s national newspapers shows a young Princess Elizabeth, who of course is now our Queen, apparently being shown a Nazi salute in 1933 by her uncle, the future Edward VIII. A customer is at my till buying the paper.)

Me: “Ooh, that’s going to be a bit of a scandal.”

Customer: *laughs* “I just bumped into a friend of mine outside who works for the local paper. She said a woman rang them up to complain about the press coverage of this story.”

Me: “But this is a national paper.”

Customer: “My friend asked if she had a local angle to the story, but apparently this woman thought that you could just call your newspaper if you wanted to complain about ‘the press,’ and wanted them to pass on her complaints to the [National Paper].”

Me: “Let me guess. She huffed and puffed when she found out the local paper had no say on it?”

Customer: “Yep! She shouted she was never going to buy [Local Paper] ever again unless they printed an apology to the Queen on the front page, and then she hung up!”

Me: *laughing* “There’s always one, isn’t there? Here’s your change.”

No Christmas Cards For You For 100 Years!

, , , , , , | Working | December 22, 2017

(We are having a training evening. As Christmas is approaching, there is naturally a lot of talk about it. For a bit of fun, one colleague has set a quiz: half the questions are about work and the other half about Christmas.)

Quizmaster: “And question ten: in the 1840s, which decade was… oh, d***, I’ve just given you the answer! Sorry!

(Everyone has a good laugh. The question was “In what decade was the first Christmas card sent?”)

Quizmaster: “At least everyone will get one point!”

(Later, when the answers are being read out:)

Quizmaster: “And question ten: if you get this wrong, you’re an idiot!” *everyone laughs* “In the 1940s…” *realises what he’s said, as does everyone else!* “…no, the 1840s! No points for me!”

A Model Piece Of Motivation

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2017

(A model and actress has designed a line of clothing for our store and, as such, there are posters of her around the store, including one very big one of her in her underwear near the lingerie aisle. I’m in the food hall, nowhere near this poster, when an older man approaches me.)

Customer: *with a slightly creepy smile* “Hello.”

Me: “Hello.” *pause* “Can I help you at all?”

Customer: “Yes. You have a big poster of a lady over in your clothing section. I’d like to buy it.”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure if that’s possible. I can check?”

Customer: “Please.”

(I call the manager and explain the situation. She comes down and deals with the customer while I resume my job. Afterwards, the man walks off, and the manager heads to the lift area where she bursts out laughing.)

Me: “So, what did you say?”

Manager: “He offered me £20 for it. I said it would be up for a couple of months and he gave me his number and told me to text him so he could come in.”

Me: “What did he want it for, or do I not want to know?”

Manager: “He runs a gym, and wanted to put it on the wall to ‘motivate’ his clients…”

(The funniest thing? Another man came in later the same day, also wanting to buy the poster! He was told it had already been “sold”…)

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