How To Make Me Blue

, | NY, USA | Crazy Requests

(I design and create jewelry for my own business. I often take custom requests.)

Customer: “I like that piece you made, but I’d really like it in blue.”

Me: “Okay, here are the blue beads you can choose from.”

Customer: “Well, I want a blue, but not too blue. Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “These are what I have available. If you would like me to place a special order for a different shade of blue, I’d be happy to.”

(Customer looks over the options and chooses the same darn shade I offered her. I finish the piece and send her photos.)

Customer: “Wow, that’s really… blue.”

Me: “Indeed. Those are the beads you selected.”

Customer: “Hmm. Can you make it in red?”

(Cut to me, crying and drinking in the corner.)

Armless Is Harmless

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I work as a freelance airbrush face painter. I’m at an event when two small children and their mother come up. The mother’s attention is elsewhere while I talk to her kids.)

Me: “Hey there! What design would you like?”

Girl: *pointing out which design* “…and can I have it on my arm?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I put the design on her arm, and her brother comes up next, wanting his design on his arm as well. I hear this exchange as they leave.)

Mother: “Both of you got designs on your arms instead of your faces? Man, I got some boring-a** kids.”

He Could Also Do With Less Hot Air

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am working as a balloon artist and have a very long line. The balloons I ordered for this event weren’t in on time, so I have to buy some balloons of poor-quality at a craft store. Due to the heat of the day, the balloons are popping frequently, and I am getting super frustrated.)

Me: *to the next kid in line, who already has at least three balloons* “And what would you like?”

Kid: “A blue sword!”

Me: “All right!”

(Being one of my quicker patterns, I quickly pump it up and make it. When I give it the final twist, it pops.)

Me: “Oh, shoot, sorry about that!”

(I pump up another balloon, which again pops. At this point the kid’s dad has come over.)

Kid’s Dad: “You’re putting too much air in the balloon.”

Me: *trying to smile* “Oh, it’s not that. I’ve recently switched balloon brands, and these don’t like the sun as much.”

(The third balloon again pops, which rarely happens.)

Me: “Shoot, sorry about that! Third time’s the charm, right?”

Kid’s Dad: “No, seriously. You’ve got to put less air in it, otherwise it will pop.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(Having done balloons since I was 10, and having made hundreds of swords, I of course already know this. I make the balloon, with just as much air as usual, and it doesn’t pop.)

Me: “There you are!”

(The kid grabs it without saying thanks.)

Kid’s Dad: “See? I told you.”

(The dad walked away, also without saying thanks.)

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