Client: “The Vice President did a three-hour speech that needs to be cut down to thirty minutes, and I need a VHS on my desk in half an hour.”

Me: “I can’t possibly make that deadline. Also, are you sure you don’t want a DVD?”

Client: “You are so negative! Why can’t you do it?”

Me: “I can’t cut down a three-hour speech in half an hour. Even if I could, it would take me more than thirty minutes to make the VHS and spot-check it. It can’t be done.”

Client: “You always have an excuse. I need that VHS now.”

I finished the VHS in four hours. It sat on the client’s desk for a week before I received this email:

Client: “Received your VHS — late! Why is this on tape instead of DVD?”

I have just started working at a big box retail and grocery store. A woman and her young son come in. I’m useless with children’s ages, but he can’t be older than ten. As soon as he sees me, his eyes go wide and he rushes up to me.

Boy: “Oh! You’re new! Can I draw you?”

Me: “Uh…”

Mother: *Catching up to her son* “Sorry. My son is autistic, and he’s usually useless with faces, but for some reason, he has a photographic memory of everyone who works here. He hasn’t seen you before, so—”

Me: “Yeah, I’m new.”

Mother: “Haha, yeah. I figured, based on his reaction.”

Boy: “Can I draw you?”

Me: “Draw me?”

Mother: “He likes to draw people. We’ve recently got around to explaining to him that it’s polite to ask permission first and that if they say no, he has to accept their decision.”

Me: “I mean… I guess? I need to work, though, so I can’t like, pose or anything.”

Mother: “Oh! No need. He’s seen you now; he can draw you from memory.”

Me: “For real?”

Mother: *Laughs* “Yes, for real!”

Me: “Well, then… sure!”

The boy smiles, and they both go on their way. I go back about my work, and I almost forget the interaction entirely until I notice something on the wall in the employee break room I haven’t noticed before.

A cork pinboard is full — and I mean FULL — of pencil-drawn portraits of dozens of employees of the store. They are amazing likenesses of my coworkers, at least the ones I recognize, and while I don’t think they’d fetch much in a gallery, they still indicate a very strong artistic talent.

My manager notices me staring at the wall.

Manager: “Ah, yes, these were all drawn by Victor.”

Me: “Is he an autistic boy, maybe ten or so? Comes in with his mother?”

Manager: “You’ve met him?”

Me: “He asked if he could draw me this morning.”

Manager: “Did you say yes?”

Me: “I did!”

Manager: “And on your first day on the floor! That’s amazing. You can look forward to tomorrow, then.”

Me: “Tomorrow?”

Manager: “You’ll see.”

Tomorrow comes, and the little boy and his mom are back. He rushes up to me and hands me an envelope. Inside are two pencil drawings of me! At first, I think one is just a scanned copy of the original, but then I realize that they’re BOTH original drawings.

Me: “Oh, wow! These are amazing!”

Boy: “Thank you. Have a nice day!”

And with that, off they went like it was the most normal interaction in the world! I showed my manager, who explained that I was free to do with them as I pleased, but most staff took one home and pinned the other to the board in the break room.

My picture has been gracing that wall now for the last two years, and the collection continues to grow… as does the boy’s talent.

Me: “Hello! Attached you will find two concepts for the book design. Please let us know which one you prefer, and then we will design the rest of the pages.”

Client: “We prefer Concept B, but we aren’t sure we like the color. Can you please make it blue?”

I look at Concept B.

It is blue.

Me: “I’m happy to change the color, but the concept is already designed with blue as the predominant color. Are you looking at the file on your screen or printed out? Sometimes standard office printers can make colors look off.”

Client: “I’m looking at it on my screen, and it is definitely gray and not at all blue.”

Me: “Hmm… that’s strange. Take a look at this file and let me know what you think.”

Clients: “That’s great! Thanks. You can go ahead with the rest of the design.”

I had changed the color by shifting the color code by a single digit. To the untrained eye, both files would appear to be the exact same blue. I still have no idea what happened there.

I’m a freelance illustrator, and I’m also a huge fan of this show about a family who owns a burger restaurant. In this social media group I’m in, people are dying to have themselves drawn in the style of the show. I posted a link to my page and let people know I could do this.

Client: “I’d like my family done in the style. Money is no object.”

Me: “Okay. We can discuss something, and then I can give you a quote.”

He tells me what he wants, and I let him know that it would not only take some time, but it would be labor-intensive, so the price is going to reflect accordingly.

Client: “I have money. As long as it’s on point, I’ll pay a reasonable price.”

Me: “Okay. However, as stated in my terms and conditions, I require payment up front.”

Client: “I’ll pay if it’s on point. Money is no object.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t work for free. I could do an example by drawing a character from the show, and you can decide if you wish to buy my services then.”

Client: “Okay, here’s what I want in the example: [lists everything he asked for in his commision].”

Me: “My example will be a pre-existing character. As stated, I require payment up front.”

Client: “Money is no object! I’ll pay a reasonable price if it’s on point!”

I didn’t return his messages after that.

I have been a designer in the advertising industry for ten years. Never have I met a more entitled client in my entire life. The following conversation reflects a project that I completed months earlier.

Client: “I suddenly changed the contents of this ad, and I need the changes now.”

Me: “I’m in a different country on vacation. I won’t be able to get the changes to you until [date] since this is such short notice.”

Client: “Oh, my God! I’m so disappointed. This is so unprofessional! You should’ve told me you were going on vacation in advance!”

Me: “I can’t predict when my clients will need changes to completed projects, and I do have a life outside of work.”

Client: “I don’t care! I need this now.”

Me: “Do you want me to fly back home right now and get the changes done for you?”

Client: “You’d better.”

Me: *Astonished silence*