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It’s Never Going To Click

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2021

Client: “Hey! This DVD with the commercial doesn’t work!”

Me: “What do you mean it doesn’t work?”

Client: “I put it in the computer and this menu comes up and plays four seconds of music on a loop.”

Me: “Do you see the little icon in the bottom left of the screen that is a freeze-frame of your commercial?”

Client: “Yeah.”

Me: “Click that with your mouse.”

Client: “That seems like a lot of work.”

When You Urgently Need To Invent Time Travel

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2021

This is at the end of a client outline for a highly detailed engineering plan that will contain electrical utilities, security camera lines, fibre optic cables, and the like.

Client: “I don’t need it urgently, by the end of the day should be fine.”

You Can’t Be Friends With Stupid

, , , , , | Right | November 9, 2021

Client: “I thought you said the website was friendly.”

Me: “It is. What issues did you experience?”

Client: “I typed in my password and I got the error. “Access Denied. Wrong Password”.”

Me: “If you would like, I can give you your username and password.”

Client: “A friendly website would’ve given me my password.”

Me: “Did you click on “Forgot my Password”?”

Client: “No, I didn’t forget it.”

An hour later, I got an email from the client telling me he forgot his password. He was wondering if there was a recovery system in place.

Putting The Dead Into Deadline

, , , | Right | November 8, 2021

Client: “I need that brochure today!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your deadline is two weeks from now. I have four other projects due this weekend.”

Client: “But I’m giving you a deadline now.”

Me: “It’s not feasible to meet it, I’m sorry.”

Client: “Fine! I’m taking your paycheque to hire someone else to do it.”

Me: “Well, that’s your right.”

Client: “Do you know anyone who can? Preferably for less than you were.”

Allow Me To Show You The Door

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2021

I used to do architectural visualization. This firm hired me as a freelancer to create multiple illustrations of new condo buildings, including exterior shots, interior shots, floor plans, etc. Lot of work laid out in a well-defined contract, with costs agreed upon. Half the fees needed to be paid upfront, and the other half at the very end (after final approval). Everything went relatively well until the final payment was due:

Client: “I cannot pay you the final amount. You see, in architecture, costs are calculated per door, and with the money that I gave you in the beginning, that more than enough covers for the work.”

Obviously, I had created tens of rendered images of the same building, which they considered to be the same doors, so the same work, thus refusing to pay for the actual amount of work that had been done.

After a bit of back and forth, the client kept acting like a condescending twat and I had to give up most of the amount. Lesson learned.