(Two boys, around the age of four, are shopping with their mother.)
Little Boy #1: “Mom?”
Mother: “Hmm?”
Little Boy #1: “Are we being good?”
Mother: “Yes, you are, boys.”
(She rounds the corner with her shopping cart, so she is briefly out of earshot.)
Little Boy #2: “So did you tell her about the—”
Little Boy #1: “Shut up!”
(They catch up with their mother and are perfectly behaved the rest of the visit.)
(I am in my first full-time job after just graduating. I’m taken advantage of a lot, but I’m new so I just put up with it. My friend and I have been working 18+ hour work days, plus weekends, for the past two weeks to design a book for an important client. My friend is hired for temporary help while I’m their only employee. My boss doesn’t know how to use a computer, so we’re left to do absolutely everything. They also live in the same building as the office so they can just take an elevator to go home while my friend and I have to commute. It’s about 2 am; the bosses have been out of the office for about an hour, possibly eating, taking a shower, or sleeping while we’re working. It’s the day we need to send the file to the printer to get the book done.)
Me: “This is so incredibly unfair.”
Friend: “Yeah, your bosses are unbelievable. You need to find a new job.”
(We finish up the project and the file is being uploaded to the printer’s server at 3:30 am. My bosses are chipper and trap us in a really pointless long conversation while my friend and I just want to sleep. I eventually have to cut the conversation short.)
Me: “Okay, well, [Friend] and I need some sleep. Good night.”
Boss: “Okay, thanks for the hard work. We have to catch up on all of our other projects, so could you come in at 10 am?”
Me: “I guess I’ll manage with five hours of sleep. Sure…”
Friend: *whispers* “Are they serious?”
Me: “FML…”
(My boss comes running once I get to my car.)
Boss: “There’s an error with the upload.”
Me: “Like what? If it timed out, you can just upload it one more time.”
Boss: “Oh, I don’t know how to do that. Can you come back and fix it?”
Me: *sighs* “Yeah, okay.”
(My friend and I fix the error, everything uploads correctly and all that is left is to buy a copy of the book. It’s 5 am. We’re driving home and I’m 10 minutes away from my house when I get a call.)
Friend: “Who is it?”
Me: “F***! It’s my boss…”
Friend: “Don’t answer it.”
Me: “Oh d*** it; I have to.”
(I put it to speaker phone.)
Me: “Hello?”
Boss: “Hi [My Name].”
Me: “Hi. Is something wrong?”
Boss: “Um well, we don’t know how to order the book…”
Me: *dumbfounded* “Have you ever bought anything online?”
Boss: “Yeah.”
Me: “…do the same thing.”
Boss: “But this is so confusing!”
Friend: *whispers* “Are you kidding me?”
Me: “Okay, are you on the page to order the book?”
(I give a step-by-step detailed walkthrough of how to order the book, including telling them that they need to enter their credit card number in the field that says, ‘credit card number.’ I get home and I’m still on the phone.)
Boss: “Okay, everything looks good! Thanks for taking the time to work on this and being flexible. And thank [Friend] too for your guys’ determination and dedication. We really appreciate it and…”
(They go on forever.)
Me: “Yeah, no problem. I need to sleep.”
Boss: “Oh right, well, [Partner] and I decided that we should take the day off tomorrow. You must be pretty exhausted from all the work.”
(My boss laughs. I clench my fist and cut the conversation short.)
Me: “Yeah, thanks. I’ll see you guys Friday. Good night.”
Friend: “Thank god for overtime.”
Me: “I don’t get paid for overtime…”
Did you find this story on our Overtime roundup?
Teacher: “Draw a picture of a spaceship.”
(Ten minutes later, the teacher walks around the classroom. The majority of students have drawn round flying saucers or Star Wars-type spaceships. However, one student has drawn a refrigerator.)
Teacher: “A refrigerator? That’s most certainly not a spaceship!”
Student: “Well, if the TARDIS, which is both a spaceship and time machine, looks like a police box, why can’t a spaceship look like a refrigerator?”
Teacher: *confused*
(This teacher didn’t know about Doctor Who but after this incident she got hooked. Same as some of the other students!)
(I work at a theme park as a caricature artist.)
Customer: “Hey, if I get one of these done can you make me skinny?”
Me: “Well, it’s a caricature, so you can have an exaggerated bikini body or something if you like?”
Customer: “Oh, good! Can you make my teeth look better, too?”
(I can see the customer has a gap in her teeth.)
Me: “Well, if you’re sensitive about something like that you could always give me a closed mouth smile.”
Customer: “And could you make me blonde? And maybe a smaller nose?”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure you’d want a picture if I altered it that much.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Because… it wouldn’t look like you!”
(I’m teaching art lessons to a group of kids ages six to eight. I am trying to convince a girl to paint a shadow on her painting of a puppy.)
Me: “If the puppy is outside on a sunny day, you would see his shadow on the ground. We all have shadows. You have a shadow. I have a shadow. I guess the only way he wouldn’t have a shadow is if the puppy was a vampire.”
Little Girl: *rolls eyes* “Uh, Ms. [my name], if the puppy was a vampire he would have a shadow. He wouldn’t have a reflection.”
(I admit it; I was completely owned by an eight-year-old girl!)
