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I’m Just Gonna Shut Up And Take Your Money

, , | Right | October 31, 2021

This is a few years ago when I didn’t charge what my art is actually worth. I have just finished a commission and only want five bucks for it. The client actually sent over twenty-five bucks. When I go to thank them, this exchange happens:

Me: “Holy moly, that’s really generous! Thank you so much!”

Client: “No problem. I think your art is worth it. But don’t raise your rates to that; I enjoy making people thank me and you wouldn’t do that if I just paid your rate.”

The Hole, Much Like His Brain, Is Too Small

, , , | Right | October 29, 2021

A couple of months ago, a client asked me to put an image on his website that he scanned from an 8″ x 10″ photo. After I added it to the site:

Client: “The picture isn’t the size I sent you!”

Me: “The width of a web page and the images on it will change depending on the size of the device it’s viewed on.”

He didn’t understand, so I told him:

Me: “Pretend the website is a window and a three-inch-wide cell phone is the open hole waiting for the window.”

His solution?

Client: “Then you make the hole bigger!”

Me: “You can’t change the size of a cell phone.”

Client: “You’re the web designer; just make it work!”

Well, I couldn’t make it work, so he hired someone else who couldn’t make it work, either, because his new website was up for a week and now it’s gone. I think he’s searching for a magician, not a web designer!

There Are No Dimensions That Can Contain This Stupid A Request:

, , , | Right | October 28, 2021

Client: “Can we do a website in complete 3D? Maybe users can print out 3D glasses to look at it too!”

No Permission To Forgive

, , | Right | October 27, 2021

I’m a digital content producer and have been working with one of our engineers on designing a print brochure to promote one of our types of insulation.  

Engineer: “I don’t like this photo you chose.”

Me: “Okay, that’s just a placeholder image. Do you have a photo you’d like to use?”

Engineer: “Share your screen and let’s look at Google.”

I do so, thinking he’s going to show me some ideas of what he’s looking for so I can buy a stock image. 

Engineer: “That one, second row, far right. That looks good, let’s go with that.”

Me: “…That’s a copyrighted promotional image for the Home Depot, we can’t use that.”

Engineer: “I don’t think they’ll mind.”

Me: “I still can’t use it as-is and we don’t have time to get permission to use it.”

Engineer: “I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m kind of a “ask forgiveness rather than permission” kind of guy.”

Me: “And I’m kind of a “I’d rather not get sued” kind of girl.”

I didn’t use the image.

They’re Asking You To Move Oceans

, , , | Right | October 25, 2021

A client has two minutes of footage of a crowded beach for a commercial, with more than twenty people walking around, swimming, and sunbathing, with umbrellas, towels and other stuff littering the sand.

Client: “We decided that the beach should be empty, so we need you to delete everything in the scene except the sand and the sea.”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be easier to go there again and shoot it while no one is there?”

Client: “No we need this right now.”