Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

, , , , , , | Right | June 29, 2010

(An old woman comes into the store, looking very distressed.)

Customer: “Have you seen my cat?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “He looks like this.” *holds up a badly drawn picture* “I got my grandson to draw it for me.”

Me: “I don’t think you’ll find your lost cat with that picture.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s a dog.”

Customer: “Oh. But can you put this up in your shop window for me, though? Just give him some pointy ears.”


This story is part of our crazy pet owner roundup!

Read the next crazy pet owner roundup story!

Read the crazy pet owner roundup!

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

, , , , , , | Right | June 28, 2010

(I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

Client: “Well, no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

Me: “To what?”

Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance’s] Funeral.’ And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”


This story is part of the Artists-Versus-Clients roundup!

Read the next Artists-Versus-Clients roundup story!

Read the Artists-Versus-Clients roundup!


This story is part of the Wedding roundup!

Read the next Wedding roundup story!

Read the Wedding roundup!

Paint Strokes Of Genius

, , , , , | Right | May 7, 2010

(We have a small version of the Mona Lisa for sale.)

Customer: “How much is that?”

Me: “15 dollars.”

Customer: “Is it the original?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. I’m trying to get my hands on the original.”

Not Too Hot To Pot

, , , | Right | November 10, 2009

(I work at a paint-your-own-pottery studio where we fire the ceramics in our own kilns.)

Customer: “How long does it take to get the pottery back?”

Me: “It takes one week, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I need my pottery in two days. Can I just take it home and cook it in my oven?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that won’t work. The pottery needs to be fired in a kiln.”

Customer: “But my oven gets really hot.”

Me: “I’m sure it does, sir, but it still won’t work.”

Customer: “But you don’t know hot my oven gets. It gets really, really, hot!”

Me: “Well, sir, we fire our pottery at 1800 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Love The Art, Hate His Parts

, , , | Right | May 29, 2009

(A young woman walks up to the registers with a book.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this notebook.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes, there’s a naked man on the front cover.”

Me: “Uh, that’s Leonardo Da Vinci’s, Vitruvian Man.”

Customer: “He’s naked.”

Me: “It’s a five-hundred-year-old drawing.”

Customer: *hissing* “HE’S NAKED.”

Me: “…would you like store credit?”


This story is part of our Nudity roundup!

Read the next Nudity roundup story!

Read the Nudity roundup!