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A Badly Drawn Request

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2013

(I work at a theme park as a caricature artist.)

Customer: “Hey, if I get one of these done can you make me skinny?”

Me: “Well, it’s a caricature, so you can have an exaggerated bikini body or something if you like?”

Customer: “Oh, good! Can you make my teeth look better, too?”

(I can see the customer has a gap in her teeth.)

Me: “Well, if you’re sensitive about something like that you could always give me a closed mouth smile.”

Customer: “And could you make me blonde? And maybe a smaller nose?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure you’d want a picture if I altered it that much.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because… it wouldn’t look like you!”

Let The Children Twilight The Way

, | Learning | May 17, 2013

(I’m teaching art lessons to a group of kids ages six to eight. I am trying to convince a girl to paint a shadow on her painting of a puppy.)

Me: “If the puppy is outside on a sunny day, you would see his shadow on the ground. We all have shadows. You have a shadow. I have a shadow. I guess the only way he wouldn’t have a shadow is if the puppy was a vampire.”

Little Girl: *rolls eyes* “Uh, Ms. [my name], if the puppy was a vampire he would have a shadow. He wouldn’t have a reflection.”

(I admit it; I was completely owned by an eight-year-old girl!)

Fine Art Comes With Age

| Right | May 8, 2013

(I’m a caricaturist working at a party. I’m 19, but because of my petite figure, I’m often mistaken for younger. I’m facing my stand, waiting for a guest.)

Guest: “Are you doing caricatures?”

(I turn to face the guest. She is a 10-year-old girl, who suddenly looks horrified and jumps back.)

Guest: “Woah! HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

Me: “Um, 19?”

Guest: “Geez! You look like you’re 14, or something; you scared me!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “I’m used to people doing these to be like 30, or something. I was expecting an old lady.”

Me: “Haha, sorry I’m so young?”

Guest: “YOU SCARED ME! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE OLD!”

Pretty Real And Really Pretty

, , , , | Related | January 27, 2012

(I’m at my Grandma’s house for Christmas. I have my sketchpad to finish drawing my friend’s Christmas presents. My family is all “oohing” and “aahing” over my work.)

Uncle #1: “You’re pretty good.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Aunt: “Yeah, this is pretty impressive.”

Uncle #2: *whispering* “Notice how they keep saying it’s pretty good, but no one is saying you’re really good.”


This story is part of the Family-At-Christmas Roundup!

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Give Me An Ear Or I’ll Give You An Earful

, | Right | July 27, 2011

(A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

Customer: “No, no, no…an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay, if that’s not too much troub–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”