Client: “I just saw the art, and it looks great! Let’s finalize and print it!”

Me: “Okay. Just to confirm, is it approved?”

Client: “No, I need to show it to my boss first.”

Later:

Client’s Boss: “Please make these changes.”

Me: “Okay. How’s this?”

Client’s Boss: “Looks great! Let’s finish this up! I love it!”

Me: “Okay. Again, just to confirm, is it approved?”

Client’s Boss: “No, it needs to go to the executive committee for more changes.”

Even later:

Client’s Boss: “Okay, here are the final changes. After this, it’s final.”

Me: “Okay. How’s this?”

Client’s Boss: “Perfect! Done!”

Me: “Okay… Just to confirm, is it approved?”

Client’s Boss: “No, we need to show it around internally to see if there’s anything anyone else wants to add. I’ll let you know. It could be a while.”

A woman had me use her photo as part of her new ad. She paid for some touch-ups with Photoshop, so I sent her the new picture.

Client: “I look great! Is there any way you can make my breasts a little larger, though?”

I thought it an odd request but proceeded anyway. However, she still wasn’t satisfied with the second, or even the third copy. However, once I sent the fourth, I got an angry email.

Client: “Why did you make my breasts so big?! I look like a bimbo!”

I then showed her the numerous requests she had sent me. I got another email shortly after.

Client: “Sorry for the confusion. The first draft is fine. My husband decided to answer my emails for me.”

I have been working with a challenging client who never seems to appreciate that I have been hired to design something using his brief but also my expertise. I have designed a corporate flyer for him that’s advertising a company-wide Christmas party.

This company is involved in appliances, construction, and renovations, and it was in the local news recently about the first woman to join the board of directors quitting suddenly claiming the rampant sexism she experienced.

As a woman, after dealing with some of these clients, I am beginning to see what she meant. I am calling one of the directors.

Me: “Hi! I am looking at the copy you sent me for the flyer. There might be some typo issues that—”

Client: “I wrote that myself! We pay you to make the pretty pictures, not dictate to the directors what they should be saying!”

Me: “I was just checking if you were sure you want this to go out as-is?”

Client: “Are you deaf? Of course, I do!”

Me: “It’s just… You’re telling people they can win expensive appliances and housewives.”

Client: “…”

Me: “I’m assuming you meant housewares?”

Client: “…”

Me: “By your silence, I’m going to assume you meant housewares.”

Client: “…”

Me: “I’m just gonna put ‘housewares’ and assume your silence is approval.”

Client: *Click*

Approved!

Customer: “The maid who did our room folded our towel into a swan shape!”

Me: “Yes, we encourage our maids to use their folding talents to create entertaining shapes and animals for our guests.”

Customer: “Well… I don’t like swans!”

Me: “I see. I will ask the maid not to do that for your room for the duration of your stay.”

Customer: “I think I deserve some kind of discount.”

Me: “May I ask why you think that, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t like swans! I feel very attacked by seeing them in my room!”

Me: “Well, as I have said, ma’am, we will not do that from now on, but I cannot offer any discounts if there is no fault with the room.”

Customer: “Well then, what can you do for me?!”

Me: “Our maids are pretty good at making towel chickens. Do you like chickens?”

Customer: “This place is ridiculous!” *Storms off*

Me: *Under my breath* “Almost as much as the guests!”

Client: “We like the Easter eggs, but can you make one of them heart-shaped?”

Me: “A heart-shaped egg? Are you sure?”

Client: “Yes, it’ll be cute.”

Two days after receiving the amendment…

Client: “One of the eggs seems to be a sort of weird-shaped triangle, like a heart. How can an egg be heart-shaped? It has to be egg-shaped to be an egg, surely?”