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Here’s Hoping You Charge By The Hour

, , , | Right | October 23, 2022

A client needs a book cover designed in four days. They have two other designers “take a crack” at it and they don’t like either design. Both versions include text in their brand colors and fonts. 

At our first meeting:

Client: “We want something that conveys what the book is about, and I really don’t want our brand colors or fonts. Just do what you think is best.”

I do two concepts. One is playing off of this “map” they have in the book. One has a match setting a book of matches on fire on a black background. (The book is about how to make your audience inspired when giving a speech.) 

Client: “I don’t like the map.”

Even though it’s the same map in their book?

Client: “I like the matches. However, I don’t want fire. How about a spark? I also don’t want it on black, and you can lose the matchbook I get where you were going with it being the audience. And you know what? I know I said I didn’t want it to look like our brand, but now I do. Can you use our fonts and make the background bright blue or bright orange?”

Me: “Okay, this is going off of the whole concept. If I do a spark, then it really doesn’t really work on bright orange. It could look good on blue, but I would recommend a dark blue.”

Client: “How about you just make it look exactly like The Tipping Point?”

That book’s cover is white with an unlit match on it.

Me: “Well, I could, but that would be plagiarism.”

Ten different iterations later…

Client: “How about we just go back to your original concept as-is?”

Officially Pointless

, , , | Right | October 22, 2022

Client: “What do you know about barcodes? We want one for our product.”

Me: “Well, you need one for your product’s label. Can you provide me with the barcode or the number you have for it so I can generate one?”

Client: “We don’t have anything like that. Can you just put one from Google Images? Any barcode.”

Me: “So… you want a non-functional barcode as decoration in your label?”

Client: “Yeah. We want our product to look official.”

Cloning My Very Thought Process

, , , | Right | October 21, 2022

I start using the clone tool in Photoshop to cover some flaws in a picture

Client: “Oh, don’t use the clone stamp!”

Me: “Why?”

Client: “Because I tried using it once and the results were just awful.”

Me: “Okay…”

Client: “Just select a good part of the photo, copy it, paste it over the bad part, and then use erase to soften the edge.”

Me: “You do realize that that’s… Oh, never mind.”

You So Don’t Rock At Expressing Yourself

, , | Right | October 17, 2022

I’m not actually making the table discussed; I’m merely Photoshopping something in.

Client: “The table I want is a giant, round gaming table. Here’s an image of the kind of thing.”

Me: “Okay, so wooden with a green baize top?”

Client: “No, solid stone, no baize.”

Me: “Okay, so stone and round.”

Client: “Yes, solid stone, in Onyx.”

I send an image of a round table that’s made out of black (duh) onyx.

Client: “No, grey, with marbling!”

Me: “Like marble?”

Client: “Yes, marble onyx!”

Thanks For Setting Me Up To Fail

, , , , , | Right | October 15, 2022

Client: “We would like you to make a brochure insert for our DVD.”

Me: “Sure. What colours, font, pictures, and written content would you like?”

Client: “We don’t know. We’d just like it to be professional-looking. Just do what you think looks good.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

After doing some research on their business, I create a brochure based on the colours and fonts that they use on their website, as well as sourcing pictures from the DVD for the brochure.

Client: “Thanks for your effort, but we’d like to make some changes. We’d like the font to be plain Arial, remove the colours to just black and white, and remove all the pictures. We think they’re too distracting.”

Me: “I wouldn’t recommend that. You need at least some colour or pictures; otherwise, it’ll be boring and flat.”

Client: “Just remove them, please. And we’d like a copy so that we can show our CEO for approval.”

Me: *Shrugs* “Sure.”

After several days of waiting for final client approval, I finally hear back from them.

Client: “After much deliberation, we’ve decided that we no longer require the brochure. And we’d like to add that we are very disappointed in your design services, and we’d like a refund on our deposit.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Client: “We found the brochure too boring and unprofessional. I mean, there aren’t even any colours.”