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We’ll Just Pretend This Makes Any Sense

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2023

A potential client from a huge corporate meat plant called me.

Client: “I need you to design tickets for an event.”

Me: “Great! What’s the event?”

Client: “I want to sell tickets to a football game, but this game is only in our minds; it’s pretend. You know how Mickey Mouse is only pretend?”

Me: “Yeah, I underst—”

Client: *Cutting me off* “It’s like that; it won’t actually happen. It’s a game between the ‘University Of [Meat Plant]’ and the [Actual NFL team].”

Me: “Do you have permission to use that—”

Client: *Cutting me off* “The event will be on August 32nd, and everyone will buy tickets to the game, buy T-shirts, the works! Since it’s an impossible date, the other team won’t show up, which means they will forfeit AND WE’LL WIN!”

Me: “No.”

Client: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s literally a scam, you don’t have permission for all of this, and you cut me off every time I sp—”

Client: *Cutting me off* “Please?”

Are You Advertising For A Kindergarten?

, , , | Right | February 3, 2023

Client: “This is the last ad we had made. The copy’s fine, but just look at how unprofessional it looks! We’re looking for something more professional.”

I make a slick new ad, and it looks great. I send the proof to the customer.

Client: “This is great and all, but… can you change the font to Comic Sans?”

Why Even Hire A Designer?

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2023

I had a client who wanted a menu designed for their restaurant. They asked me to take inspiration from some menus that Jamie Oliver used while giving it an identity all its own. I did some work I was pretty happy with, but then…  

Client: “I need this designed in Word so I can edit it whenever I want.”

The Text Is Small, But The Entitlement Is Large

, , , , , , | Right | January 31, 2023

A woman comes in complaining about how a business card she herself designed (NOT us) online has text that’s too small to read, and she immediately blames us even though all we do is click and print things.

I take a look at the original file she had and notice that her screen is very zoomed in on the design, so obviously, the text size she’s seeing isn’t going to match the final product.

Me: “You see, your screen is zoomed in right now on your phone. Compare that to the card that’s in my hand right now; you can see the confusion as to why the text seems so small.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t my fault! Clearly, you guys did something wrong when you printed it out. I want to get a refund on this order!”

Me: “Ma’am, all we are given is the file to print out and then cut. We do not have the capability to make edits or do anything weird like that. I’m sorry, but because the issue is on your end, you are not eligible to get a refund on this order.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know the font size wouldn’t match what’s on the card?!”

Me: “Let me ask you this. You designed this yourself, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And you added the text yourself and paid attention to the point size, correct?”

Customer: “Yes. I even laid out the text inside a text box. I also saw that it was poking outside the work area, so I took the corner and dragged it inward so it would fit within the box!”

She shrunk the text down even smaller to make it fit, basically.

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You put in the text yourself, typed everything out, and then willingly shrunk it down below the minimum size recommendation to make it fit, and you’re saying it’s our fault.”

Customer: “…I want to speak to your manager!”

I let the manager handle it, and they gave her the same information I had just finished explaining while I went to eat a sandwich on break. She never got a refund, and she threatened to call corporate just like 90% of other entitled customers in the country.

This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 9

, , , | Right | January 31, 2023

I was working on character designs for a client and I was given vague descriptions to work with. Since I wasn’t given a lot of detail, I decided to get creative. When I showed it to the client, he got mad.

Client: “No, no, no! He has to look like THIS!”

At that point, he pulled out and showed me a previously commissioned piece of the character.

I’d asked for references several times before this point. I guess he hoped I’d guess right.

This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 8
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 7
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 6
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 5
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 4