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Give Me An Ear Or I’ll Give You An Earful

, | Right | July 27, 2011

(A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

Customer: “No, no, no…an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay, if that’s not too much troub–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”

A Heady Proposition, Part 2

| Right | June 18, 2011

(A customer comes in with a photo of her daughter. She wants to include it in a business card.)

Customer: “So you guys are able to take this picture, put it on to the computer, and then fix it up nicely?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

(I’m given the picture, and I notice her daughter is facing completely to the right. Not a big deal, so I go ahead and scan the picture. It appears on screen.)

Customer: “Okay. I need you to turn her face towards us.”

Me: “Uh…that’s not possible.”

Customer: “But you said you would fix it up nicely.”

Me: “I can clean the picture up and make your daughter look nice. However, you can’t scan a picture and then turn it around like it was in 3D.”

Customer: “But computers are the reason 3D exists. Now turn my daughter’s head!”


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Has Faith But Lost All Pope, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | May 16, 2011

Customer: “Do you have any books on drawing people? My son loves to draw. I want to encourage him.”

Me: “This one is really good for understanding anatomy. It uses examples from classical art.”

Customer: *very snidely* “I could do without all the nudity. It’s not very Christian.”

Me: “That’s the Sistine Chapel ceiling, ma’am. It’s where the Pope preaches.”


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A Timeless Request

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2011

(The art director of a local mid-sized advertising agency always wants everything right away. In fact, all his job orders are coded ‘HSR’ – Hot Screaming Rush.)

Me: “You want this today?”

Customer: *blank look* “Of course I want it today. If I wanted it tomorrow, I’d have brought it in tomorrow!”


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Suffering For Art

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2010

(There are giant “No Photography” signs posted on all doors and all over the gallery. A gallery patron pulls out her camera and starts photographing artwork.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “Oh, sorry. Why can’t I take pictures?”

Me: “These are copyrighted images and if we let everyone take pictures, they would have no reason to purchase the art.”

(The patron shrugs, pulls out her cell phone, and walks around the gallery. She holds it up in the air while taking pictures of the wall art.)

Me: “Excuse me, but like I said before, we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “I wasn’t taking pictures; I was talking on the phone!”

Me: “Ma’am, you were holding it over your head, and you weren’t even talking.”

Patron: “Well, it’s none of your business how I talk on my phone. Besides, I don’t think any of them were in focus.”


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