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Pretty Real And Really Pretty

, , , , | Related | January 27, 2012

(I’m at my Grandma’s house for Christmas. I have my sketchpad to finish drawing my friend’s Christmas presents. My family is all “oohing” and “aahing” over my work.)

Uncle #1: “You’re pretty good.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Aunt: “Yeah, this is pretty impressive.”

Uncle #2: *whispering* “Notice how they keep saying it’s pretty good, but no one is saying you’re really good.”


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Give Me An Ear Or I’ll Give You An Earful

, | Right | July 27, 2011

(A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

Customer: “No, no, no…an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay, if that’s not too much troub–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”

A Heady Proposition, Part 2

| Right | June 18, 2011

(A customer comes in with a photo of her daughter. She wants to include it in a business card.)

Customer: “So you guys are able to take this picture, put it on to the computer, and then fix it up nicely?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

(I’m given the picture, and I notice her daughter is facing completely to the right. Not a big deal, so I go ahead and scan the picture. It appears on screen.)

Customer: “Okay. I need you to turn her face towards us.”

Me: “Uh…that’s not possible.”

Customer: “But you said you would fix it up nicely.”

Me: “I can clean the picture up and make your daughter look nice. However, you can’t scan a picture and then turn it around like it was in 3D.”

Customer: “But computers are the reason 3D exists. Now turn my daughter’s head!”


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Has Faith But Lost All Pope, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | May 16, 2011

Customer: “Do you have any books on drawing people? My son loves to draw. I want to encourage him.”

Me: “This one is really good for understanding anatomy. It uses examples from classical art.”

Customer: *very snidely* “I could do without all the nudity. It’s not very Christian.”

Me: “That’s the Sistine Chapel ceiling, ma’am. It’s where the Pope preaches.”


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A Timeless Request

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2011

(The art director of a local mid-sized advertising agency always wants everything right away. In fact, all his job orders are coded ‘HSR’ – Hot Screaming Rush.)

Me: “You want this today?”

Customer: *blank look* “Of course I want it today. If I wanted it tomorrow, I’d have brought it in tomorrow!”


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