I’m an interior designer. I have a new client who has a vision for what they want, but describing it is always an adventure. We’ve moved on to bathroom tiles.

Client: “I need something that goes with this exact shade of mauve. But not purple. Or pink. Or anything cold.”

Me: “So… some warm neutrals and a few soft earth tones that would complement that?”

Client: “No, not beige. Beige is what people pick when they’ve given up.”

Me: “Okay, something warmer than beige but still subtle?”

Client: “It should feel luxurious but also rustic. And modern. But not trendy. I want it to look expensive without looking like I spent money.”

Me: “Right. Understated opulence with no trace of effort.”

Client: “Exactly. Is that so hard?”

Me: “Not at all. That’s my most requested paradox.”

I work in a custom framing store. A customer walks in clutching an oversized movie poster rolled into a cardboard tube.

Customer: “Hi. I need this framed. It’s a limited-edition print of Jaws, Japanese release.”

Me: “Ooh! Very cool. Do you want a standard black frame or something themed?”

Customer: “Well, I want it to look classy.”

Me: “…Okay. We could do a sleek matte navy with a red fillet.”

Customer: *Suddenly offended.* “Red? Red!”

Me: “Or… not?”

Customer: “Did you forget I said it was a Jaws poster?! You want to frame it like it’s one of the Sharknados!? How dare you!”

He then turned around and stormed out. The whole encounter lasted twenty seconds. I’m still confused.

I’m tidying up the shelves of sketchbooks when a sharply dressed middle-aged woman approaches, holding a pack of graphite pencils.

Customer: “Excuse me, I bought these pencils here last week and they’re… too grey.”

Me: “…They’re graphite.”

Customer: “Yes, but when I draw, everything looks dull and lifeless. They’re depressing. Don’t you have something with more color?”

Me: “We do, they’re called colored pencils.”

Customer: “No, I still want them to be grey, just… vibrant grey. You know?”

I pause, realizing she’s completely serious.

Me: “Sure. Right this way. They’re on the shelf between the waterproof towels and the cordless extension cords.”

I realize after that I might have applied a better filter to what I said, but the customer ignored me and simply looked at the random shelf I was pointing to and said:

Customer: “Oh, you must be out of stock. I’ll try [Competitor]. Shame, you guys just lost a sale.”

After I told my manager and coworkers what I said. After laughing, they suggested a few more products we could sell, ranging from reversible highlighters, see-through paint, waterproof sponges, and scented erasers for blind people…

I work in a pottery painting studio inside a children’s museum (not a DIY studio, this one is staff-run and curated, mainly for school trips).

A dad is standing at the counter with his son, holding a ceramic frog with uneven globs of blue paint all over it.

Dad: “This looks… like something exploded in a Smurf factory. Can we just have one of the staff repaint it before it’s fired?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we don’t alter the kids’ work. The idea is that they make it themselves and take it home, just like they painted it.”

Dad: “Right, but he’s four. He won’t remember. And I don’t want to be stuck displaying… this.”

Kid: *Very seriously.* “It’s not a frog. It’s you. On the inside.”

There is a beat of silence while the dad just stares at it. Then he looks at me like I am supposed to say something.

Me: “…Hey, at least he didn’t say it’s the outside?”

He bought the not-frog.

I am trying to come up with a design for a memorial tattoo for my black cat, who was named after a popular movie character. I booked a session with an artist who just branched off a local shop to open his own place. When he was at the shop, he had excellent reviews and a beautiful portfolio of his works.

Artist: “Okay, so what do you have? This is a memorial, right?”

Me: *Handing over several photos.* “Yeah, my cat.”

Artist: “Boy or girl? Oh, just so you know, the base price is $400.”

I did not know this, as it was not on the website or anywhere in the appointment request. It seems like a lot of money, but this is also my first tattoo, so maybe I’m just unprepared?

Me: “Um… Boy.”

Artist: “What was he like?”

Me: “He loved laser pointers and never missed a meal. He always greeted me when I got home and just talked and talked until I sat down, and he would lie in my lap and purr. He was my little spoon when I watched TV. He—”

Artist: *Not paying attention.* “Uh-huh, he sounds like a great cat. What was his name?”

Me: “[Character’s Name], like—”

Artist: “—Nope.”

Me: “What?”

Artist: “Copyright laws. I can’t do a [Character] tattoo.”

Me: “I’m not asking you to do a tattoo about the character. I’m asking for a tattoo to memorialize my cat named [Character].”

Artist: “Sorry, can’t risk it. I won’t charge you for today, though.”

Me: “I don’t understand. People have Betty Boop tattoos and Mickey Mouse and—”

Artist: “I’m not doing it. You want to risk someone else going to jail, go for it. Get out.”

I gathered my pictures and left. I did some research and found that there is a fine line between copyright infringement and a tattoo that looks very, very, VERY similar to the character but has one small change that makes it a completely different design and thus not illegal.

I went to another artist a few weeks later who sat with me and designed a perfect, realistic-looking memorial for my cat. It only hurt a little bit – more like a relentless swarm of bees in one spot – and it turned out great. 

My total was about $250 for three hours. [Artist] is still in business, but a lot of his reviews have been about how he refuses to do common tattoos or charges insane amounts for very basic designs.