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Making You Feel All Kinds Of Blue

| Right | November 25, 2016

(I’m a graphic designer but I take on some freelance jobs outside of my regular job. A client contacts me, looking for a brochure design for his upcoming art show at a small gallery. His work is very cool and I decide to take on the job. After receiving multiple e-mails from him freaking out about how “It just doesn’t FEEL like my art. It needs to FEEL better!” I decide to meet with him to go over it in person.)

Me: “So, what aren’t you liking about the current design? We’ve discussed all the changes and up until this point you seemed ok with it.”

Client: *touching the print out* “The FEEL is all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!”

Me: “Okay, can you explain a bit more? What about the feel isn’t right?”

Client: “You know! The FEEL!” *start rubbing the piece of paper on his face and flinging it all around in the air*

Me: “Do you mean the paper? This isn’t the final paper stock we’re printing on, just regular printer paper.”

Client: “Oh, okay. Good because this s*** is NASTY!” *throws all the papers on the ground and points at my computer screen* “But also, this colour here is just so WRONG!”

Me: *collecting papers* “All right, we can change that. What colour were you thinking?”

Client: “A bright blue! Oh, wait… maybe a dark and moody blue.”

Me: *makes changes on screen* “Do you like either of these?”

Client: “Are you an idiot!? Neither of those are blue! How can you call yourself a designer if you think THAT’S blue!”

(The client is now kneeling on his chair and flailing his arms in the air while screeching at me.)

Me: “Okay! Why don’t you go through the colours here and see if there’s something you like better!”

(The client calms down and scrolls for a solid 15 minutes through the colours while practically lying across the table.)

Client: “This one! It’s PERFECT!”

Me: “Umm… all right, then.”

(We settled on a lovely Forest “Blue” and concluded the project after printing. The kicker? I went to his show the next week and found that he didn’t use my design but decided to make all new brochures by finger painting them and handing out still wet pieces of paper at the show.)

This story is part of the Artists-Versus-Clients roundup!

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This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!

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A Remix In The Mix

, | Romantic | November 14, 2016

(In this story, I am the customer. My boyfriend and I are walking out of the store when a song comes on. The song seemed to be repeating the same word over and over, so I thought I’d say something.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? I think the music glitched out.”

Employee: “Um… what?”

Me: “The music, I think it’s glitching out.”

Employee: “Oh, no, it’s just a remix of the song!”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: *facepalms* “I can’t believe you.”

Me: “I am so sorry. This is so embarrassing.”

Employee: “It’s okay. Have a nice day!”

Sea Of Electricity

, , , | Hopeless | June 27, 2016

(I’m handing out inner tubes for a popular water slide. Several young men come up; one of them has a tattoo on his side that makes it look like his skin is peeling away to reveal mechanical inner workings. Shortly after they get in line, two little girls come up. They stare at the tattooed man for a few moments, and then one taps him on the leg.)

Girl #1: “Are you sure you can go in the water?”

Tattooed Man: “Uh… I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Girl #1: “But what about that?” *points to his tattoo* “My mommy says electric stuff can’t get wet.”

Tattooed Man: *grinning* “Oh, don’t worry. I’m an underwater explorer robot. I’m built for that stuff.”

Girl #2: “So you won’t break? Even if you get water all inside you?”

Tattooed Man: “Nope!”

Girls #1 & #2: *gaping at him* “Wow…”

Raise A Glass To An Awesome Neighbor

, , , , | Hopeless | June 7, 2016

(I make decals, by tracing fabric paint on glass.)

Me: *throwing yet another frame away*

Neighbor: *walks up* “I noticed that you are constantly throwing frames away.”

Me: “Yeah, I use the glass for my craft but I step on them and they break.”

Neighbor: “Well, what kind of glass do you need? Does it need to be framed?”

Me: “No. I would like to have something that won’t break when I step on it, though.”

Neighbor: “I can get you something that will work.”

(A day or two later:)

Neighbor: “Here you go.” *hands me THREE pieces of thick glass, 12×14* “This shouldn’t break when you step on it and if it does it will break into large pieces so you won’t cut yourself.”

(Turned out he worked with windows and cut pieces of glass made for windows for me.)

Science Is An Art

, , , | Hopeless | May 31, 2016

(I am a graduate student, and always go to look at pieces in the summer art festival across the street from my campus. One particular booth from a married couple is my favorite, featuring carved and layered steel heated with a blowtorch so that it changed colors; they are there yearly, and I always take a long time admiring their pieces. After a few years of this, I am apparently recognized when I go back to look at their pieces again very near the end of the festival.)

Artist: “I see you’re lurking over here again.”

Me: “Yes, I just love your work. It’s outside of my budget as a graduate student, but it’s great for me that I can come and look at it here.”

Artist: “Oh, I understand about being a student. What is it you’re studying?”

(I explain a little about the somewhat technical scientific field I’m in.)

Artist: “Oh, good, you’re a scientist. So let me tell you about this new process we’ve been working on, and how we can get different effects by changing the fire application…”

(She then proceeds to explain a new style they’ve been developing, and how it differs from some of their previous work, and I ask a few questions about it.)

Artist: “Are you going to be here for a few more minutes? I’d like to get your contact information for our mailing list, in case we’re doing shows other places near you, like when you’re visiting family over the holidays or that.”

Me: “Sure!”

(I fill out the form while she walks away to handle something… and comes back a few minutes later with a small box. I see she’s transferred all my contact information onto a receipt.)

Artist: “I feel better knowing that at least some of my pieces have gone to people who really appreciate them. So I’d like you to have this one at no charge, to start your collection.”

(I’ve since graduated, and bought a few of their pieces now that I’m no longer on a student budget, but that first one is still hanging on my bedroom wall. And I’m still floored by it.)