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It’s Suddenly Drafty In Here

, , , , , , | Right | April 15, 2022

I work as a graphic designer. We do commercial printing such as business cards, postcards, and signs, and we have a variety of clients from small to large.

I’m working with a real estate agent on some signs and business cards. I create the mock-up and send the proofs by email. The client replies with some minor changes. I do those and sent the new proof.

A few days pass by, and I get a phone call from the client.

Client: “I’m inquiring about the status of my order.”

Me: “I’m still waiting for an approval on the latest proof.”

Client: “I approved by email! I’m losing money because you haven’t begun printing my order!”

Me: “I never received an approval.”

Client: “I have proof!”

She screen-captures her email and sends it to me so I can verify that she actually approved the order. I look at the screenshot that she sends.

Me: “You never hit send; the email is still a draft.”

She goes silent for a moment.

Client: “When can I have my stuff, then?”

She got her stuff a few days later.

Confident, Ain’t Ya?

, , , | Right | April 14, 2022

I’ve sent an invoice to a prospective client, and they sent this response.

Client: “We see that you’ve listed ‘project management’ on the invoice. We won’t be needing that. We’ll be in direct contact with the designer, so an additional party won’t be necessary. We also don’t need ‘art direction.’ I know exactly what we want and what the project entails, so I will act as the artistic director. We also won’t need any revisions. The designer should get it right the first time; that’s just how we expect to do business. Please update the invoice and we’ll pass on the deposit.“

I didn’t follow up.  

Holy Flying Hamburgers, Batman!

, , , | Right | April 11, 2022

Client: “Why is the photo grainy? It looks terrible on your flyer.”

Me: “You sent me a zoomed-in photo of the hamburger using the camera on your BlackBerry. They’re three mpx at the most.“

Client: “I’m not sure what mpx is, but if it’s like mph, then the photo wasn’t moving. The burger was on a plate. On a table. Not moving.”

Dense As Rocks

, , , | Right | April 4, 2022

My mom is an amateur geologist. She makes polished cabochon rock necklaces to sell at gem fairs. She runs into a lot of interesting potential customers.

Customer #1: “You must have painted these! There’s no way the rocks are colored like that naturally.”

On another occasion:

Mom: “These rocks formed over millions of years.”

Customer #2: “No, they must be fake! The world is only six thousand years old!”

Neither person ended up buying anything.

You’re Gonna Need A Lot Of White-Out

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2022

Client: “I saw the press release you published. I don’t like the picture; please change it.”

Me: “You’re holding today’s newspaper with the article in your hands, right?”

Client: “What’s your point?”