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Didn’t Size That One Up Quite Right

, , , | Right | November 24, 2022

I was hired to design and order “school spirit” T-shirts for a K-12 school. 

Client: “Why are you ordering so many more of the medium and larger sizes?!”

Me: “Because most of our kids and parents we’ll be selling to wear these sizes?”

Client: “No, no, that won’t do! Order equal amounts of each size!”

Me: “But…”

Client: “Just do it.”

Several weeks later…

Client: “Why are there so many children’s small and extra small shirts left?!”

If You Were Waiting For The Opportune Moment… This Wasn’t It

, , , | Right | November 23, 2022

I took an artwork commission from a client I had worked for before and hadn’t had any troubles with. This time was different.

They wanted a drawing of their role-playing character with their face turned down in a sharp profile.

I sent a sketch.

Client: “It’s perfect!”

I sent linework.

Client: “It’s perfect!”

I did the color and sent a final version.

Client: “It’s not perfect.”

Me: “What’s the issue?”

Client: “Can you open his eyes?”

Me: “This is something you should have brought up at the sketch or line stages. I can open his eyes, but they probably wouldn’t be visible anyway because of the angle.”

Client: “Well, I can’t even recognize him now.”

The sketch was 350 dpi and very clear. The linework was VERY crisp. I have no idea why they waited this long to make a criticism.

With Customers Like This, Nothing Is A Cakewalk

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2022

When I was in college, I worked part-time in a very popular local bakery as a clerk. One of my favorite jobs was retrieving custom-decorated cakes for customers, as it allowed me to see the work of our extraordinary decorators.

One very busy Saturday morning, a woman came in to pick up a cake and I was the clerk available to take her ticket. This woman was your classic middle-aged short-bobbed soccer mom archetype, but since this bakery catered to the suburbs of a sizeable city, we got plenty of customers who looked like that and caused no issues. This customer seemed impatient, but I did not consider it a red flag at the time since she clearly had a party to get this cake to.

I took the customer’s name and headed into the back to find her cake, and what I found was a huge, gorgeous round cake for a baby’s baptism. The top and sides were covered in creamy off-white frosting roses which had been finished with a coating of edible shimmer spray (basically a very classy glitter) that made rainbows dance over the cake when I moved it through the light. In the center of the cake was a lovely little sugar cross, about four inches tall and two inches wide, and the cake’s dedication was perfectly spaced around the curve of the cake top.

I was so awed by this masterpiece of cake-decorating artistry that I paused to show it to every single coworker I encountered on my way back up to the counter. I held the cake with as much care as I would show to an infant, fearful of doing the slightest damage to it in transit. I reached the counter and set the cake in front of the customer, beaming.

The customer looked down at this beautiful, delicate, shimmering creation and SNEERED.

Customer: “I thought the cross would be bigger.”

I felt the smile slide straight off my face. For a moment, I wondered if I had misheard. Surely she couldn’t be criticizing this cake, of all cakes?

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “The sugar cross. I wanted it to be big enough to cover the whole cake, and I wanted the writing to be on the cross.”

I was speechless. All my customer service poise had completely abandoned me, and I just stood there gaping at this woman in utter shock.

Customer: “Just get me your manager.”

Dazed, I left the counter and sent my manager out to deal with the situation. I stayed in the back for a bit, quietly ranting to my coworkers about the experience.

After a few minutes, the manager headed past my little gossip group into the back area and returned with our chief decorator. After several more minutes, the decorator tromped back, clearly fuming.

Me: “So, what happened?”

Decorator: “She decided to take it, eventually. I don’t know what she expected us to do. I remember that order. We explained repeatedly that we don’t make the sugar crosses in-house and that the ones we get from our supplier would be too small to write on!”

I’m Designing A House, Not A TARDIS

, , | Right | November 20, 2022

I’m a home designer. A client asked me to draw up plans for a no-frills, simple duplex. I sent my first draft, which the client deemed to be too big.

Client: “I’d really like to get rid of any hallways. Hallways are just wasted space. I’m sending you a sketch I did that shrinks the square footage and eliminates all hallways.”

Me: “Okay, here’s a draft with no hallway.”

Client: “I don’t like how all the rooms open up to the living room.”

Me: “Well, with such a small footprint, it’s really about the only thing you can do. You said you wanted to eliminate the hallway.”

Client: “I sent you a sketch. Can you make it look like that?”

He drew in a hallway that took up a third of the living room.

Do You Want A Designer Or Not?!

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2022

I was working on a website/logo/rebranding project. The client wanted her logo to be a nice medium blue. Cool. Easy.

While working on the website:

Client: “Can you make the header black? I want a really dark header.”

Black made the logo look almost neon. She didn’t see anything wrong with that. This was the first sign that things weren’t going to go well.

I did some work to make sure everything fit together, making sure to pick fonts and colors that worked with what she wanted without clashing too much.

Me: “Okay, I have everything together. Log in and have a look.”

Client: “Great! I’ve had a look, and I made a few changes.”

I had a look, and everything was a nightmare. She’d changed the background to a purple that looked like old wine, with bright white block text in bold. There was no difference between her headers and her text body. Random seafoam colors littered the screen.

I cringed and then did my best to alter it slightly. I found a color that matched the logo in tone, instead of clashing like something from an ’80s sitcom.

After I showed her what I’d done, she polled fifteen of her friends for their opinions. This caused her to lecture me about why her design was better… for three hours.

I’ve since dropped said client.