(A customer comes in with “artistic” nude pictures of herself and her husband, and throws them on the counter.)
Customer: “What kind of frame should I put on these? They are going in the kitchen.”
Me: “The kitchen, huh? Well, I can start you off with a few options.” *I show her a few frames*
Customer: “…and how much would this be?”
Me: “$350.00 each.”
Customer: “For $350.00 I’d expect something a little more… phallic.”
(As a graphic designer with a background in photography, I coordinate the shoots for cover homes.)
Me: “Just send me the address of the home and I will look it up and work with the photographer on the shoot.”
Salesperson: “It’s a million-dollar home. Very, very nice. The listing agent wants to be there; he wants a nice sunny shot. It’s a million-dollar home and I really want to make him happy.”
Me: “That’s great… just send me the address.”
(I find that the house faces north-northeast, which means the sun will never hit the front of the house directly.)
Me: “Okay, we’ve got a problem. I know the listing agent wants to be at the shoot and he wants a sunny shot, but we can’t do that because it faces north. We’re going to have to have to do a night shot or an early shot and hope the dawn light hits it.”
Salesperson: “But it’s a million-dollar home.”
Me: “I know, it’s a really nice home. It’s vacant, so we can’t do an interior. I’ll talk to the photographer, but I’m sure he’ll agree that a night shot will be our best bet or the home will be backlit and not look good at all.”
Salesperson: “This is a million-dollar mansion!”
Me: “I know. But unless you or the listing agent can move the sun, it will be at night or just after sunrise. I’m sure he wants the mansion to look good.”
(The salesperson calls my boss to undoubtedly tell her I am being impossible, and I shouldn’t dictate to our customers. Sadly, my boss couldn’t move the sun either, and a very lovely night shot ran on the cover.)
This story is part of the Artists-Versus-Clients roundup!
Read the next Artists-Versus-Clients roundup story!
Read the Artists-Versus-Clients roundup!
Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”
Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”
Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”
Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”
Customer: “So you can’t do color?”
Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”
Customer: “Aww. Well, I really wanted it in color, but, oh, well… I guess…”
(She then proceeded to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)
(I’m part of a small animation company. One project, in particular, is assigned to me alone, forcing me to deal with two customers. This is a specification nightmare waiting to happen, but I still accept it. This happens at a meeting relatively far along, with work close to being finished.)
Me: “So, that’s the current state. I still have to add in details, but that’s not an issue within the deadline.”
Customer #1: “Looks great to me already. Looking forward to the final product… Just one gripe.”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer #1: “The animation runs too slowly.”
(I’m confused, as I made it pretty fast already. [Customer #2] pipes up.)
Customer #2: “What? No! It is way too fast!”
(I try to interrupt the beginning squabble, but am not successful. The two customers squabble for a full fifteen minutes whether it is too slow or too fast.)
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer #1 & #2: *still squabbling*
Me: “Excuse me! I’ve got another meeting in fifteen, so may I make a suggestion?”
Customer 1 & 2: *simultaneously* “Yes?”
Me: “How about we compromise and leave the speed as it is?”
(The looks the two of them exchanged were golden, as if that thought had never crossed their mind. It’s one of those rare cases I got it my way…)
This story is part of the Problems That Resolve Themselves roundup!
Read the next Problems That Resolve Themselves roundup story!
Read the Problems That Resolve Themselves roundup!
(In high school I worked at a do-it-yourself pottery painting store. Customers would purchase a blank piece of pottery and paint it with colored glazes, and we would fire the finished pieces overnight in kilns. Pick-up time for pieces is 6:30 pm. A customer shows up at 10 am wanting her piece.)
Customer: “Yeah, I painted something yesterday and I want to pick it up.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but your piece is still in the kiln. I can probably have it to you by 4 if you can’t wait until 6:30.”
Customer: “Why can’t I have it now?”
Me: “Because it’s still in the kiln, and it needs to finish baking and cool for several hours before I can take it out.”
Customer: “But can’t you just get mine out now?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but the kiln is running at 1600 degrees and is locked shut. Even if I could get it open and get your piece out without killing myself, the piece would shatter from cooling too fast.”
Customer: “Can’t you just get it out?”
Me: *facepalm*
This story is part of our Need For Hazard Pay roundup!
Read the next Need For Hazard Pay roundup story!
Read the Need For Hazard Pay roundup!
This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!
Read the next “Not Getting Art” story!
Read the “Not Getting Art” roundup!
