(My boyfriend and I are sitting in the living room, waiting for the bedroom to cool down so that we can go to sleep, since our summers can get pretty hot down here. I pull out a notebook to work on some writing while my boyfriend starts up a game.)

Boyfriend: “Will you be able to work if I have this on?”

Me: “Er… no, not really. I can go into the bedroom, though.”

Boyfriend: “That’s okay. I’ll just put it on mute.” *after a few minutes* “Dang it! What’s my mission?”

Me: *looks up and realizes his problem* “You’ll need to put on the subtitles.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, right.”

(He changes the settings and resumes his game without incident, until…)

Boyfriend: *starts narrating what the characters are saying*

Me: “What’s the point of subtitles?!”

(One extremely busy day, one of our cashiers calls out, leaving me and the manager to operate the registers by ourselves. The lines are incredibly long, and a female customer wants to refund her purchase and buy it again with a coupon. While I’m doing this, the male customer behind her is getting visibly impatient. I notice the other line is long, but each person appears to have only a few items, while the female customer I’m helping has a full cart of stuff.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how long this will take, so it may be faster if you get in the other line.”

Male Customer: *notices how long the line is* “Quicker?! With all those people?! What I don’t understand is why there are only TWO cashiers on a busy day like this!”

Me: I’m sorry, sir, we’re understaffed; one of our cashiers called out. If you’d like to talk to my manager, she’s right over there.”

Male Customer: “Well, you should call somebody else in or something! Having only two cashiers when it’s this busy is ridiculous!”

(The lady I’m helping overhears this and decides to stick up for me.)

Female Customer: “Sir, it’s not her fault that the lines are long. They’re doing all they can and you complaining like this isn’t going to help.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, if you don’t open your mouth, nothing gets done.”

Female Customer: “My mother has colon cancer. If waiting in line is the worst thing to happen to you…”

Male Customer: “I’m just saying, two cashiers on a day like this is completely ridiculous!”

(A younger girl, presumably the daughter of the lady I’m helping, decides to say something, as well.)

Younger Girl: “Dude… shut up!”

(The man goes silent but still is very noticeably angry. When I finally finish the lady’s transaction, the man throws his one item at me, pays as fast as he can, and storms out. There was another lady in line after him.)

Next Lady In Line: “…I’ll try to run him over in the parking lot for you.”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 9
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8

(When my family gets in the car, we hear a dragging sound on one side. My dad pulls over so I can check on it.)

Me: “There was a branch wedged in the wheel well. Don’t worry, I pulled it out.”

Sister: *looks me in the eye* “Stick shift.”

Dad: *loses it*

(This college is located at the base of a mountain. It even has a ski run on it. If you drive two hours south you are in Phoenix which is at a much lower elevation. The fellow student in this story is from San Diego and two years older than I am. I am a sophomore. It is mid-Autumn, and before smart phones.)

Me: “Brrr, it is cold; I am so tired of this wind. We should take a trip to Phoenix and warm up!”

Guy: “If you are cold why don’t you go to the top of the mountain and warm up there?”

Me: *confused* “You mean take a hike? I guess. I don’t really want to hike, though, and it would still be cold.”

Guy: “No, the top of the mountain is warmer because it is closer to the sun. If you drive to Phoenix you are going further away from it and it will just get colder.”

Me: “What? No, that isn’t how it works; you’re kidding, right? I mean, you do know it snows on top of mountains and stuff?”

Guy: “Well, yeah, but just because there is snow doesn’t mean it’s colder in top of the mountain.”

Me: “Okaaayyy, you do know about the equator and the tilt of the earth right? And atmosphere?”

Guy: “Duh, I had real science. I wasn’t home-schooled like you.”

Me: “…really? I’m not the one who thinks that a 12,000 foot mountain top is warmer than a city that’s barely a thousand feet above sea level because it’s ‘closer to the sun”!”

(The argument continued for a while. He never believed me.)

(I’m not very good with children, and quite the science nerd. While visiting my sister, I have this interaction with my nephew, who is five years old.)

Nephew: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Nephew: “Why don’t penguins have teeth?”

(I, not wanting to make anything up, decide to give him a very quick overview of evolution.)

Me: “Well, they don’t need them. You see their ancestors came from really little birds who couldn’t—”

(Out of nowhere.)

Sister: “Their teeth fell out when they stopped brushing them!”

(My nephew gets a horrified expression and RUNS to the bathroom, and immediately starts trying to brush his teeth.)

Me: *incredulously* “That was mean.”

Sister: “It’s called being a mom!”