Not Caught Up In The Web

, , , | Right | May 4, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My mother’s computer won’t connect to the Internet.”

Me: “All right, let’s see if we can figure out the issue.”

(I spend five minutes troubleshooting the connection, and still can’t get it connected.)

Me: “I can’t find anything wrong with your computer. Is it a desktop or a laptop?”

Customer: “I don’t know. She’s in Florida, so I’ll have to call and ask her.”

Me: “Okay, do you happen to know her Internet service provider?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s you guys.”

Me: “Sir, we’re a repair center. Are you sure she has Internet?”

Customer: “Doesn’t it come free with the computer?”

Me: “No, they stopped doing that a while ago.”

Customer: “Figures. I’ll tell her!”

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In A Mail Dominated Industry, Some Are Left Behind

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I’ve set up an elderly customer up with a paid public computer to use.)

Customer: “How do I get to my email?”

Me: “Who is your account with?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Who?”

Me: “You don’t know?”

Customer: “The email account doesn’t come with the computer?”


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In Search Of Common Law And Common Sense

, , , | Right | April 23, 2010

Me: “This is [Law Firm]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you located on the fifth floor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, I am on the fifth floor and there are no offices here.”

Me: “There are three law firms on the fifth floor, ma’am. We are the one all the way to the right of the elevator.”

Customer: “No, there are no offices on this floor. It’s totally open. And, it’s hot.”

Me: “Hot?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s hot. I think you gave me the wrong address.”

(I verify the address, and the customer has the correct address.)

Customer: “Well, it’s just an open floor. I got out of my car up here and there’s no office.”

Me: “Are you… are you on the fifth floor of the parking garage?”

(My office window looks out at the roof (fifth) level of the parking garage. Sure enough, there is a woman on her cell phone pacing around the roof level of the parking garage.)

Customer: “You told me to go to the fifth floor.”

Me: “Of the office building, ma’am, not of the parking garage.”

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A Fence Built On Magic Beans

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2010

(While reviewing an adoption application for a very agile Border Collie, I come to the point where it talks about the adopter’s housing situation and fence.)

Me: “I’m unfamiliar with a Cyclone Fence. Can you please tell me what that is made of?”

Adopter: “It’s linked like a chain-linked fence.”

Me: “Oh, okay! So you have a 5′ chain link fence then? And the dog will be left either in the home or yard with a doggie door while you are gone, right?”

Adopter: “Yeah.”

Me: “That sounds wonderful. I would just like to mention that you may want to keep the dog either in a crate or in a room of the house for the first week or so. Too many times we hear stories where people have their new dog outside unattended and the dog jumps the fence and runs away.”

Adopter: “She can’t jump a 6′ fence.”

Me: “So your fence is 6′, not 5′ like you put on the application?”

Adopter: “No dog can jump my 10′ fence.”

Me: “Sir, your fence was 6′ a moment ago.”

Adopter: “Well, I don’t know. It’s taller than me! It’s like 14′ high!”

Me: “Really, it doesn’t matter how tall your fence is. I am just saying that if you take the dog home and leave her unattended, she could get worried and climb your fence and get out. No one here wants her to get lost.”

Adopter: “My fence is 16′ tall! No one can get over it!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

Adopter: “I am going to sue you!”


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Bloody Stupid

, , , , , | Right | March 30, 2010

(The previous customer had purchased nineteen whole chickens. The packaging leaked chicken blood/juice onto the cashier belt.)

Me: “Just one second, ma’am. I’m going to clean the belt off first. There’s a ton of chicken blood on it and it’s pretty nasty.”

Customer: “Excuse me? Do you think I’m stupid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite get what you mean.”

Customer: “I’m not an idiot. A chicken is a bird, and birds don’t bleed!”

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