Open Your Throat

, , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m a 16-year-old girl working the closing shift at my restaurant, and it’s about half an hour to closing. We’re pretty much done and I’m walking back from the front of the store when I see a large man standing outside in the dark. While I’m watching, he points at me, and then makes a threatening motion over his throat with the same finger. Terrified, I shrug at him, hurry to the back room, and start to tell my coworker, when the bell rings.)

Coworker: “[My Name], can you get that?”

Me: *still scared* “Sure.”

(I go out and it’s the man from outside. At this point, I’m scared that I’m actually in danger, and trying to get my coworker’s attention just in case something happens, when the customer speaks up with a heavy accent.)

Customer: “You are open?”

Me: “Yes, what can I get for you?”

Customer: *smiling and doing the throat-cutting motion again* “When I do this, it means, ‘Are you still open?’”

(I don’t know where he was from where that would mean that! He’s since become a late night regular, but I still get a little anxious every time he comes in.)

It’s Our Morning Period

, , , | Healthy | November 17, 2017

(Our office is only open a half-day on Friday. This takes place at about 11:00 am.)

Patient: “So, today is your half-day, right?”

Me: “Right; we’re only open half the day on Fridays.”

Patient: “Are you open in the morning or the afternoon?”

Me: *looks around at the waiting room full of patients, including her* “Uh… Morning.”

Patient: “Oh, that would make sense.”

Unfiltered Story #100139

, , | Unfiltered | November 17, 2017

(I am at a sports bar watching football with my parents and little brother. We have been there for a while and my mom has had a little too much to drink.)

Little Brother: “Dad, please can we go now? I’m so bored.”

Dad: *looking at beer to see how much he has left* “Okay, fine we’ll leave soon, hang on, Just give me four inches.”

Mom: “That’s what she said.”

(At this point I was laughing so hard that I almost spit out my soda.)

The ABCs Of Being Late

, , , , | Learning | November 15, 2017

(My university has shuttles that transport students between campuses. [Campus A] is right across from my apartment, so I use the shuttle there to go to [Campus B], where I take another shuttle to [Campus C]. The [A-B shuttle] has been incredibly reliable for the past two years, but the guy who drives it when I go to my Tuesday/Thursday classes this semester always seems to be 15 minutes late for a 10-minute drive. At first, I think traffic is just worse at this time, but the shuttle tracker shows that he’s actually departing [Campus B] 15 minutes late. I’ve taken to asking the driver to call the [B-C shuttle] and ask them to wait, reasoning that I shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for accommodations when it’s their fault I’m late. One day, he’s even later than usual.)

Me: “Could you call the [B-C Shuttle] and ask them to wait?”

A-B Driver: “Actually, there was an accident on the interstate, so they’re running late, too.”

(He drives to [Campus B] and arrives just as the [B-C shuttle] departs.)

A-B Driver: “All right. If you stay on, I can catch him at the light.”

([A-B Driver] manages to get [B-C Driver]’s attention at the light, and I get on the [B-C shuttle].)

Me: *to [B-C Driver]* “Sorry! I asked him to call ahead, but he said it was fine because you were running late, too.”

B-C Driver: “Not as late as him, though!”

Unfiltered Story #100006

, , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

(I have a slight addiction to milk. One weekend, I go to a convention for an online game. I make a friend, and we go out together while waiting for an event to start. I have gone without milk all day and I’m really craving some, so when we stop by a coffee shop, I ask if it’s possible to just get some milk.)

Barista: Sure!

(The barista goes to grab a cup, and then stops.)

Barista: Oh, wait, you probably don’t want the sixteen ounce.

Me: No, actually, that sounds good.

Barista: You sure?

Me: Yep.

(The barista shrugs, as if to say “It’s your money,” but gives me the milk in that size, and gives my friend her drink. We sit down and talk, and my milk is gone in less than two minutes.)

Friend: Holy crap, you weren’t kidding about that milk craving.

(She pauses for a moment, and then jokingly makes a suggestion. I’m feeling a bit silly and less shy than normal, so I decide to go along with it and bring the empty cup up to the counter.)

Me: *laughing so he knows I’m not serious* So my friend told me I should ask if I could get another cup for free since I drank this one so quickly.

(His eyebrows shoot up as he looks at the empty cup, and when he looks up at me, he almost seems impressed.)

Barista: You know what? Sure.

(I drank that milk at a much more reasonable pace.)

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