An Open Faucet Of Incompetence

, , , , , | Right | October 1, 2017

(I work in a kitchen and bath showroom. A middle-aged couple walks in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you guys today?”

Customer: “I want a kitchen faucet!”

Me: “Okay, most of them are going to be on this wall here. What size or style are you considering?”

(The customer is walking around, yanking on the display models on the wall. Display models are not set up to be used. She wants a faucet that has a nozzle that can pull out of the faucet itself.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, be careful! Those faucets are supposed to have hoses so that you can pull out the spout, but these are display models. Pulling on them will just break them.”

Customer: “Then how I am supposed to know if they work?!”

Me: “All of the faucets on the actual counter are functional. You can pull those out and see how they work. The wall, however, just has display models.”

Customer: *reaches up and tries to yank on another faucet*

Me: “Ma’am, really. I am going to have to ask you to stop doing that.”

(I grab the spout of a faucet that is on the counter and pull on it.)

Me: “See? These ones are hooked up.”

(The customer walks over to another faucet on the wall and violently pulls on it. She breaks the spout off and rips the display off the wall, breaking the wood that holds the displays up.)

Me: “Ma’am! I informed you that those are not hooked up! You have now damaged property that belongs to this store!”

Customer: “Well, you should hook them all up!”

Me: “Ma’am, these faucets have two-foot long hoses in them. The display ledge is only two inches thick. The maker of these faucets sent them to us for the express purpose of display. You also managed to break my wall, as well. These walls are specially made to hang these displays on!”

Customer: “Whatever; that is Velcro!”

Me: “Are you serious? What about this looks like Velcro to you?”

(I point to the wood on the wall that she splintered, and then to the metal brackets that had been holding the faucet stand to the wall.)

Customer’s Husband: “Honey, come on. You broke it and didn’t listen.”

Customer: “I don’t want to shop in a store with such rude employees, anyway!”

(My boss told me that if she had not had left, I should have run her out.)

Sofa, So Bad

, , , , , | Friendly | September 29, 2017

(My mom has an ad up to give away our old couch. The ad says that we will deliver if you are on our side of town, but that we will not deliver any further than a certain street. She gets this text:)

Text: “I need this couch. I’m at [area of town WAY further than we said we would deliver to], and you need to get it here ASAP because we’re going to church in an hour.”

Mom: “How about instead of us delivering it, you pray at church for patience and kindness towards strangers.”

(She blocked his number, and we gave the couch to a lovely lady who didn’t demand the couch from us!)

Paying The Price Of Your Obfuscation

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(I work in a large kitchen and bath fixture showroom. A customer walks in wanting to check out a shower set.)

Customer: *points at a shower set* “How much is this?”

Me: “Do you know which finish you would like it in? Each finish will be a different price. Also, are you doing a remodel or a replacement?”

Customer: *glares at me* “I want the price of this exact one. And that is none of your business.”

Me: “Great, that is a lovely color choice for that set. Unfortunately, I have to ask that question, because showers are controlled by brand-specific valves in the wall. This shower will not work witho—”

Customer: “I don’t care. What is the price?”

(I tell her the price for the set, explaining that it is a specialty color that needs to be ordered, which should only take a few days.)

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Write down that price for me.”

(I write down the price and make of the fixtures, as well as the color she is looking at, and hand it to her.)

Me: “Now, I do want to specify that if you do not buy the valves, the shower won’t work.”

Customer: “We all know that is a lie.” *rolls eyes* “You just want more money from us, even though you overcharge.”

Me: “We work off of manufacturing prices here, but each brand really does have their own valve—”

Customer: “Just stop talking. I am really done with your lies. Now, I want this shower. When will it get here?”

Me: “Would you like to order it today?”

Customer: *glaring at me* “Are you stupid? I have my receipt right now.”

(She waves the handwritten paper in my face that is obviously in no way an order form. I never gave any indication that it was. She merely asked for the price.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is just pricing.”

Customer: “What are you talking about now?”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for a price. What you are holding is a price.”

Customer: “Well, order it then!”

Me: “If you would like to have a seat—”

Customer: “Just order it!”

Me: “Okay, I need a full name and phone number.”

Customer: “Those are private.”

Me: “Um, well, I need to put them in our system. That way, when the order comes in, I have a way to contact you.”

Customer: “That is not true. I order things all the time and they never ask for my number.”

Me: “Ma’am, how else would we be able to contact you when your order has arrived?”

Customer: “I am uncomfortable with your handling my information. I am going to go somewhere else.”

Me:.”…..”

(Two weeks later, I get a phone call:)

Customer: “Where is my order?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you never placed an order.”

Customer: “I have a receipt!”

Me: “Ma’am, you have a price. I asked for your information, but you left before anything could be ordered.”

Customer: “You should have ordered it anyway!”

Me: “Ma’am, no money was put down, so it was not possible for anything to be ordered. Half of the cost must be put down first. You informed me that you were going to order elsewhere.”

Customer: “This is extortion!”

Me: “Ma’am, I never took money from you.”

(The customer hangs up. She came back in three days later, and still didn’t buy anything after another employee informed her she needed to purchase the right valves so that her shower would work.)

Marijuana Helps With Memory Loss

, , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I’m a cashier at an arts and crafts store. A customer left her wallet behind earlier that day, and has come back to get it.)

Me: “Is this your wallet?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you! I really need it; it has my weed card…”

Draw From This Experience

, , , , , | Learning | September 20, 2017

I was always a pretty smart cookie when it came to schoolwork, taken honors classes through my grade school years, and even had a couple advanced classes through high school. In my sophomore English class, I had a teacher that both loved and hated how I worked. As I was a proficient and independent reader, and often helped other students with their own work, one would assume there would be no problem with me. Unfortunately, the teacher didn’t agree with my extracurricular reading and drawing when I was done with the assigned work in class.

She gave us a packet of grammar work pages that you’d find in a third grade classroom, as evidenced in plain, bold print on the bottom. She spent about twenty-five minutes reading out the instructions, and I took that time to zip through the packet, seeing as it was basic English. By the time she allowed everyone else to get to work uninterrupted, I was done and decided to draw for the remainder of the class. She took this chance to come up to me, with what I could only assume was the most disapproving look she could muster.

“I’m going to call your father and tell him what you do in class all day!”

Without missing a beat, continuing my sketch with my right hand, I held up the work packet with my left, leafing through the eight pages of children’s work, showing all the complete pages, not a single blank left. With the packet back on my desk, she just walked away and didn’t say another thing to me the entire class.

She never called home, either.

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