Trying That Russian Medicine

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2018

(I am picking up groceries with my family. While we are checking out, I notice an old man behind us in line with both hands bandaged.)

Me: “Excuse me; can I help you check out?”

Old Man: “Why? Is it because I’m OLD?!”

Me: “Um…”

Old Man: “You young people assume I can’t do anything just because I’m old! I’m still perfectly capable of unloading my own— Oh. You were talking about my hands, weren’t you?”

Me: “…yes.”

Old Man: “That’s okay, then, young lady. I’m fine as long as I can hold my vodka in one hand and the TV remote in the other.”

(He proceeded to make conversation with me while I hid behind my uncle, mortified.)

Leave The Accents To Boris

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2018

(My brother and I are with our grandma in a fast food restaurant. My brother likes talking in a Russian accent, which I think is kind of annoying. We go up to order.)

Brother: *in Russian accent* “Ya, I would like a [special shake].”

(Our grandma and I both notice the sudden change in the girl’s body language. She is scared of my brother.)

Girl: *in a real Russian accent* “W-will that be all?”

Me: “Talk normally, [Brother].”

Brother: “Why?”

(At that point I am 100% done with him.)

Girl: “Are you from Russia?”

Grandma & Me: “No.”

(My brother finally realized his mistake and apologized a lot.)

I’m Gonna Spell It Out For You

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2018

(There is a regular who always makes a big deal of making her order and spelling out her name in a very slow, condescending tone. When I am resolved to leave for another job, I finally have had enough of it.)

Customer: “I’ll have the [usual]. That’s the [uuuuuuuuuusual], okay? And that’s for Pam. That’s Peeeeeeeeeeeee, Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Emmmm—”

Me: “Hold on; slow down. B?”

Customer: *huffily* “AHEM, PEEEEEEeeeeee! Ayyyy—”

Me: “Whoa, whoa. D?”

Customer: “PEEEEEEE—”

Me: “G?”

Customer: *turning red* “P!”

Me: “Steve?”

Customer: “NO, it’s PAM!”

Me: “Oh, Pa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaam.”

(She glared at me, snatched her ticket without another word, and moved on down the line. The next time she started in, I played dumb again and wrote down her name as “Pem” with a backwards E.)

Refunder Blunder, Part 40

, , , | Right | August 29, 2018

(I work as a cashier at a chain craft store. One day a woman comes in with a return of a single plastic dog figurine — which we do not carry at our location — without a barcode, and with a receipt that does not match at all.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you have another receipt? This one does not have the item on it, and the dog does not have a barcode for me to scan.”

Customer: “That is the receipt. I know it is.”

Me: “But none of the items on this are even close; you have ribbon and a book on this receipt. I really need the correct receipt. We do not even carry this item at this location, so I can’t even get a barcode to look it up.”

Customer: “I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(My manager happens to be on the register next to me because we are pretty busy, and has heard the whole thing. She comes over and looks at the dirty, untagged dog, and at the receipt, and tells her the same thing I did.)

Customer: *shrieking* “I BOUGHT THIS FROM ANOTHER [STORE]! YOU GUYS ALL CARRY THE SAME STUFF! YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT BACK!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have no proof that you bought this here, and we do not even carry it at this location.”

Customer: “LOOK AT THE RECEIPT! IT IS ON THE RECEIPT!”

Manager: “The item does not match any of the items on the receipt.”

Customer: “THIS IS THE ONE THEY GAVE ME WHEN I BOUGHT IT!”

Manager: “Then you should bring it back to them, and I’m sure they’ll take care of you.”

(She continues to insist loudly over and over that my manager has to take it back because she bought it at a different location of the same store. Turns out the store she bought it at is a whole five minutes away. My manager finally caves and manually refunds the book on the receipt, since it is a similar price. All the while, the woman continues shouting at her.)

Manager: “Here you go, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “I HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER DAY, AND DON’T TREAT YOUR OTHER CUSTOMERS LIKE THIS!”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 39
Refunder Blunder, Part 38
Refunder Blunder, Part 37

The Gay Card Is Double-Sided

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(I work in automotive. I get a very flamboyant male customer who pulls up. He gets out of his car and walks into a service bay. I’m male, as well, and this is a family-owned shop.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need you to go check my tire pressure; it’s low.”

Me: “Okay, well, it’s going to be a second.”

Customer: *fuming* “No, I need it done now.”

Me: “Okay.”

(As we walk out of the service bay:)

Customer: “You were just going to ignore me because that’s how you religious people are here in Arizona, and that’s how you treat gay people!”

Me: “Not at all. I was a little busy finishing—”

Customer: “Save it. You’re a hateful person.”

Me: “I was busy finishing with another customer. However, I, nor anyone here will help you now. See that guy over there?” *pointing to a mechanic in a bay* “Yeah, he’s my fiancé, so that gay victim card won’t work here.”

Customer: “I want to speak the owner.”

Me: “You mean my fiancé?”

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