Unfiltered Story #192460

, , | Unfiltered | April 25, 2020

I used to work in a smoothie shop. We make samples sometimes. I’m a guy with fairly short hair and my coworker that day was also a male with fairly short hair (this is relevent).

Customer : [yapping to a friend] “Yeah, yeah I come in here alllll the time, they’re great! I get suuuuch good service and discounts all the time! Hey! Excuse me! My friend would like to try some samples!

Me: [I’ve worked here for over a year… You are not a regular customer.] “Sure thing! What can I get you? Just so you know, our most popular flavors are [rattles off three top sellers]”

Customer: “We’ll try [lists off three most expensive smoothies on my menu].

Me: “Coming right up!” [I go and make the samples myself] “Here you are!”

Customer: “We’ll have two of these!”

Me: “Alright, your total is $12.82, they’ll be out shortly.” [I have my coworker make them. He is competent.]

-several minutes later-

Customer: “Excuse me, these don’t taste right.” [smoothies have hardly anything missing from them. Nothing seems amiss].

Me: “Well! In that case, I can either remake them, or I would be more than happy to make you a different smoothie!”

Customer: “Then can we get two of these?”

Me: “of course and they’re on the house!”

-several minutes later the customer comes back in screaming-

Me: “May I see the hair?”

-Customer holds out several strands of long, blonde hair covered in smoothie-

Me: “Well, I just so happen to be a member of management. Let me ask the person who prepared these. [Coworker’s name] GET OUT HERE NOW AND TAKE YOUR HAT OFF.

-coworker comes out. He is not wearing his hat to reveal his extremely short hair.-

Me: “How odd. Neither me, nor my coworker are blonde, nor do we have long hair. Strangely enough, your friend is a blonde though. Tell you what. I will refund you and politely ask that you do not return to this establishment.”

She got her money back. She never came back.

Telling A Joke But All You Get Are Crickets

, , , | Right | April 17, 2020

I work in a pet store, and there is a regular that is in all the time. She is very nice and always makes light chat. Normally, I am in the fish/animal department where she shops but today I’m up on the registers.

Regular: “I have a number of crickets and these.”

She motions to her other items and I enter the codes.

Me: “Your total is [price]. So, where’s [Husband]?”

Regular: “He’s at home.”

She hands over a crumpled wad of cash, which I start to straighten.

Regular: “It’s the right amount.”

Me: “Oh, I believe you. You’re here all the time. I’m just flattening them so they lay in the register easier.”

Regular: “Okay. Sorry about them. They went through the wash today.”

Me: *Completely serious* “Been laundering money, have we?”

Regular: *Laughs* “Wow, that was so… punny.”

Me: *Laughing, too* “I couldn’t help myself! No regrets!”

The regular is still laughing as she gathers up her stuff.

Regular: “I guess I set myself up for that.”

Me: “See you later!”

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It Was All Right In The Innuendo

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I am male. I sell cellphones at a third-party retailer. There are a lot of things we can’t do with accounts because of our third-party status. It tends to annoy a lot of people because sometimes things can take hours for a single phone line if we run into an issue. One day, I have that happen; what should’ve been about thirty minutes takes almost four hours, but the customer, who is getting this phone for his wife, has been really calm and cool the whole time, making sure I know he doesn’t blame me for issues we have with our systems while waiting for the carriers to get back to us. Finally, we get to him paying for the phone, and he’s just pulled out his card and is looking at the chip reader.)

Customer: “Do you want me to stick it in?”

Me: “Yes, sir, please do.”

Customer: “Finally someone said yes to that question, and you even said please.”

(He then gave me a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and then bent over laughing. It took me a couple of seconds because my mind was still in work mode so I wasn’t looking for something suggestive in his words, but when I did I started laughing, too. His joke and him making it obvious it was just a joke brightened what had previously been a really annoying day.)

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Unfiltered Story #191508

, , | Unfiltered | April 6, 2020

(I work as a cashier at a sporting goods store in town. We get a lot of kids buying supplies for school athletics. One Teenager comes in with his Mom to return some cleats because the Teenager wanted metal cleats but had plastic ones. I call up a Manager to process the transaction. The Mom explains to my Manager that they want metal cleats.)
Manager: (to Teenager) Are you planning on playing city league, or just for school?
Teenager: Probably both
Manager: All right, well unless they changed something from last year, you won’t be able to use metal cleats for city league. They only allow the plastic ones for safety reasons.
Teenager: (in a condescending tone, after a solid 5 seconds of staring blankly at my manager) I ONLY wear metal cleats.
Manager: Ooookay, just thought I’d warn you. Let’s go ahead and do that return.
(We processed the return, with the mother badgering her son about not being able to wear metal cleats the whole way through. Finally, the leave.)
Manager & Me: (matching Teenager’s condescending tone, in unison): But I ONLY wear metal cleats.

Unfiltered Story #191487

, , | Unfiltered | April 4, 2020

*Customer calls in*

M: Hello, this i..
C: DO YOU have XXXXXX? (Some rare and obscure product)
M: Um, no we dont carry this product at out store sir.
C: Oh……..do you carry XXXXXXX?
M: No……we dont carry that product……I just said that…
C: Can you look up in your catalog to see which store has it!!!
M: I’m sorry, its not that we are out of stock, its just that this company doesnt sell that item.
C: Well WHERE THE **** would I get it????
M: You could try Lowes, they’re next to us and I believe that I have seen it there.
M:…..That is a GOOD GUESS because I work for “xxxx” sir, I DONT WORK FOR LOWES.
C: ******* *Click*