Hopi-ng For Them To Leave

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2018

(It’s first thing in the morning at the Visitor Center and I’m working behind the counter, sending out some emails. A couple with two middle-school-aged kids comes in and starts looking at brochures. The wife picks up a map that tells some of the history of Arizona and opens it up — I assume, as my back is turned to her while she is doing this. The woman gets angry and chucks the map at the back of my head.)

Woman: “This is a horrible map; it doesn’t even show Hopi! It only shows Navajo Nation. I bet the Navajo love that!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any control over what is printed on the free maps.”

Woman: “I would complain to the publishers! They don’t have Hopi on this map!”

(My coworker and I look at each other, eyebrows raised.)

Me: “I’m sorry that map isn’t what you want; here’s a free map of Arizona that has all of the reservations on it.” *hands woman the map*

(After she left, we looked at the map in question. The counties were shown on the map, and none of the reservations. “Navajo” in this case was referring to a county.)

Needs Some Gorilla Cheese

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2018

(I work at a popular pizza and arcade place. A customer and presumably his girlfriend come to the register to place an order.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Place]. What can I get for you today?”

Man: “What do y’all sell here?”

Me: “Pizza.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got chicken?”

Me: “We have chicken wings, and slices of chicken you can put on your pizza.”

Man: “But you don’t got no, like, fried chicken?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got waiters?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Well, how’s the food get to us?”

Me: “I’ll give you this buzzer, and when it lights up and vibrates you can pick your food up over there.”

(I point at a counter where several other people are picking up their pizza.)

Woman: *seeming a little impatient* “Okay, how about a medium pizza, and some breadsticks.”

Man: “Man, I ain’t eatin’ no breadsticks. I need more than that; I’m like a gorilla.”

A Select Style Of Bad Attitude

, , , | Right | March 28, 2018

(I work in a retail sporting goods store, where we sell a variety of footwear. Requests for men’s size 14 shoes occur frequently. Though the styles are limited, we do carry this somewhat uncommon size.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir?”

Customer: “No. You don’t have what I need.”

Me: “Well, if you let me know what it is, we might.”

Customer: *clearly skeptical* “I need size 14 shoes.”

Me: “Oh, we do actually carry them! I know it’s a tough size to find, but we do have 14s in select styles—”

Customer: *cutting me off mid-sentence* “’Select styles’ just means ‘no.’” *walks away without waiting for an answer*

(I’m still not sure how he expects to find shoes with that attitude!)

Totally Misread That Situation

, , , , | Right | March 27, 2018

(I’m working in a quick-service cafe with different stations for sandwiches, soups, and salads where the customers order off menu placards overhead. Two customers, a middle-aged woman and an older man, are at the front of the line.)

Older Man: *squinting and pointing vaguely at signboards where dozens of items are listed* “What does that say?”

Me: *thinking he has poor eyesight* “Oh, we have some hand menus here if you have trouble making out the signs.”

Older Man: “Can’t you just read them to me?”

Me: *looking at the crowd of customers behind him* “Well, there are other people waiting to be served. I’ll be happy to get back to you after you’ve looked over the menu and decided what—”

Woman: *interrupting loudly and angrily* “He’s illiterate!

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize–“

Woman: “You should be ashamed of yourself, making fun of his disability!”

Me: “I wasn’t making fun of him. I didn’t realize he couldn’t read. I just offered a menu because I thought perhaps his eyesight was poor.”

Woman: “Well, you shouldn’t make assumptions! You’re DISCRIMINATING AND REFUSING TO ACCOMMODATE HIS DISABILITY!”

(At this point everyone in the line is staring, and the older man looks mortified.)

Woman: “See? This is why I have to go with him everywhere. Can’t you see you’re embarrassing him? YOU’RE SO INSENSITIVE!”

Me: “Ma’am, all I did was offer him a menu, which you were capable of helping him with discreetly, instead of making a scene and announcing that he can’t read. Now, please, step out of line so I can help these people who are ready to order, and return when you’ve made a decision.”

Woman: “No. We don’t want to be served by a bigot. We’ll get our lunch from a different station.” *to the man* “You’re going to have the soup. You can just point at what you want over there.”

(She shoots me a death glare and walks away with her nose in the air. There is a long silence and the man stands there for a moment with his gaze averted to the floor before following.)

Next Customer: “Whoa, that was awkward.”

(Later, my manager approaches me.)

Manager: “We got a complaint about you today. Were there any incidents?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I know who you mean. Some lady was yelling at me earlier because I offered her friend a menu when he couldn’t read. That was pretty much it.”

Manager: “Wow. She told us you were making fun of him, and also said that you refused to serve ‘an illiterate moron.’”

Me: “What?! No, I never said that! I just asked them to let me serve other customers while they made up their minds.”

Manager: “Yeah, that really didn’t sound like something you would say, but the guy looked so upset I thought I’d check.”

(We never saw them in our establishment again, but I hope that poor guy doesn’t have to go through that everywhere.)

It’s Time To Hang Your Hat

, , , , , , , | Working | March 16, 2018

(I worked in a mall throughout high school. After I went to college I was hired back for the following summer. Another employee I used to work with the previous year came back as well and started again a week before I did. Since most of the rest of the staff are high school kids, the two of us are the only ones working weekday mornings — high schools don’t get out for another month.)

Coworker #1: “You’ll like most of the new kids working here. They are all pretty cool, except for this one guy, who is a complete moron. I’m pretty sure he is stealing from the store, as well.”

(As if on cue, this particular new coworker walks in.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2], what are you doing here? Don’t you have school?”

Coworker #2: “School is for p***ies; I don’t need school.”

(I stand there kind of in shock while he demands my coworker give him a free sandwich, before eventually leaving as my coworker declines. Before I have a chance to work a shift with this kid, he is fired for trying to walk out with an entire case of energy drinks while the owner is in the store. We think this will be the end of having to deal with him, but he is immediately hired at a hat store directly across from ours. He regularly comes in, trying to get people to give him free food. After about two weeks of him working at the other store, their manager comes in to chat with us.)

Hat Store Manager: “Hey, guys. I have a question about [Coworker #2]. He used to work here, right?”

Me: “Yeah, the owner fired him for stealing a few weeks ago.”

Hat Store Manager: “That’s what I figured. He told me he quit because you didn’t give him enough hours, but our entire inventory has been off since he started. Guess I should have checked over here before I hired him.”

(It turns out that in the short time he had been at the hat store, he had taken home a few dozen hats. His classmates told us he was trying to sell them at school, but no one would buy them because of how obvious it was they were stolen.)

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