Wi-Fi And Ice Cream And Cancer, Oh My!

, , , , | Right | October 5, 2018

(I work in a movie theater. It’s about an hour after we’ve closed. Movies are still playing and getting out, but the concession stand can’t sell anything as none of our POS systems are open and everything is locked. We’re still in the stand closing stuff when a guest comes to me.)

Guest: “Hey, what’s your guys’ Wi-Fi password?”

Me: “We actually don’t have Wi-Fi; it might actually be from next door.”

Guest: “Oh, okay.” *pulls out his wallet* “Can I buy ice cream?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’re closed, so I can’t sell you anything.”

Guest: “But can I buy ice cream?”

Me: “No. Like I said, we are closed; none of our POS stations are open.”

Guest: “Can I give you five dollars and get ice cream?”

Me: “No, sir, I can’t sell you anything.”

Guest: “How much is your ice cream?”

Me: “It’s [price].”

Guest: “Can I give you five dollars and get ice cream?”

Me: “The concession stand is closed. None of our POS stations are open, and there is no money in the registers, so I would be unable to give you your change back.”

Guest: “I don’t care if I get my change back!”

(I go over to the fridge holding the ice cream and shake the padlock.)

Me: “Sorry, man.”

Guest: *very fake cough* “Would you say that to someone dying of cancer?”

Me: *observing he looks VERY healthy* “Sorry.”

Guest: “I’m going to post on Facebook!”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(My manager comes over because she told me told me I could go home two minutes ago.)

Manager: “Hey.”

Guest: “Could I get ice cream?”

Manager: “We’re closed.”

Guest: “Oh… Okay.” *leaves*

(I still don’t entirely understand why it took two minutes and a manager saying the exact same thing for him to finally understand what I said in the first place.)

My Advice To Fix It Is Solid

, , , | Right | October 3, 2018

(I manage a smoke shop in a small town. We sell glass pipes and other smoking tools. I sell a water-pipe to a younger guy and he comes back in a few days later with some friends. He basically wants me to figure out why the water-pipe isn’t working, but he didn’t bring it with him. Usually, I have to see something to fix it, and it’s almost always a simple fix. This is an extremely easy fix.)

Customer: “My water-pipe won’t let me pull any air through.”

Me: “It might have a clog; did you do anything to it?”

Customer: “I haven’t used it yet. I took it home, put water in it, and stuck it in my freezer.”

(His friends start laughing. I stop him and explain what happens to water when you freeze it. He doesn’t get it at first until I say:)

Me: “It was a liquid; now it’s a solid.”

(His friends knew the whole time and they still let him come in to get my “professional” opinion. He was actually lucky his brand new water-pipe didn’t crack.)

They Asked For Your ID Card, Not Your Race Card, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | September 28, 2018

(While waiting in line to pay a bill at the local water company, this happens in front of me.)

Customer: *an older gentleman, notably Mexican* “I want to open an account at [Location] in my daughter’s name.”

Cashier: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I either need her to come in here to do it herself, or you need papers signed by her, including a copy of her driver’s license.”

Customer: “What? Why do I need all that?”

Cashier: “Company policy, sir.”

Customer: “You know what I think this is?”

Cashier: “What’s that, sir?”

Customer: “This is a brown-skin issue.”

Cashier: “No? That has nothing to do with it.”

Customer: “Yes, it does! This is a skin issue! I’ve been paying bills here for 40 years and never had a problem before now!”

Cashier: “Paying a bill is entirely different from opening an account; that has nothing to do with this.”

Customer: “Then explain why you’re making this so difficult!”

Cashier: “It’s company policy!”

Customer: “This is racism!”

(It went around and around for a while before the guy left. The hard-headedness of this blew me away. It seems pretty obvious that you can’t just open an account in someone else’s name, because that’s a fraud risk. This guy was incapable of understanding that. I hope he eventually understands and just gets his daughter to do the work, since the account is supposed to be in her name.)

They Asked For Your ID Card, Not Your Race Card

Wants A Business Card That Will Rule The Roost

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2018

(I work in a print department inside an office supply store. I am working the closing shift when I have a large family come up to my counter.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “How much are business cards?”

(I ask what he does and explain what kind of cards we offer. As I’m speaking with him, I glance down to see he is holding a live chicken.)

Me: “Oh! You have a chicken!”

Customer: *narrows his eyes at me* “It’s a rooster.”

(He promptly turns with his entire family and leaves the store.)

Me: *on the radio* “Um, I just had a business card customer who brought a live chicken into the store.”

Coworkers:No way!

(Discussion ensued about what kind of person brings a chicken into ANY store. All I can say is I know have one of the best crazy customer stories!)

Unfiltered Story #122095

, , | Unfiltered | September 24, 2018

I work in a kitchen and bath showroom. A man was purchasing a toilet from me.

Customer: “How long til it gets here if I order it?”

Me: “These toilets we carry in stock. They are the low-flow tanks that-”

Customer: “Low flow? No thanks. I am not a hippie.”

Me: “Oh, well, than it would take about a week to arrive. There will be a freight charge from the manufacturer on that order.”

Customer: “Why are you charging me freight?”

Me: “We don’t. The maker of the toilet does.”

Customer: “Then why don’t you pay the freight?”

Me: “Because the freight is for your order, sir. Just like when you get something sent to you from Amazon or-”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay freight.”

Me: “Well, then, we have the low flows in stock. They save water and work just as well. I have these exact ones in my house.”

Customer: “No. I already told you no.”

Me: “Well, the one you want needs to be ordered, sir. There is no way around it, I am afraid, unless you want to put in on a shipment truck. That would take over a month.”

Customer: “But that is freight-free?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but it will take 6 weeks.”

Customer: “That is fine. Do it.”

Me: ‘Are you sure? That is over a month of wait time.”

Customer: “I am sure. Do it.”

-I order what he wants with the main shipment we get each month and a half-

One week later:

Customer (on the phone): “Where is my order?”

Me: “Sir, it’s only been a week. On your receipt, you can see the receiving date is still about 5 weeks out.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “….we agreed to put the order on the main truck so you wouldn’t have to pay freight charges.”

Customer: “Oh” *hangs up the phone.

-Two weeks later-

Customer: “This is ridiculous. It’s been over a month.”

Me: “Sir, it’s been two weeks since the order was put into my system. You still have four weeks out from the date on your receipt.”

Customer: “I want it now!”

Me: “Well, I still have the other toilets in stock, but I understand that you do not wish to have the water-saving ones. However, this is a shipment truck from the manufacturer. I have no control over it.”

Customer: “This is your fault!”  *hangs up the phone*

Four weeks later:

Customer: “Where is my order?”

Me: “Sir, it’s still 2 weeks out.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why this is taking so long.”

Me: “Sir, you agreed to put it on the main truck to avoid a freight charge.”

Customer: “Order me a new one!”

Me: “I will have to charge you freight, sir.”

Customer: “No, you should pay for it!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot do that.”

Customer: “But you owe it to me for making me wait!”

Me: “Sir, this is fully explained on your receipt, with your signature on my copy, and it was explained at the time. It is two weeks out at this time.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

My manager told him the exact thing.

He cancelled his order after all of that. I am still confused.

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