It’s Almost Worth Getting Pregnant Just To Escape
I work for a small company with ten employees. The Vice President is… Well, let’s just say anything pleasant I have to say about her is about as true as if I explained to you that butterflies are actually birds that are warped by light.
Her one good quality is that she has so little empathy and compassion that she is convinced she is the victim in every single situation when there is no possible way — even those of her own making. If someone is calling her out for anything insensitive, unprofessional, unethical, or all of the above, she will buckle down and act like you are the crazy person, trying to gaslight you with the most ridiculous stories of why you are wrong.
This leads to some pretty entertaining “WTF” moments.
It is also worth noting that the VP has a strange obsession with my uterus and ovaries — a REALLY strange fixation that they are apparently just there to cause her grief.
About six months into working for the company, I fall ill with a stomach bug and end up leaning over the toilet for the better part of the day. I text the VP and the owner letting them know I am taking a sick day as I have a stomach bug.
Immediately after, I get a call from her. At this point, I naively think this woman is kind, caring, and, thoughtful and wants to check up on me. Oh, boy, was I wrong!
VP: *Immediately after I pick up* “Are you pregnant?!”
Me: *Stunned* “Uh… Probably not?”
VP: *Not listening* “You cannot possibly be pregnant. It would really be inconvenient for me. I cannot have you getting pregnant on me!”
This rant goes on for a bit. I am just taken back that this is what she jumped to. Finally, I manage to stop her and inform her that I cannot possibly be pregnant as I am on my period. You would expect at this point that anyone in their right mind would apologize for the assumption, right?
VP: “Oh, good. That would be really inconvenient for me. Now, why I called you. You can work, right? Since you are not with child?”
This happens twice more when I get the flu and a headache. At this point, I really dread getting sick simply because it comes with a side of accusations about how I am out to get her by ending up pregnant. I probably should tell someone about it, but I can’t believe it happened the first time; I thought it was a fluke. The second and third times are equally cringe-inducing.
It gets worse, though!
[VP] also has an endearing habit of informing me that I am on my period whenever she perceives that I am getting upset about something. She will always stop in mid-sentence and say:
VP: “I know you are young and hormonal, and I am sure that it is ‘that time of the month,’ but I need you to compose yourself.”
If I wasn’t mad before, I certainly am now! When I forcefully inform her that I am not on my period, she insists that I am for a good five minutes until telling me that I am getting uppity with her. It does not matter that I haven’t said a word in that five-minute monologue.
One time, someone actually walked in on us and she had the gall to tell him that I was “being hormonal because I was on my period” but SHE forgave me.
Recently, I ended up with bronchitis that resulted in pneumonia, which caused me to be at home for a week. Upon discovery, she insists that I am probably just ovulating, ignoring the fact that I am hacking up a lung and have a fever.
This is during the global health crisis, and I have taken two tests at this point, so I know it isn’t that. I also have a third planned for this afternoon. I inform our boss, who is actually sympathetic, and leave. As I am walking out to the parking lot, [VP] stops me.
VP: “You are probably just ovulating at your age.”
I am sick at this point, so I just walk to my car without a response, because what can you say to someone at this juncture?
Finally, though, when I am feeling better, I decide to “confront her” by copying our boss on an email where I inform her that I am tired of the sexist comments made about my body any time I am sick or when she doesn’t like what I have to say.
She delivers this killer line:
VP: “I would never make comments about you possibly being pregnant or on your cycle. My comment to you about your fever in relation to ovulation was a comment that is a medical fact. I must have been trying to offer a possible cause other than you having [contagious illness].”
Well, you heard it here first, folks. It is just a scientific fact that when you ovulate, your body temperature reaches 99.9-degrees.